Why?:Bother?

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Why? 
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?

Why Bother? - An interesting query if ever there was one, though quite a queer query. Many have fought, and died, and loved, and had passionate feelings about this question. Actually, no they haven't. Because the question is "Why Bother?" and the answer has always been "I don't know"... Until now. For today is the day that Uncyclopedia takes a first-hand, up-close, personal, and touchy-feely look at a question that has depressed mankind for... at least a few weeks or years or so. “Why am I bothering to type this? Read below to know why I am typing, and why I shouldn't be bothering to type.”

~ srn347 on why bother

Contents

[edit] The Question 

   Pointless Diagram of the Question
                                                                             
     Empty Space
          |
      Why Bother? - Question Mark (Punctuation)
        |     |
      Adverb  |
             Verb

The Question itself is, ironically, a sentence fragment. It has no Subject noun, much like life itself has no Subject noun. Probably, someone was halfway through writing it and decided, "Eh, I won't even bother," and stopped. Perhaps, it was meant to be "Why bother completing sentences or questions?" But, the world will probably never know, or much less give a dump. Or dare I say, bother.

Also note the extensive use of symbology throughout the sentence. Clearly, the empty space between "Why" and "Bother" is meant to represent the primary reason not to bother: Because life is a silly, worthless and futile void of a wasteland that will never come to anything. The "?" at the end represents humanity's desperate attempts to find meaning or purpose or subject nouns in life, yet constant failure to find (or "answer") that question. Also, the abbreviation of the sentence (WB) has the same exact initials as Warren Buffet, The WB Television Network, and Wonder Bra. Coincidence? I think not! But I still don't care.

[edit] Why to Bother

  • It serves as a unique, albeit pointless, hobby.
  • You get to bug, annoy, or "bother" people.
  • Nihilists will avoid you, but they're no fun.
  • Bother bother bother bother bother bother!
  • If you bother enough to be mildly amusing, you might get your very own one-and-a-half-seasons-long sitcom on Fox.
  • Just look at what a beautiful, sunny day it is! How can you not be cheery?
  • Someone out there doesn't want you to bother. Are you going to stand for that?
  • Not bothering killed my entire family and cost me a testicle.
  • What would Jesus do? He would bother. Don't you want to be like our Lord, Jesus Christ? I thought so.
  • Every time you bother, an angel gets its wings. If you bother again, that same angel becomes a stripper.
  • If you're bothering someone else, they might not be able to bother you.
  • That gloomy blue donkey from Winnie the Pooh will throw himself off a cliff if someone doesn't bother about him a little bit.

[edit] Why not to Bother

[edit] Conclusion

To bother, or not to bother - That is the question. No one knows the true answer. It's like an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a tortilla wrapped in an enigma. Yet, everyone has their own answer to the question, their own reasons. Perhaps, scientists could someday carefully research and record the individual answer of everyone on Earth, and come up with the best and most conclusive answer to the question. But - really - Why Bother?

[edit] See Also

Featured Why? Article Featured on the 9th of December 2006
This Why? has been featured on the Why? namespace. Why? because it is good. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite Why? articles at UN:VWHY.
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Why%3F:Bother%3F"
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