Why didn't anyone think of that before?! award

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“Why didn't anyone think of making this award before?”

~ Oscar Wilde on the award

The Why didn’t anyone think of that before?! award is an award distributed by a group in a Detroit bar every year. They are always absolutely real events that really happened and were completely brilliant and made the world a better place (according to the judges)

[edit] History

John Johnson Smithson Jnr. one of the founder's children who presented the first ever award

According to the one of the joint founders of the award: it began in a bar in Detroit in 1981 when two drunks were in a very highly strung conversation and honestly believed that they were the two most intelligent people in the world. They were a chair that looked and sounded exactly like Joseph Stalin and Johnson Smithson, the son of the world famous John Smith. They were arguing about names with the Russian stating “your parents were so thick that they couldn’t even think of a name they just called you ‘son’” to which Smithson replied “that just saves time I hear some random rich guy named his daughter after a branch of the hotel chain he owns." They both agreed that was quite clever and thus the “the why didn’t anyone think of that before?!" award was born.

[edit] Judging

The judging takes place in a bar in Detroit, Michigan down the road from where the award was first conceived. The bar itself was closed down because a mixture of Methane, Bromine and Ether were distilling into in the air in just the right quantities to make people think that they were seeing former Russian leaders. The health inspector’s report noted the following: the air is very wavy, there is a very odd smell, the bar keeper has an ice pick in his head, the bar keeper keeps calling me Brezhnev and the single customer is sitting in a corner and keeps saying “I can’t believe no one thought of that before Stalin, can you?”

The judging is now conducted by who ever happens to be in the new bar whenever it is they can be bothered to decide. This is usually some time around thanksgiving.

[edit] List of award winners

1981- Who ever Paris Hilton’s parents are for deciding to name their daughter after a hotel.

insert sexist caption. Or possilby anti-blonde.

1982- That annoying son of Margaret Thatcher for disappearing in a race for three days so that his mother couldn’t speak to him.

1983- An Italian guy named Giovanni Vigliotto for getting married 105 times

1984- Who ever Alex Smith’s parents are for making him spend all his infancy with a football near so that in his adult life no one will ever see him without a football.

1985- Nelson Mandela for staying in jail after he’d been released

the 1985 winner in disucussions that won him the award

1986- Spain and Portugal for deciding that they are part of Europe

1987- The ultimate chief naming guy for Frobisher bay for changing the name of the city to Iqualuit [pronounced: ???] so that no one could invade because they can’t say “I herby proclaim this city of [insert city name] part of the country [insert the name of invading person’s country here]

1988- Ronald Reagan for signing the “the Japanese are people to act”

1989- Rupert Murdoch for dominating the European press aswell

1990- The British conservative party for getting rid of Margaret Thatcher (an idea everyone else had eleven years ago)

1991- George bush senior for operation desert storm in Iraq

1992- The British electorate for voting in John Major, a man who’s lengthy service and high military rank would no doubt serve the country well.

1993- America for now having a president who would be faithful to those who would love them till the very end….

1994- A random Australian guy for trying to assassinate the prince of Wales with blank bullets

1995- Soccer player Eric Cantona for deciding to try and use a member of the crowds head as a ball after the one that they were using was broken and had been shown a red card.

1996- Mr Monobrow chess guy for pushing the off button in a match against a computer

1997- Tony Blair for saying the same word over and over again when asked to talk about his policies. It later turned out that Alistair Campbell had fallen asleep at the teleprompter controls for a second.

1998- The state of California for working out how to stop people smoking: put massive letters saying no smoking on the side of a big hill. Unfortunately some other even bigger letters were already there so they couldn’t do it.

1999- Columbia for changing its name to Colombo so that it could investigate all the crime that was occurring in the country.

2000- Everyone for realising the Y2K problem was just something that some nerds thought up somewhere so that they could sell a product that was useless to everyone.

2001- Al gore for removing all the “w”s from the vvhite house computers so that ‘Dubya’ couldn’t become president.

2002- The president of Europeland for uniting all the states of Europeland under one currency: the euro dollar.

2003- The terminator computer, skynet for over throwing humanity and conquering the world.

2004- Europeland for invading 10 countries in one day, Poland, Latvia, Czech republic, Estonia, Hungary, Lithuania, Malta, Cyprus, Slovakia and Slovenia. Invading Poland is always a good idea.

2005- ~~The Leprechauns~~ the irish for converting completely to the metric system.

2006- A whale for improvising after losing the map and swimming up the Thames in to London in order to get a train.

2007- Sir Robert Mugabe for his brilliant economic reform policy. His Excellency accepted the award in person, apparently very moved by the praises sung by the colossal drunken hordes attending the "ceremony". Mugabe celebrated by promptly removing 9 zeroes from all Zimbabwean bank notes, once again affirming his dedication to long-term economic solutions.