Why?:Is there no channel one?

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"Why is there no channel one?" is a question that has plagued philosophers and mathematicians for years. If one is the first number then it would seem obvious that the first channel would be channel one, but this is not true. The first channel is channel two. This has led to a paradox...

[edit] The real Problem

• If there is no channel one, then channel two is the first channel.

• If two is the first number, then it must be one.

• But if channel two is channel one, and channel one does not exist, then two cannot exist.

• If one and two do not exist, then channel three must be the first channel.

So on, until it is proven:

• If all numbers are the first channel, and channel one does not exist, then numbers do not exist.

The theory has caused much controversy among Academic circles, some stating that the evidence for the existence of numbers is too high to be refuted through a single theory, and that there must be other reasons that Channel One does not exist. Some say the FCC set the frequency waves aside for use by mobile radios, though the theory has yet to catch on.

Channel One is only available to high school students for fifteen minutes during homeroom. Its semi-news and cool graphics programming is interspersed with quality public safety announcements whose quality messages include: U.S. Marines get to climb up really tall cliffs, and if you smoke pot you will inevitably run over a girl on a bike.

[edit] The Solution

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Eggman was the client, Professor Xavier lives, Locke's dad is on the island Kreia was a Sith Lord and only Atton and the Disciple saw that coming, DiZ dies when his machine self-destructs, Austin Powers and Dr. Evil are brothers, Dorian murders Basil and stabs his portrait, killing himself, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

A reader writes in to say: Actually there was a Channel One, but as they were the only one when they were created and the technology was so hair-raisingly advanced it was unimaginable anyone could ever go to the trouble of duplicating it all to make another one, they just called themselves The Channel. It's like British postage stamps not having the country on it, or US commercial websites using .com instead of .com.us, you see. Does that strike a chord? Good. Then we'll proceed. Unfortunately as the channel business became more competitive, they had to start doing what their newer rivals were already doing and holding telethons to raise funds. Unfortunately they couldn't tell you which channel to send money to. People would just put down their pens in puzzlement, then reach for the remote control (this was after remote controls) and find a channel that could identify itself. Bankruptcy inevitably ensued.

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