HowTo:Be a Wigger
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Are you having trouble conversing in school because you're not fluent in ebonics? Are you facing years of oppression and poverty of your suburban parents and their strict curfew and grip on your allowance? Are you hopelessly white? Well this is your lucky day, help is on the way because today we are going to learn how to bling. That's right, we can dress like the cool kids now. But first, in order to bling, you must follow a few simple steps.
- Adopt the Cheeseburger Rule as your only principle moral
- Acquire homosexuality
- Gain possession, by purchasing or five-finger-discounting (items' worth count toward street cred) all of the following articles of clothing:
Contents |
[edit] Threads
| Over-sized pants |
|---|---|
| "Blingage" |
| Sweat-shop head gear |
| Unpronounceable brand name shirts. Two of them. |
[edit] Accessorizin'
Now that you are ready to bling, lets get blingin'. First, put on your oversized pants. Don't forget your belt, it is an extremely important element. For the added "blingage" feeling, roll up one of your pant legs, or both, and fasten it with a rubber band. I used some old headphones. Next, put on multiple layers of shirts. This means, put on one shirt, then put another over it. The shirts should be different colors, but be sure they don't clash (you're a wigger, not an animal!). After putting on your upper attire, lets get clankin' by slapping on that blingage. This includes putting on pewter necklaces, dogtags, poorly made metal chains, and crazy symbols. Don't forget your ring.
Good, now that you have that shit on, put on your head gear. No silly, not a helmet, I mean a swanky visor or hat. Good hats include: The Yankees, The Dodgers, Nike, Addidas, College football teams. Bad hats include: The NRA, Captain Vacation, Whirly-gig hats. Be sure to put it on backwards or sideways, like you don't give a fuck, but really, you just forgot the right way.
[edit] Wigger Specifications
See images below for wigger stupidness specifications of where to put your shit on. Notice the lack of personality and striking poses.
The above picture shows what's going on under the coolness. Wear your pants around your ass, almost to your knees. Avoid almost all sunlight, and wear cool boxers, despite the fact that only mommy and daddy will be looking at them, as you won't get laid until you're 35.
An added note: DO use confusing and unknown hand symbols, along with Ebonics, just as "whack", or "G". Remember, if nobody has a fucking clue what means, it must be cool. Always remember, your clothing must have unpronounceable brand names, such as Ecko, Dlux, or Enyce.
Here's another diagram to illustrate upper-body features. Take note of the no-personality and whacky hand symbol.
[edit] Spreadin' the Love
Awesome, now we're ready to get outside and start pimpin' some mad ho's. Turn up those subs and look like a fag as you drive down the street in your mom's car. Be sure to break any and all traffic laws while driving, and look like a fucking moron while putting your front seat practically in the back seat, so the people next to you at stop lights can't see you, which confuses them as you bolt off in your hottie car. Play loud obnoxious music, to the point of not being able to tell the difference between rhythm, which it lacks, and bass, which is supercedes. Congratulations, you're now a queer.
