Wild Toast
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Wild Toast (not to be confused with Wilde Toast) is the oldest known form of toast.[citation needed] Most slices are so old that mould and other small lifeforms have begun to grow on them. Apparently, this has misled some people to think that certain slices of Wild Toast are, in fact, bigfoot. This is a thoroughly ridiculous claim, obviously made by drunken tourists - it's common knowledge that bigfoot bears a strong resemblance to Margret Thatcher. It was created by a Swedish master baker over 1000 years ago. However, the baker had not realised the full power of the toast he had created, and was later killed by the very first slice he created.
Many ignorant folk do not believe in Wild Toast, which is an incredibly stupid thing to do. They will be the first to die in the Wild Toast uprising. Believe now and be free in later life!
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[edit] The Franco-Wild Toastian War
In the year 1939, a conglomeration of Wild Toast slices started an brutal attack on France! The war ranged for almost a month. The Wild Toast brutally savaged people by making French toast out of them. 1% of the Wild Toast population was lost in this epic battle, putting it on the "almost on the almost endangered list".
The French suffered horrendous losses, mainly because the reserve troops that were sent in sat down and ate their French-toast-ified comrades before joining the battle.
[edit] Making Wild Toast
Wild Toast was thought to have been made straight from the seeds used to grow the grain for bread, therefore it does not need to be cooked. Simply toast some bread, and throw a party for the slices. They will then go on a killing spree. However, Wild Toast can only be created by super Ninja Pirates; all other upstanding members of society who have tried have been driven to insanity or simply ended up asploding in the nearest Walmart.
Due to the fact that making Wild Toast is literally impossible, hunting Wild Toast has become a popular sport. It is also highly dangerous - one must travel alone and heavily armed whilst on a Wild Toast hunt. One very handy item to take with you whilst hunting is butter.
[edit] Mating Ceremonies
Wild Toast celebrate ritualistic ceremonies in honor of the Wild Grain King. During this ceremony is one of the only times that wild toast can be found together. The Toast covers itself in Honey and does a cannibalistic dance of AAAAAAAAA! to attract a Wild Bread mate.
[edit] About Wild Toast
[edit] Anatomy
Wild toast is a simple creature mostly made from single-cell organisms. The heart/brain is located in the original piece of toast. The appendages are a collection of mould, algae, fungi, and cheese originating from the center.
[edit] Diet
Wild Toast is assumed to eat only melted butter. Nobody knows if this is true. In December 2004 a team of researchers tried to prove this. When interviewed, one slice murdered the entire research team, after a heated debate about the pros and cons of peanut butter. Said slice of Wild Toast later asploded.
[edit] Living Quarters
No one knows where the Wild Toast reside in today's society. All that has been discovered is that slices of Wild Toast live isolated from each other, because they are not loaves of bread. THEY ARE TOAST! Also, they do not name each other, because they are slices of toast and can't talk.
[edit] Natural Predators
Natural predators of wild toast include...
- Toasters[citation needed]
- George W. Bush
- Google Spiders
- Wild Toast
- Toasters
- Irken Empire
- Cats [citation needed]
- George W. Bush
- Glue
- Toasters.
- Dubya
- Christians
- Wikipedians
- Toasters
[edit] Science, Tech, and Research
[edit] Cloning Attempts
In 2007, someone tries to replicate the original creation of the Wild Toast, using a machine. The machine failed as it only drew on the toast and did not bring it to life. The machine became insane and had to be put down by a team of specialists, for the safety of the world. The man who created the machine spent the next week moping in the frozen goods section of his local Tesco before spontaneously combusting while frozen in ice 7 days later. This is a new phenomenon and has been manically studied by aspiring philosophers and scientists the world over.
