Will Smith
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Will Smith doesn't make a bad movie. Ignore Wild Wild Westâ€
~ Oscar Wilde on Will Smith
“Aw, Hell No!â€
~ The Big Willy Catchphrase
“DAMN IT FRED!!! DAMN IT!!!â€
~ Will Smith on Fred the ill-fated Mannequin
“ZOMG, ALIENS!!! OH FUCK. no not really just kidding.â€
~ Oscar Wilde on Will Smith
“Who is that guy in Independence Day who played president???â€
~ George W. Bush on Will Smith
“Vote Will Smith as greatest actor, we've all done something stupidâ€
~ Some homosexual with no life that votes for great actors
Now this is the story all about how
My wife got flipped, turned upside down,
And I'd like to take a minute just spit right there
Ill tell you how I became the printer of a town called Bel-air.
On west Philadelphia cream cheese born and raised,
On the playground where I usually got hazed.
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing an' lame
And all snortin' some 8-balls outside of Notre Dame.
When a couple of guys who just always had wood
Started gettin' boners in my neighborhood.
I got in one little orgy, my mom got afraid,
And said you're going to the hospital to get treated for AIDS. (which happened to be in Bel-air)
(only the first three episodes of season one)
I begged and pleaded with her the other day,
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
.
She took a long piss and she gave me my ticket,
I put my stand man on and said I might as well jack-off.
First class, show this is bad,
Drinking orange juice while smoking a pound of grass.
Is this what the people of Bel-air livin' like,
Hmm, they must be white!
I whistled for a cab and when it came near,
the license plate said "FR3SH" and the driver was queer.
If anything, I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought now forget it, yo home to my care bears!
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight,
And I yelled to the cabby "Yo, I'm gonna masturbate!"
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of the ass-hair.
Will Smith tragically died on March 50th, 1337
He was also reported to have been allergic to bullshit prior to his tragic death.
During the filming of 'Men In Black III: ALI3NS! OMFG!' Will was accused, but not found guilty of raping his alien co-star Madonnaconda. In his spare time you could find him traveling back in time to fight giant metal spiders in the Wild, Wild West. A true American pastime.
Contents |
[edit] Will Smith in Prison
Downtown Los Angeles born and raised,
In the alleys is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin' out, maxing, just me and my gang,
Selling some drugs, and jerkin' my wang.
When a couple of thugs who were douchebags since birth
Started movin' product on my home turf.
I got in one gun fight, bullets rained like hail,
The cops came, shot me down, and then put me in jail.
I... pulled... up to the prison around seven or eight,
And said to the cop, "Yo homes, fuck this place!"
The door slammed behind me when the guard threw the switch
20 to life and I'm somebody's bitch.
[edit] Reign
Will Smith spent most of his life as royalty, overseeing the 'hoods and the homeboys of Bel Air. Through the critically acclaimed "Men in Black" documentaries of 1997 and 2002 starring Will Smith and his boyfriend/father figure Tommy Lee Jones, detailing his difficult and sometimes dangerous reign as Fresh Prince of Bel Air, he has gained international recognition for this difficult work, and has become one of Bel Air's most beloved Fresh Princes. He also ran against Darth Television for Fresh Prince of Television and lost.
It is worth noting that Will Smith (hereafter referred to as "His Freshness") was declared "greatest rapper - ever" by Stephen Hawking, the worldwide expert on such things. In fact, hawking announced this by actually speaking, instead of letting that little computer-thingy do the talking for him, and the effort speaking necessitated was so great that the honorable MC promptly died. Luckily His Freshness touched Hawking with his magic green thumb and brought him back to life, which was very considerate, all things considered. By the way, that's a lame radio show on NPR, which happens to stand for No Pooping Robots, and Pooping Robot is incidentally a name which is occasionally given to Hawking, because that's basically what he is. Anyway, will smith is really cool and one time he sang a song that had the line "Momma uh, momma uh, momma uh-uh-uh" which is vaguely sexual. And he was a good rapper. BEST ACTOR EVER wild wild west BITCHES!
His musical career is extremely noted and respected, singing the soundtrack and title songs to Wild Wild West and Men in Black, songs that consisted of the title being repeated 78 times.
Then things started going down the drain for William when he was recruited by Neo-Nazi overlord Tom Cruise into the Church of Scientology. Jesus later came to him in his sleep, not only to feel him up, but to warn Will about the harms of this religion. Jesus killed everyone on Earth to show what Lord Xenu will do to Earth when he arrives. Not only did this not help at all, but Will also got the inspiration to make the documentary "I am Legend" and stars in it. Jesus, going home a failure, was then savagely beaten by Mel Gibson and was sent to bed without supper.
[edit] Will Smith's Inspiration
A relatively unknown fact about Will Smith is that he got most of his inspiration for his "Bel-Air" days and for his other short lived show; "'Oh Shit! I Fucking Dropped My Soda!' and Other Funny Wangsta Sayings'", from smoking old Elvis records. When asked about this Will Smith giggled and proclaimed "I am the Lord Jesus Christ!" before he went on a pot smoking binge which ended with The Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
When Will's close friend The Pope was asked about his blasphemous outburst he was recorded as saying:
| Grab your glocks when you see Tupac
Call the cops when you see Tupac, Who shot me, But, your punks didn't finish Now, you 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace |
Will Smith was then caught on record responding to this by saying:
| Get out the way, bitch
Get out the way, bitch Biggie Smalls just got dropped! |
Currently Smith is being investigated for more of his "inspiration", that may have come from him huffing kittens during the said fire as people literally melted around him. Instead of helping them, he offed them a fine rare "Peruvian Kitten" to huff tube style. If he is convicted of this serious offense he will be sentenced to produce twelve more years of "The Fresh Prince of the Fresh Produce Aisle", the highly successful Mexican Bel-Air spin off.
[edit] Will Smith's Gay Phase
Now this is the story all about how My preferences got turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute while shaving my hair to tell you how I became the...what? gay bar? where?
In southern america born and raised in the church house is where i spent most of my days touching my weenie relaxin all cool, looking at my friend's balls outside of the school when a couple of guys who were lookin real good started touching on me cause I said they could I had t3h gay sex once and my mom asked where so I told her at the gay bar by the school right there
I whistled for a lad and when he came near I noticed he had never had dice in his mirror if anything I can say that this counts as rare but I thought nah forget it, yo boy, shave your hair!
I pulled into his house around seven or eight (times) and I yelled to the laddie yo ho, smell my ass hair! looked at my wiener it was finally bare so I sat on his lap and now I'm gay as a *beep*
[edit] Will Smith - Reincarnation of Bob Dole?
There has been evidence that Will Smith was the reincarnation, like that Bob Dole was black, and so is Will Smith. Will Smith is the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and Bob Dole was the Fresh Prince of Kansas. Bob Dole was Confucianist, and The Fresh Prince's writers were also Confucianist. Besides, no one could have such good rhyming skills besides Bob Dole.
[edit] Will Smith- Does anyone like him?
In a recent poll of a whole bunch of white people from loads of places this question was asked
"Do you like Will Smith?"
The results came in as:
- 0% He doesn't roll with me.
- 0% Definitely not.
- 30% I don't like blacks too much, no...wait...is black even a color of a person?
- 0% Jesus *ucking Christ, no
- 70% hell damn yes. Only a moron could dislike him after hearing "MIB"
23% of those in dissent said they they would hang Will smith over their fireplace as a hunting trophy... It is been rumoured that his former life as Captain Planet has something to do with this. Will Smith is, however, a friend to all robots.
And you can not forget that he loves spiders...yep you heard me. sdghahhkfsdjkfhkashfk....sorry there was a spider on the keybord.
[edit] Best Friends
- Lord Xenu
- Tommy Lee Jones
- Your Dad
- Jeff Goldblume
- Patrick Duffy
- Various other short black men who have no self respect for themselves see Carlton Banks, Martin Lawerence, DJ Jazzy Jeff, that little boy in the movie the Pursuit of happiness whose name is unknown and irrelevant because no one ever so that movie before except for Roger Ebert, Jeffrey his butler and your dad
See also: The French Prince of Bel Air
| This article forms part of the series on Scientology | |
| Beliefs | Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Dianetics ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse | |
| Concepts | AT Field ~ Objectivism ~ The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth) | |
| Practices | Kitten Huffing ~ ITASTWD | |
| People | Tom Cruise ~ Katie Holmes ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ John Travolta ~ Beck ~ Superman ~ Chef ~ Will Smith | |
| Enemies | You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley | |
