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William Bennett)
Bennett deep in prayer, asking
God to bring horrible deaths to all
Marijuana users.
William Bennett AKA, Little Willie, Wee Willie, or Little Dick, was the most virtuous man the world has ever known. In fact, he invented virtue. His invention of virtue allowed mankind to arise from its primordial, slothful state of constant drug use, masturbation, and Uncyclopedia editing, thus laying the foundation for a civilized society. Though parts of his book The Book of Virtue were plagiarized by Aesop, Aristotle, and the writers of the Bible, he was of such a forgiving nature that he did not mind them taking credit for his ideas.
[edit] Tough Love
The chief virtue that Bennett advocated was tough love. This involves torturing anyone who shows an inclination toward aberrant behavior, until the person so afflicted returns to the path of righteousness (or commits suicide, in either case they will be better off, having been saved from sin.) Tough love can also be spelled "tufluv" as it is the texts of the chief agency charged with dispensing it Miniluv.
The primary area in which he advocated tough love was in the area of drug use. As Drug Commissar for US Presidents Oliver Cromwell, Jerry Fallwell, and Osama bin Laden he instituted a policy of sentencing anyone suspected to have ever experimented with drugs to 100 years in prison to be ass raped by violent criminals. This policy completely eliminated drug abuse in the United States. Bennett also advised Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong on their drug policies.
[edit] Other Virtuous Activities
As if this wasn't enough Bennett found time to raise millions of dollars to help feed needy casino owners.
Bennet's favorite food was Soylent Black Fetus. He became a spokesman for the company that manufactured it, saying "Soylent Black Fetus is not only tasty but it also helps fight crime." Unfortunately for him this led to his death in 2020 when choked on a piece of bone in a black fetus that had not been propely fileted.
[edit] See also
| The Conclave of Doom: ∩, Fred Phelps, Ed Gein, Assholes, Al Gore, Hugo Chavez, Sailor Moon, George W. Bush, Mario, Benito Mussolini, Dick Cheney, Adolf Hitler the Jackoff, Nancy Pelosi, Bert, George Washington, Bears, Organization XIII, User:Darkness..123, Ernie, Killer whales, Ł, Ronald Reagan, Oprah Winfrey, Satan, KFC, Old Men, Xerxes the Gay, The Burger King, Wendy Thomas, Ronald McDonald, Enron, Grue, Elvis Presley, The Pope, Penguins, Kyle Broflovski, King Stewie of the Universe, Sephiroth, Kermit the Frog, Margaret Thatcher,Adult Swim, Jimbo Wales, 1337, Mickey Mouse, Perdition, Star Wars Kid, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Mel Gibson, Mudkip, Dick the Clown, 4Kids, Robert Mugabe, Eddie Caputo
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| Comics Committee: Doctor Doom, Emperor Galactus of the World and Universe, Joker, Lex Luthor, Megatron, Mr. Freeze, Pikachu, The Riddler, Rob Liefeld, Cream the Rabbit, Magneto, Venom, Dr. Robotnik, Optimus Prime, Jimmy Neutron, Spongebob Squarepants
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| Space Committee: Uncle Andross, Chairman Drek, Darth Vader, Dr. Nefarious, John Travolta, Katie Holmes, Khan Noonien Singh, L. Ron Hubbard, The Irken Empire, Zim, Team Rocket, Tom Cruise, Xenu, Meg Griffin, CATS, Neopets, Dalek Fred
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| Music/Theatre Committee: Abu Hamza, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kevin Federline, Leonard Bernstein, Avril Lavigne, Ł, Paul Hindemith, Madonna, Ron Jeremy, Hannah Montana, BBC, Gaahl
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| Thunderess Terror Trio: Steve Ballmer, Chris Chocola, Michael Howard
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| Minions: Fox "News", Rob Liefeld, Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Springer
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| The Dancing Monkey Pajamas Party: Abu Hamza, Homsar, Pee-Wee Herman, Teletubbies, Herman Munster, Daffy Duck, O.J. Simpson, Mace Windu, Toad
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| Politics Committee: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, The Legendary White Teletubby, Bill Bennett, Charles Montgomery Burns, Ted Kennedy, Chairman Mao, Hugo Chávez, Nelson Mandela, Kim Jong-Ill, CNN, Fox News, Imelda Marcos, Che Guevara, Joseph Stalin, Ian Paisley, John Kerry, Michael Moore, Sean Penn, Jon Stewart, Pacmen's Republic of Hong Kong
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| Sports Committee: Al Davis, Joey Barton, Chel$ki Abramograd F.C., Kobe Bryant, Roger Clemens, █████ ██████, Hulk Hogan, Rusty Wallace, Shaquille O'Neal, Hubert Horatio Humphrey, Vince McMahon, Sal Fasano, Ash Ketchum, Dwyane Wade, Yao Ming, Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson, Shawn Johnson, Jimmie Johnson, Michael Phelps, Ya mum
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| Undead Committee: Bob Barker, Timmy Turner, Dracula, French people, Fidel Castor, Ganondorf, King Boo, Michael Jackson, Ralph Nader, Skeletor, Freddy Krueger, Barbara Walters, Simon Cowell, Hugh Hefner, Furby, Roger Ebert, Larry King, Mick Jagger, Mr. Stingray, Ku Klux Klan, Brian Peppers, Jason, Irwin's Ghost, Mad TV, Cthulhu, Tristmaster, Fat Spiderman
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| The Remaining Reprobates: Segata Sanshiro, Black Mage, Dr. Evil, Evil Pizza, Artemis Fowl, Fog, Maozilla, The Koopa Kids, Carlos Mencia, Your mom, Steve Ballmer, Gayzilla, Bill Gates, Baby Seals, Kobe, Dr. Claw, Platypus, Wario the Quario, Swansea, Bubs Concession Stand, Yao Ming, Wikipedia, Hersheys, Santa Claus, Spyro the Dragon, Barney, Michelle Malkin, Erin Esurance, Claude Speed, Bob Barker, Jack Thompson, Apple computers, Osama Bin Laden, You, Kim Possible, Steve Jobs, ClayPigeonSite
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Capitol: Rockport, Texas
