Windows Chess

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The Windows Chess™ interface (assembled from multiple screenshots).  In this version (1.5), the images depicted herein are based on the classic Civil Rights Commemorative Chess Set from the Franklin Mint.
The Windows Chess™ interface (assembled from multiple screenshots). In this version (1.5), the images depicted herein are based on the classic Civil Rights Commemorative Chess Set from the Franklin Mint.

Windows Chess™ is a world-class chess simulation software package created and developed by Steve Ballmer Mark Lucovsky, which was bundled and shipped as as-is-ware with the popular Microsoft® Windows XP Service Pack 2 in August 2004. For the first time in Windows's modern history, ordinary chess-ignorant people now have the opportunity to play real chess on a real computer, just like the pros.

Contents

[edit] Revolutionary Graphical Interfacial System (RGIF)

Windows Chess™ boasts a revolutionary chess-player graphical interfacial system via the utilization of fully-integrated and highly-detailed thumbnail images, which are easily movable from place to place on the screen with Window's patented mouse-driven "Click & Drag™" technology. The program is so incredibly sophisticated that it is fully capable of compensating for inaccurate moves by instantly aligning (Snap-Action™) each activated chess piece to an invisible grid that lurks in the window's invisible background. With Windows Chess™, fumbling or otherwise misplacing individual chess pieces is now a thing of the past.

[edit] Standard accessories

Windows Chess™ also comes equipped with a text document that explains, in meticulous detail, how to play Windows Chess™ (written especially for Microsoft® Windows users by the esteemed FIDE (Fédération Internationale des Échecs)). However, most people to date have been much too taken in by the program's incredible and dazzling life-likeness to be bothered with learning the official rules of chess in the first place.

[edit] Advanced options

Experienced computer-chess players also have the advanced option of changing individual chess-piece images from their pre-set factory settings by substituting anything they jolly well please (including, but not limited to, pornographic imagery (assuming that they have that sort of aberrant inclination in the first place)).

[edit] Enhanced human control

Unlike previous computerized chess programs in which only one human was allowed to participate at any given time, Windows Chess™ allows as many as two (2) human players to play each other, all at the same time, on the very same computer. This ingenious parallelization of limited resources at the user's end almost doubles the effectivity of human control over the game of chess, which is hard enough to play as it is. The program also does away with unpredictable nasty factors which have perennially plagued and/or otherwise troubled many computer-chess players in the past; Windows Chess™ is absolutely guaranteed not to take on an adversarial role (such as autonomously moving half of the pieces in entirely undesirable ways).

[edit] Public acclaim

Experienced computer-chess players all over the world have nothing but high praise for the stunning realism and remarkable ease of use of Windows Chess™; some say that they now hardly ever realize that they are even playing chess on a computer at all. With Windows Chess™, even a person such as you can now become immersed into a thrilling virtual experience that only a fully-fledged two-dimensional chess-like world can provide.

[edit] Technical requirements

Windows Chess™ uses approx 2 TB of hard-disk space and runs only on fully registered versions of Microsoft® Windows XP. It also requires an absolute minimum resolution of 1000000024 by 70000068 in order to display the entire width of the virtual chessboard (or 1000000000920 by 1000000000440 to display the entire board from top to bottom) without the inconvenience of tedious scrolling.


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