Windows Me

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

“Windows ME! Windows ME! Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha I will soon take over the WORLD!”

~ Bill Gates on The Title of Windows Me

“Blessed art the ME.”

~ Jesus on Windows ME (yes, the scribes goofed.)

“Bulletproof.”

~ John Q. Robbins on Windows ME

“Swear to Windows MEEEEEEEEEEE!”

~ Christian Bale on Windows ME

Windows ME (major error/mistake edition) is often dubbed as the "Greatest OS ever!" With its new innovative features such as "windows calculculator" "rainbow crash screen" and "petifile child traker assistent", it soon sold over 3 copies (not counting old Billy's Mom and Steve Ballmer's gay cousin). There is dispute over whether or not the operating system was named after the nervous disorder or if the nervous disorder was named after the operating system, which most likely caused it to exist in the first case. Windows Me is also known as MEH, for the nerds such as your grandmother. You have to pray each time you save something before it explodes.

A successor to Windows 98 Jr., Windows ME mainly comprised many new features such as Internet Explorer 5.5, the world's most powerful open source web browser, and Windows Media Player 7, a virtual rendition of the ancient community entertainers. Windows ME also included the new movie maker software, which generated GIF animations of a rotating ice cream cone of any color (limited to a tri-color palette).

Bill Gates originally wanted to release Windows ME as Windows Bill, but he decided that Windows ME would be better, because then he could say "You have to worship ME!".

It is the only operating system in the world known to have been coded by a 2-year old toddler randomly smashing on the keyboard with a toy truck, and the only OS that inspired a Japanese manga internet meme: ME-Tan, also know as "that dumbshit".

"Worst operating system, EVER!"

1 The "System Restore" controversy
2 ME (Mistakes and Errors)
3 Windows ME Source Code
4 Rise of Windows ME's popularity
5 See also:

[edit] The "System Restore" controversy

Windows ME introduced the "System Restore" utility, which was meant to prevent any kind of regression in computer performance. It was intended to log everything the user did, providing an infinite undoing function. Slowly, people started to discover that they could not undo buying their computer in the first place, which caused a protest at Microsoft's headquarters in Redmond, Washington.

Promptly after the protest, Microsoft released Windows ME Service Pack 1, a service pack fixing the undo function. It has remained the most useful utility in the world and has saved numerous companies from bankruptcy by allowing them to undo risky business decisions, and saving individuals from themselves.

In fact, restoring the user system was the last thing "System Restore" was able to do. Although this might sound like a problem, it simply turned out to be no big deal, since Windows Me is by default scheduled to fuck up every monday and fryday at 6:66PM, anyway.

[edit] ME (Mistakes and Errors)

When you first use this version of Windows, at least 200 error messages will appear and at least 350 mistakes will occur. That's why people always says "If the error messange appears, then I can be sure this computer is running Windows ME"... So after about 1 day, Macrohard released a new version of Windows called "Windows XD".

[edit] Windows ME Source Code

      #include <crash.h>
      #include <monopoly.h>
      #include <win98.h>
      #include <win95.h>
      #include <win31.h>
      #include <error.h>
      #include <iostream>
      #include <fancyshell.h>
      #include <ie55.h>
      #include <windows.h>  
      #define USAGE very_hard
      error main(crash* every_day,crash* onehunderedandfifty) {
             WindowsShell shell(INTEGRATE_WITH_IE,3000MB,1000GB);
             Monopoly ms(CRUSH_LINUX_AND_MACOSX);
             InternetExplorer ie(UPGRADEABLE,CRASH_EVERY_3_SECONDS,ms); 
             while(true) {
                    run_windows_31(shell,ms,ie,40000);
             };
      return getError(rand(SOME_ERROR,ALTERNATE_ERROR));
      };

Code snippet: \private\windows\v\4.90\src.cpp in the Windows source code.

[edit] Rise of Windows ME's popularity

Sana working on the top-secret Togo project.

When Windows ME was first unveiled to the public, people were generally worried that the operating system was not going to be as secure as Windows 93. They were overwhelmed at the retail version, therefore, a new website being the advocacy site for upgrading to Windows ME was created. It was named the Spread Windows ME Foundation

Shortly after the website was created, WMEUGs, or Windows ME User Groups were formed for admirers of Windows ME that wished to express their gratitude to Microsoft.

On September 15th, 2000, the day after the retail release of Windows ME, a deadly computer virus was unveiled to the world and shut down every computer on the planet. It was named the Jelly Kiss virus. It was later discovered that this virus was only infecting computers not using Windows ME. The virus developer, identified as Sanae Shintani (more commonly known as Sana), was found to have been hired by Microsoft for developing this virus, forcing users to use Windows ME. Viral marketing has never been so viral. It has been rumored that Sana is working on a second viral marketing project known inside Microsoft as the Togo Project. A song in the Konami video game beatmania IIDX was created to honor the talent of this woman. The song was named "Jelly Kiss" by an artist under the pseudonym. Sana feat. Togo project.

From this point on, no more operating systems were developed, and the WMEUG members go door-to-door daily telling people about the joys of working on a computer again and running Windows ME.

While many homeowners decide to slam the door in their face, some are influenced into leaving their typewriter to experience the thrilling sensation they had missed for so much time.

According to software marketing expert John "Don't quote me on this" Smith, worldwide computer use has increased from 1% to 47% in the last 5 years due to the Windows ME User Groups.

In the year 2007, however, the world realized that Windows ME was a piece of shit and switched to Linux and enjoyed open-source, fast, and secure goodness.

Or maybe not...