Windows XD
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Wit brought to you in the finest Windows tradition.”
~ Bill Gates on Windows XD
“It still runs like shit, but damn. It's just so witty.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Windows XD
“Curse you and your humourous laughter!”
~ Windows XP on Windows XD
Contents |
[edit] The Beginning
Microsoft Windows XD was released by Bill Gates at the same time as Windows XP. Regardless of its apparently abstract wittyness, Windows XD soon descended into obscurity, overshadowed by its less witty counterpart. However, all was not lost; a copy of Windows XD was haxed in 2003, and distributed throughout the underground nerd market. Windows XD has been reported to have only a few more features than the Windows XP, alongside the intricate placings of "LOL", "ROFL", "LMAO" and "OMG", giving the system a "bureaucratic" sense of humour not seen in the general line of computers today.
[edit] Features
Windows XD has several additional features that Windows XP does not have. Listed below are all of the known features for Windows XD.
[edit] Games
- Minesweeper: Resweeped - A "spin-off" of the original Minesweeper seen in other Windows versions. This version of the game, however, has you sweeping a gold mine - with a broom. This is thought to have been Bill Gates' first attempt at being "witty", but did not go down well with the general populace.
- Brutally Murder Every Other Computer Company - It's not known for sure if Bill Gates was trying to be funny, or just insanely competitive. Most likely the latter. Anywho, this game has you playing as Clippit, using his blunt paperclip points of justice to kill the likenessess of Steve Jobs and the Linux Penguin.
- Assteroids - Bill Gates' first known attempt at immature humor. Your "ship" is a bottle of Preparation H, fighting to protect yourself from giant asses and hemorrhoids.
[edit] Programs
- Wurd - A spin-off version of the original Microsoft Word that translates every word you type to the "gangsta" version of the word. Also includes a "gangsta font".
- A:F6 - The purpose of this program is unknown. It simply shows a fat kid with A:F6 painted on his chest singing "A:F6" for 10 minutes. It has been suggested that it may hypnotize the viewer into buying more Microsoft products.
- Serious Business Explorer - Serious Business Explorer was an internet browser. It was widely known for proficiently keeping track of stock portfolio and porn websites.
- McAfee Virus Provider - Known as the opposite to the anti-virus system, it seemed this level of wit on Gates' behalf didn't go down well. It was reported it gave you a different virus every time, so every day you opened it was in the manual's words, "like a brand new adventure!"
[edit] "Secret" Stuff
There are several secrets programmed into Windows XD. To get them, click on the "Secrets" user icon. The Password is "password". You'll be brought to the install page, but with added secrets.
- Random Error Message- Pretty much self-explanatory
- The Secrets of Fish Mining- This is the true Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. It is a guide, created by the founder of Fish Mining himself, that gives you the secrets of fish mining; every human's dream.
- Roffle Silicon Waffles- Gives you all the knowledge of humor. Unfortunately, someone hasn't accessed this page yet.
- Uninstall Windows- The point is that you can't click that button. Mr. Gates appears to have thought this was funny.
[edit] Errors
Like every other Windows operating system, XD comes with many errors. Following are the most commonly-found errors in the operating system.
[edit] Blue Screen of LOL
When your computer preforms an unfunny operation, this screen pops up in order to alert PWN the user. It often came up for Microsoft employees during test versions, for some unknown reason. Also pops up when you do something completely serious on Serious Business Explorer.
[edit] Asploding Computer Glitch
This glitch causes your computer to spontaneously combust. It is said to occur when too much seriousness is loaded onto the computer at once. For example, having your computer recite pi to 1,135,607.28295 decimal places will result in a deadly atomic asplosion.
[edit] "Fission Mailed" Virus
When making a lame, unfunny joke that nobody laughs at, you get a huge pop-up screen which comes with the text, "FISSION MAILED". This screen cannot be closed. In order to bring your computer back to its original state, you must slap the screen with a giant fish obtained through fish mining.
[edit] Criticism
While Windows XD was still on the market (for a total of 2 days), it received abundant reviews. There were just as many positive ones as there were negative ones, too. Although the operating system has been attacked for "not being serious enough" it has also been praised for the exact same reason.
Excerpts from various reviews-
"It's just not serious enough. You can't even take care of your serious business through the so-called "Serious Business" Explorer. America is doomed!"
-Bill O RLY? on Windows XD
“LOL, STFU n00b. XD.”
~ James YA RLY. on Bill O RLY?
“Windows XD is an excellent system in every way. I even use "Microsoft Wurd" to get my recipes out to the streets of Compton”
~ Martha Stewart on Windows XD
“I laughed, I cried, and left thinking 'What the fuck just happened?'”
~ Some Movie Critic on a movie that's completely unrelated to Windows XD
“It stinks!”
~ Jay Sherman on Windows XD
“0h g0d wh47 73h h311 did i d0? 0 w3ll b4ck t0 D&D!!! IM COMING FOR YOU PALADIN!!”
~ Bill Gates on Windows XD
[edit] Follow-up systems
Microsoft has released a follow-up operating system to Windows XD, entitled Windows Vista. As with its predecessor, Vista's humour seems to be lost on most users, and given its lack of commercial success, it appears to be destined for the same obscurity as Windows XD.
[edit] Users
| OH NO! This page contains Pokémon! Don't get hit by flying members of Team Rocket, and make sure that dumb bitch Misty doesn't steal your bike! |
There are currently some users of Windows XD, including the Pokemons appeared in the game Pokemon XD, especially Shadow Lugia! Because they think the next Windows operating system Windows Vista sucks, they will never upgrade (actually it means downgrade) to Windows Vista.
Categories: Computers | Pokemon | Censored | Microsoft
