Winnie the Pooh

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Welcome to the hundred acre wood motherfucker!

“I have winnie the pooh curtains!”

~ Brooke on her curtains

“Show me the hunny.”

~ Winston Poohson III

“Oh bother.”

~ Winnie the Pooh on buttsecks

“Ha ha! His name is "Poo"!”

~ Moron on Winnie the Pooh's Name

Winnie the Poop (1759-1857) (Born Alan Bennet, also known as "Winnie the Turd" or "La Merde Winnie") was the first French president, and the first professional assassin to ever be elected president of any nation if you dont include Calvin's Hobbes. He was much admired for his authoritative personality and super-efficient government, but perhaps more so for his alleged "Hundred-Frag" wood massacre. However he did leave behind a list of people he was unable to finish off and thus we need to help to exterminate the stodgy old farts at the earliest. Poop has been named Sexiest Living Creature of the Known Universe by unanimous decision of the Kazakhstani government at least five times that we know of. The cocksucker killed Jack Kennedy!

[edit] Early life

Winston Poohson III, is a stupid ass nigga who grew up in the South Jamaica neighborhood of Queens in New York City.H He grew up without a father and was raised by his mother Debra Poohson, who gave birth to him at the age of fifteen. Debra , who was a nurse, raised Pooh until the age of eight, when she was hit by a bus. At the age of twenty-three, she died in the hospital she worked in. After her death,Poohson moved into best friend*Piglet house.[1][6][7] He recalls, "Piglet's mother, told me, 'Your mother's not coming home. She's not gonna come back to pick you up. You're gonna stay with me now.' That's when I started adjusting to the streets a little bit."[8] Winston grew up with his Piglet, Tigger, who earned the nickname "Tigger the nigger" for his current occupation is a pimp and a nigga.[9]

Winston began boxing around the age of eleven.FUCK LAKAI FUCK PODIUM ES IS THE REAL SHIT NIGGA In the mid 1980s, he competed in the Junior Olympics as an amateur boxer. He recounts, "I was competitive in the ring all i wanted to do was beat people up"[10] At the age of twelve, Winston began dealing Honey when Piglet's parents thought he was at after-school programs.[11] He also took guns and Honey money to school.[8] He almost took an OD while he was supposedly at a roller disco night with his youth club. This caused the growth of a minute brain tumour which resided in the part of the brain handling vocabulary. From that day he was never able to spell Honey correctly, opting to spell it "Hunny" instead, no matter how many beatings he received.

On May 15, 1993,Winston was arrested for helping to sell four vials of Honey to an undercover police officer. He was arrested again three weeks later when police searched his home and found more honey, ten ounces of crack cocaine, and a starter gun. He was sentenced to three to nine years in prison, but managed to serve six weeks.After relsesd winnie moved to "Hundred Acre Wood" with his frineds. So persuie a rap carrer that he soon gave up on to become a professional assassin.

[edit] Personal Life

On June 13, 1997, Winston's then-girlfriend Minnie Mouse gave birth to a son, Gaybreil Poohson .[3][43] The birth of his son changed his outlook on life, "when my son came into my life, my priorities changed, because I wanted to have the relationship with him, that I didn’t have with my father."[44] Winnie soon broke up with Minnie after Mickey Mouse got involed. Winnie is aperntly dated Jessica Alba and Mr. Price,He is currnetly single and buliding a relationship with his son.

In 2007, Winnie the Pooh had been charged for causing a siege at the Hundred Acre Wood Theater Centre. Pooh had been charged with kidnapping while armed (which carries a possible life sentence which O.J. Simpson didn't get), false imprisonment, using a firearm during the commission of a felony and reckless endangerment. Pooh was sentenced to a potential life sentence and an additional 21 years, in which Pooh spent six years dropping the soap for Tigger, who was serving 1,034 years in prison for seventy counts of rape, lewd act upon a child and solicitation of a minor.

[edit] Ventures

Winnie has established himself in a wide variety of fields outside of his career. In November 2003, he signed a five year deal with Reebok to distribute a G-unit Sneakers line as part of 50 cent's G-Unit Clothing Company.[54][55] Winnie has also starred in maney films including : "the tigger movie" "piglet's big movie" "Nautey meets nice" "Pooh's Heffalump Movie" He also has made one gansta rap album called "you can't handle the pooh" with collaberations with Snoop Dogg,Jay-Z,DMX and G-Unit.

Unfortunately, his greed for Honey overshadowed his significant contributions to the world of finance and genealogy, and he has been lost to history. Contemporary historians are in the process of analyzing his mysterious idiosyncrasies, and have correlated him with the Queen Bee, Metternich of Austria, and that one Mayor of that one town in that one place. He's a devout Taoist and has a book written about him: The Tao of Poop.

Winnie's friends played an instrumental role in dictating France. Here are a few of them :

Piglet, a homosexual baby pig who considers Pooh his "best friend." Really, Pooh's just trying to be nice, when he really finds him annoying.
Tigger, his current occupation is a pimp and a nigga, hence his nickname "Tigga the Nigga." He has an addiction to crack and "bouncing", presumably a reference to the need to keep his bitches in line.
Rabbit, a homosexual rabbit who is always worrying about his carrots. Rumor has it he has an attraction to a bird named Kessie, who he took care of, but then again, he's gay, so...
Owl, the typical nerd. He has a large collection of adult magazines, but only has time to read his favorite Oscar Wilde quotes.
Kanga, part one of the god-forbidden duo, Kanga is the overprotective ganja farmer/single teenage mother. She is an alcoholic.
Roo, part two of the god-forbidden duo, Roo is the annoying bastard. He has ADD.
Eeyore, a gothic elephant-mule who likes to cut himself and be depressed. He does this rightfully so because he was touched as a child and will has a nail up his ass.
Gopher, a crazed serial killer with a speech impediment. He once worked on a cruise ship, but was fired for digging holes in the deck.
Christopher Robin, the sissy kid(main girl in Charlotte's Web) who's only friends are stuffed animals. He's secretly transgendered and in love with Pooh.

A popular play was also written about Winnie the Poop. Called, Winnie The Poohs on Drugs Too it starred Jeremy Clarkson driving a Masarati to work as a plumber every day and bartender at night.