Winternet

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The Winternet is Tony Hawk's greatest creation. Originally, it was invented to rid the internet of the tide of misinformation and porn that had descended on it. Unfortunately, it only succeeded in making the web so complicated that only Tony Hawk and his mentally-challenged friends could understand it.

[edit] Setup

In order to install the Winternet, you must come up with the most sadistic, bastarded sentence that you can think of involving Chihuahuas and Gypsies. In order to operate and control the Winternet, you are required to have at least a degree in conspiracy theory, been a major participant in at least four large-scale conspiracies, or invented one conspiracy involving black helicopters.

[edit] Power

The Winternet receives power from illegal immigrants running on treadmills. In addition to supplying the Winternet with its power, these immigrants also illegally do math on the American side of the border, a process normally done legally by computers. This combination of illegal math and treadmilling was dubbed the "Winternet Chip". Though considered unethical by many, none can deny the unbelievable processing power of illegal immigrants, and to this day, the Winternet Chip remains the cheapest and most efficient processor available.

[edit] Catastrophe

The extreme success of the Winternet and its coveted "Winternet Chip" immediately raised the suspicions of Al Gore, whom some say invented the internet. Acting quickly to strike down this new menace to his grandeur creation, Al and his buddies got out their pens and wrote unkindly worded letters to Tony Hawk, who, upon receiving, spontaneously combusted. However, due to the ironic nature of spontaneous combustion, Hawk was able to successfully come back to life to once again maintain the all-powerful Winternet. Al Gore, angered by these developments, went to the Supreme Court and whined like a dog. The Supreme Court, deciding that it was, indeed, quite illegal to hire illegal immigrants to do anything, decided to charge Al Gore with murder in the first degree. Al Gore was sentenced to death (Gore later escaped by banging his head against his prison wall until it came tumbling down). However, due to his earlier ironic reincarnation, Tony Hawk soon met with an ironic death. Though the details are unknown, it is rumored that Oprah was involved. An autopsy performed by rabid rabbits on steroids declared that he had died of severe Oscar Wildeism, though the accuracy of this report is still highly disputed.

[edit] The Failure

With their project leader gone, Team Winternet didn't have enough competence left to maintain the Winternet. In a sorrowfully given speech in the small town of Washington, D.C., Team Winternet declared the end of the Winternet. Exceprt from the Washington Address "... and so, it is with a heavy heart that we announce that the Winternet will, after today, no longer be available to anybody. All Winternet Chips will be recalled... and most of us will probably kill ourselves." True to their word, seven out of the remaining nine Team Winternet cast killed themselves in various ways (the body of one was never found). The whereabouts of the two Team Winternet cast still alive remain unknown.

[edit] Casualty List

Team Winternet:

Thug 1 -- Killed in Action

Thug 2 -- Killed in Action

Thug 3 -- Missing, Presumed Dead

Thug 4 -- Killed in Action

Thug 5 -- Killed in Action

Thug 6 -- Killed in Action

Thug 7 -- Killed in Action

Thug 8 -- Missing in Action

Thug 9 -- Missing in Action

Tony Hawk -- Killed in Action

Opponents:

Al Gore -- Fractured Cranium