Women spies
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[edit] Female espionage
I could see the spy now, not more then 50 meters away, on the roof of the town mosque.
He must be a stupid foreigner, because he was wearing a heavy overcoat, even through it was 100 degrees in the shade.
Not to mention that the clothing hampered his movement a lot. I sighed, and pulled out my pistol.
There was only one penalty for spying.I straightend, and raised the pistol, but before I could pull the trigger, the spy removed his overcoat.
I dropped the gun in shock.
It landed on a dustbin, and made an awful racket, which the spy heard, and bolted.
I didn't pursue her though; Yes, it was a her, not a he, and the overcoat had been to cover-up the fact she was wearing a burkah.
A muslim woman, as a foreign spy?
I could hardly believe it.
More importantly, what was I going to do with Her when I caught up with Her.
I couldn't shoot her, that wouldn't be right. In the movies heroes always just spanked bad Women.
Could I do that? I smiled to myself, of course I could, I might even enjoy it.
I stepped out in to the street....and something Black knocked me to the ground.
I had hit my head, and was feeling very groggy.
Then pain, white, hot pain. I screamed.
The spy was standing over me, and in her hand was......my manhood. I screamed, more from terror then pain. Then I passed out.
When I came too, the pain was agonising. I sat up, and pain shot through my groin.
My nuts! they were gone! I felt like crying, but then I noticed a note pinned to my chest.
it read "Gee mate, you didn't have much!", then instead of crying I passed out again.Amercan Spy
[edit] History
Women spies go a long way back, at least as far back as the term "Spy" itself.
The first recorded Female spy is in the book of Joshua, where a prostitute called Rayhab helped the Isrealites Capture the City of Jericho by habouring spies and passing information.
A previous, unconfirmed report states that Debraoh (The Apocrapher), who was famous for killing an Enemy General by driving a tent peg through his skull (a fine example of campcraft), was actually a Spy, instead of a traitor.
The first Spying organisation is thought to have been Turkish, and Operated along side the famous Assasins group with came into existents in the 2nd Century BC.
[edit] Advantages
Women spies have always had a big advantage over male ones, due to the handy gap between the breasts which secret notes can hide in.
Of course, small breasted women do not have this advantage.
The large behinds normally associated with female kind come in handy when falling off tall buildings, providing a unique cushioning effect.
Longer hair is also useful, as with metal balls at the end it can become a formidable weapon.
Women entering the spy business are required to have large thighs, which increase the number of side-arms that can be sercured there, Lara Croft being a classic example of this phenomena.
The shiny underwear favoured by female spies is thought to have a useful effect in bright light, dazzling enemies into confusion. However it has been suggested that this effect is actually derived merely from seeing women in their underwear, and the colour is mostly irrelavent.
[edit] Tactics
They are often masters of diversion, Many an unlucky man has been stunned by lines such as; "Is that a gun in your pocket", "Hey look, Something shiny" and "Cop a look at these".
This is generally folowed by the rapid insertion, from 50 paces, of a throwing dagger into said male's eye, who's last words were oficially record as "Did you see the size of those TITS!!". One tactic employed with great affect by American spys is to cover the back of a pair of shorts with glue, then by extreme use of feminine charm, convince ( sources suggest that little persuastion is needed) victims ( often lonely secerity guards) to put both hands on the Rump of the spy wearing the shorts, causing the hands to become attached to the derreie, and leaving the Spy free (except from the pair of hands on her bottom) to deal with the man in question. A similar strategy was some times used by Ethopian spys, but using a spider (venomous) concealed in the bosom, which when a random hand decends in to the, er, space? Bites the hand, causing a painful, slow death. .
[edit] Equipment
See-through Blouses and G-strings are essential kit, as are Spring loaded Bras (great for catapults) and cavity tubes(for women with Boobs too small to hold notes, these tubes provide another option, fitting neatly in to the rectal cavity). However, more then one small breasted spy carrying a cavity tube has been caught, having been spotted looking uncomfortable and scratching a lot, leading to a cavity search and the subsequent arrest and execution of the spy.
[edit] Weapons
Pink rifles and handguns prevail, but the occaisional Elastrator keeps the men honest.
Burdizzo's are gaining popularity, but growth in that sector is confined to Christian Spies, who claim that casteration is divine retribution. Large handbags, which would attrach considerable attention carried by a Male, can provide space for storing equipment and weapons, or even just filled with bricks and used to give victims a clout on the head with.


