Worksop
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Worksop is a massiveish place in the county of Retfordshire in the 20th century nationalised by the Soviet Union before being sold in 1993. Worksop was formerly called Keepworking, but after the fluff miners strike of 576AD, the townspeople voted to become lazy, and so renamed the town Workshouldstop. However, the people had become so accustomed their new lazyness, that the re-naming process was a long drawn out process, and only the letters making up the word Worksop were put on road signs. The signs themselves had to be put in by workers more accustomed to physical movement from Retford, a nearby far superior town, as the Worksopians were having a nap.
Drug-dealing is a major problem in Worksop, with drugs such as Cheer, Tony Blair's left elbow and Instavomit regularly used to give inhabitants a quick fix. On most days the drug dealers out weigh the other people and has enforced a major price reduction in off your tits pills. Worksop's reputed drug baron only known as A Lovely is quick to crush those who oppose him.
Worksop actually holds the world record for the being the shittiest place on earth.
Born in Worksop were former Engerland manager Graham Turnip, WWE Wrestler turned turn buckle eater George the Animal Steel, Stuart Ludock (him of the Barrymore Pool incident) and golfer/mason, Lee Westwood.
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[edit] Famous Worksop Residents
The reclusive Third Earl Of Worksop lives in a dusty Worksop shed surrounded by ancient racing motorcycles. Assisted by his trusty manservant Brock he runs the world's most successful Classic Suzuki Racing Organisation, but doesn't like to talk about it.
The most famous person still living in Worksop is 'town sheriff', noticeable for his camp voice, he is a bald security guard employed by Woolworths, who obviously feels so worried in his line of work, he feels it necessary to wear a bullet-proof vest.
Other noticeable residents include 'the brow' and DJ Nathan Plumb of Marks & Spencers fame.
[edit] The River Don
An obscure underwater University believed to be a remnant of Atlantean academia, this is the only university to grant degrees in Drug Dealing and Public Mooning. your mum
[edit] Trivia
- Worksop was voted the most interesting place in the world in The Worksop Council sponsored BORI opinion poll.
- The Town Council isn't elected, it rules as part of a treaty signed with Soviet Russia in 1941.
- People actually live there.
- Abu Hamza is believed to have lost his hand in Worksop after a fracas with one of the Queen's Head's many refined and upstanding patrons.
- Once upon a Time in the West was actually filmed there - a great coup for The People's Republic.
- John Prescott had decided to crush Worksop, but Development Policy then was taken away from him, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown are favourable though and Oprah Winfrey may be contracted to sit on Worksop so that new building can then take place.
- Pingu Lives in Worksop which is were he became so chavy, and became a drug dealer.
- The emotions envy and delight were first discovered in Worksop, in 1856.
- Gang culture is rife in Bassetlaw, with the Rhodesia Reprobates, the Carlton Courteous and the Shireoaks Scoundrels exchanging profanities and benefit fraud tips on a daily basis.
- Lord Lucan is believed to be living on Gateford Road, posing as a caravan salesman.
[edit] Schools
There are two main comprehensive schools in the Worksop area. Valley is easily the best out of the two with a much higher teenage pregnancy rate and more drug dealers per metre, although Portland is now known to be the official home of the chav. In 2004, both schools opted out of the national curriculum to persue courses with more relevance to the students, including the management and organisation of daytime TV scheduling and child abuse.
Worksop College is another option for those of a wealthy background, although scholarships can be granted to those with a high level of twatishness, such as Richard Bacon.
[edit] Quotes on Worksop
“Script for Once Upon A Time in the West wrote itself, all Sergio needed was to read the local paper and attend a few local meetings and he had 90% of the material, my character was based on The Local Planning Officer”
~ Henry Fonda on Worksop
“Omg This is officialy Chavland”
~ David Mitchell on Worksop
