Worst 100 Computer Games of All Time

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According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* Computer Games ever made.** Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.

15 squared and a half plus infinity minus one plus four

Michael Jackson the Game: As Michael Jackson, you have to dance your way to get away from the paparazzi, police, lawsuits, and win the ultimate prize, a new nose job.

15 squared and a half plus infinity minus one plus three all over slipper. Fuck

No comment necessary...

15 squared plus "dickety six" to log86

OSCAR WILDE 2, The Blodening.

The wildey succsesful Lebaneese culture orientated video game released circa MMCDDLXXVII has long been considered contrary to unpopular belief, as proof that not only can video games be a wildely artistic and beautiful medium to comunicate the futility of springtime, but that soft-core nudity, when used in conjunction with subtly fine tuned graphics processing engines and lashing s of RAM can unleash the wrath of Pope LucyXI on the souls of childish insurance agents from the east side of most ethnic comunities. The game opens in eighteen dickety four, and you, playing as the (in)famous Lord Wilde, Sergent of the frst Strike Force of The United Rupublic of The Knights of Cydonia, must hunt down and incognitofy Serj Tankian. However the whiney bitchy one from Lost lurks around every corner, waiting to tell all your friends that you're not actually hung like a hoover. Gamespy gave it 3% just because it came in a box.

15 squared. SimCity17

You are Dr.Breen and you get to run a city by following the orders given to you by the Combine, such as making sure everyone gets a regular beating and getting rid of people who dare say the awful word "freedom".

213. Bill Cosby - The Video Game

Take control of Guy Hanks and live the trials and tribulations of a black Middle Class American Family

212 1/2. BattleFront 3 The War on Iraq

- If you win as america, you get an image of the sadam statue being pulled down. If you win as the radical terrorists, you get an image of the twin towers on fire.

212. Pop That Corn (Haipaa poppukoon tsukuru)

You need to pop the corn before the time runs out!!!. Wii best selling game.

211. Line Rider - Tokyo Drift

That little dude on the sled goes to Japan and engages in war with the Yakuza.

210.5. Pop That Corn (Harder than ever before!!!) 2

Pop the corn. Faster, harder, slower,softer, gayer, tastier, rubbier, better.

210. Army Tortoise

Play as a machine-gun weilding tortoise as he fights against snakes on airplanes and the evil Camel Tank!!!

209. Hentai - The Game

Go around a school and rape a bunch of japanese schoolgirls in short skirts with your giant penis/alien tentacles. Banned in most countries (not Japan).

208. ET The Extra Terrestrial 2

Play ET as he falls into more pits and takes another 37 years to get out. Atari 2600.

207. Oldsy - The Game

Like the sims but with monobrows and gay blond streaks and shit.

206. I has a lollypop 

):):):):): good on ya...

205. Sim Sadam

Another exciting day in the hole...

204. Life in a sandbox

Tons of stuff to do, but it all involves playing with toys in a sandbox! Hooray!

203. Religion

Many different religions to choose from, but no matter which one you choose, those in the religions other than your own will despise you!

204. Why?

Dammit I DON'T KNOW!

202. Thunderstorm Galore Deluxe Edition

In this game you control useless masses of vaporized water across the great plains of the US, and destroy as many cities as possible! The deluxe edition adds a supercell so you can form tornadoes. (hurricanes still not included)

201. Microsoft Sweatshop Simulator X

As real as it gets... (hell ya boi)

200.75. Australian Broadcasting Corporation - The Game: Choose from hundreds of crap shows and experiment with washed celebrities that only old people have heard of as the cast.

200.5. Kevin The Magical Seacucumber

Wholesome family fun as you play as kevin, the plucky young seacucumber who can throw his intestines at things.

∞. Virtual Homework!!

Almost as fun as the real thing!

200 4.0 Counter Shrike

Fend off foraging Murray Magpies with n00b cannons and shit.

200. Gay Kids Eat Cheese

In this game you are a gay kid who eats cheese. Known in the 'States as Pacman.

199. Counter-struck

Have fun being pwned by Asian n00bs who can't spell.

198. Katamari Damacy: Google Earth

In this game, you have to swallow things to make it simpler for the people who work at Google to do their Job.

2476.002. Harry Potter and the mystery of the hair down there

Join a cult, wear gay glasses, ride around on sooped up vaccuum cleaners, and try to get a job without learning about actual relevant things like business studies, IT, english or maths.

135. Chores - The Video Game(Nintendull, 2006)

Just as fun as the real thing!

134. R.E.M. The Video Game.

Generic Number. V8 Supercars Australia 4

Watch bogans fly around Philip Island in a car that they didn't actually steal!

One Hundred And Thirty 3. Top Gear - The Game

Choose between a curly haired yob, a short angry bloke, or Ringo Starr, and see if you can make it from Miami to New Orleans without eating cheese, getting shot, or civilised society.

132. Grand Theft Kevin

131. Grand Theft Kevin - Vice City

131 plus a bit. Grand Theft Kevin - Vice City Stories

130. Fetal Fury

The hip, new popular NRK fighting sensation! Choose from a multitude of unborn babies and watch as they fight to get out of the womb first!

129. Extreme Puddle Fishing

Several different puddles to choose from!!!.

128. Infinite Monkey Typewriter Theorem

Every key on the keyboard corresponds to a random character generated on the screen. The objective is to type the entire script of Hamlet before the timer runs out.

127. Flight Stimulator- The Mile High Club

From the fine developers that brought you "Custer's Revenge"

126. Dr Kawashima's Brain Washing

The point where Nintendo was forced to use subliminal messaging to sell its new product. "Look into the screen...you are feeling sleepy...you are under my control... hear my voice...BUY A WII BUY A WII BUY A WII BUY A WII... 321 and you're back in the room".

125. Virtual Gardening (Titchmarsh electronics)

Save your garden from invading slugs by filling small holes with guinness.

124. Need for Speed - London Underground (Electronic Transit)

Race transit trains in the heart of craziness, the London Underground.

123. Medal of Honor

Streets of L.A.: This is not a driving game. This is not a fighting game. This is not a shooting game. Hell, this ain't even a game! It's True Crime.

122. Chocolate Factory

In this simulation game, you wait, you see chocolate, you put it in a box, and you start over...and do it again...and again...

121. Minority Burn-Out!

Special KKK Edition: Kill all minorities in this game where you get all the big guns, and they patiently line up to get shot!

120. Syringe Fun (Synringe Fun Corp.)

The worst game of all time; you own a company where you have to try and sell dirty, blood-stained syringes found in toilets to young children! Possible Mature rating as heroin is featured strongly in the game.

119. Toader (Ho-nami, when yo mama was around)

After Frogger has an acne problem, he is forced to redo all his missions to get his acne cream, only to find that he has warts instead.

118. British Invaders (Founding Fathers, 1781)

Contrary to what people think, Space Invaders was not the first computer game. It was just merely another ripoff of this great classic.

117. Grandpa Turismo (Ford Motor Company, 1880)

Hop into your Model T Ford and get going! Stop in the middle of the road to crank up your engine! Perfect for any nostalgic geezer!

116. Perfect Full Metal Rainbow Emblem Tactics Gaiden Online (QHT and semaGAE and Squeenix)

It looks like another first-person war shooter, right? Wrong! Yup, it's a first-person strategy game! Point and click to direct your troops, only to have the world strongest army in the world get beaten by a 12-year old kid with spiky hair, an alchemist, the tooth fairy, and a girl with an angel-winged backpack. It ended up in the dumpster after it was found that the game is, in fact, completely unbeatable.

115. Guilty King of Street Fighting: The Art of Forking (Crapcom and NRK and Slammy)

Control over 100 characters with the same fireball-dragon punch combo as they try to eat the last of Goose Tower's boysenberry pie. Go into Spork Mode and get stabby to kill your opponent in a single hit. In fact, the key to winning is in using ONLY that move! In the sequel, instant kills will be done with spoons, knives, plates, bowls, and cups as well.

114. AAAAAAAAAAAAA: The Game (EAAAAAAAAAAAA, 2005)

AAAA A AAAAAAAA AAAA AA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA!

113. Winning 9 Eleven (Con-ami, 2006)

Take control of Osama and his buddies and try to destroy the United States. Watch for the sequel where you take over the world.

112. Operation Flashpoint (Behemothic Interactive, 2002)

The game really never gained any fame since it consisted of several people running around and flashing each other with cheap digital cameras at certain points.

111. Extreme Janitor (Idiotic Gaming Central, 200X)

Play as Tom, a janitor at a major amusement park. Can you clean up all the vomit in time while avoiding getting shot into space?

110. Kill Lil' Bill II (Electronic Martial Arts, 2003)

An electronic Uma Sturman-look-a-like beating the shit out of those expensive telephone companies by turning skype instead. (again).

109. Cardboard Mario (Nincompoop, 2000)

Mario gets thicker! But he STILL has no depth!

108. Granola Turismo (Poly-PHONY Digital, 2006)

Drive souped-up granola bars through a digestive tract and earn fiber to get new accessories!

107. Devil Horns-Combat Devolutionized (Bungie Cord, 2013)

After his success in the Halo series, Master Chief battles in Devil Horns, where he battles a new alien race of politicians, ruled by George W. Bush. Also includes 666 Convicted Fires, with new French-Italian-Japanese accent!

106. Never-Final Fantasy (Square Penix, 2007)

We find out how Cloud gets his gravity-defying hair. Also, find a demo for Grand Theft Chocobo.

105. Half-Death (Pipe, 2001)

In this FPS epic you play a small town citizen who is shot by gangsters while doing the weekly egg-nog shopping. But because your packet of fake "Yu-Gi-Oh" cards deflected the bullet you survived. However you are immobile and cannot move and you get buried alive. In this intense game you must watch the termites and worms eat away at the coffin. Not recommended for people with heart conditions or epilepsy.

104. Get The Game! (MetaGames, 2003)

Game package was a an empty box with apologies for the company running out of CDs and convoluted instructions on how to get a refund. Players call a special 800 number and navigate various levels of automated customer support requiring more and more esoteric information, such as the square root of their underwear size. Only skilled and dedicated players ever reach the top level, a live human being who informs them that the process they just gone through was the game.

103. 100 Worst Computer Games of All Time - The Game (MetaGames, 2005)

Battle cruft-spewing talentless preteens while you struggle to avoid The Boss and create humorous entries for a fictional "list" by combining random words in the proper sequence.

102. Mid Life Crisis III ARCADE Mega edition (Namco, 1998)

Shoot up the menopausal wife and kids in this gun-toting, fast-paced sequel. Comes complete with plastic mp5 lightgun: perfect for the annoying bitch who doesn't understand you.

101. Public Library Tycoon. (1977)

Order books, sort shelves and file complaints to late customers, just like in a real library. Become the most successful librarian ever!

100. Zork. (the beginning of time)

'nuff said.

99. Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City (Rockstar, 2003)

Caseareo Giovanni Luigi Valentino Elvinino is a priest on a mission. Set up by an Elder of the Church in New York, Father Caseareo has been framed for drinking all of the sacramental wine.

98. Donkey Dong (Nintendo, 1984)

Smells as bad as it sounds.

97. Ms. Pac-son (Namco/OutKast, 2000)

I'm sorry Ms. Pac-son - OOH I am for real! The game which went out to all the babies momma's momma's.

96. The Secret of Donkey Island (Lucas Farts, 1945)

An unsuccessful sequel to Donkey Pong (see entry no. 98). The game featured a Muslim prophet (known as Guybrush Threepwood), an island full of stubborn donkeys and a large swordfish. It was banned in Japan following severe epilepsy seizures among young male adolescents who played it.

95. Similization II (Firmaxis, 1996)

Create individuals to live in various periods of history and then use them to invade and kill rival players.

94. Command and Concur (Westwood, 1995)

A real-time strategy game involving diplomatic relations, behind-the-scenes deals, building consensus, fighting for conciliation, and promoting concord and international harmony.

93. Plan 9 From Outer Space The Video Game - (Woodarts, 1979)

Can you defeat the aliens before they shoot long distance electrodes into the pineal and pituitary gland of the recently deceased?

92. Microsoft Card UnShuffler (Microsoft, 1990)

A game in which the player simulates putting shuffled playing cards into numerical order in their respective suits.

91. Microsoft Tea Cooker - (Microsoft, 1990)

A game in which the player simulates the preparation of a cup of tea using a tea bag. Various styles of tea are used (Earl Grey, the only tea flavor anyone has heard of, was omitted due to copyright restrictions) as well as types of sugar and types of milk. The upgraded (1992) version allows the player to select a tea pot as well (and also includes "Erl Gray", a pathetic attempt to get around copywrites. As of this writing, seven lawsuits are pending).

90. Dark Grey and Light Grey (Lionhead Studios, 2001)

Play God in this extremely open ended game. Start off mean and kill people, decide you like them instead, then fade away to be usurped by Jesus. Also you get a pet tiger.

89. SimReich (Maxis, 2001)

The National Socialist German Workers Party has won the election, and you are Hitler. Devise euthanasia programs, construct concentration camps and annex weaker nations, all for great justice. Noted for being the only game to be banned from more than 1/3 of the world's nations, and generally seen as the point at which Will Wright lost it.

88. Madden Paper Football '06 (EA Spurts, 2005)

This game uses state of the art CGI rendering and a modern physics engine to accurately simulate the game of paper football. Commentary by John Madden is still painfully obvious.

87. Drive Simulator '87 (Microsoft, 1387)

Simulates a person driving a car around popular cities, with points awarded for safety, efficiency and the ability to navigate from place to place.

86. Text Trek (Arlen Huffinger, 1973)

A Star-Trek style game played on early Unix and DEC systems using text commands.

85. Heart of Darkness (Atari, 1981)

You play the part of Willard as he travels up the river, seeking to "terminate with extreme prejudice" Colonel Kurtz's command.

84. R. Lee Ermey's Parris Island Boot Camp (Microprose, 1989)

Play the part of a gunnery sergeant as he cajoles, humiliates, manipulates and even tortures Marine recruits as they attempt (and fail) to get through their training.

83. Gangs of Newark (CostCo Software, 2003)

You are a policeman trying to control gang violence in a city that is dying of boredom.

82. Created by Warren Robinett (Atari, 1982)

The first game in which the player has to find a way around the programmer's Easter Eggs in order to actually start playing a hidden adventure game.

81. God-mode Space Invaders (Microprose, 1989)

A space invaders game in which the alien ships move slowly and never land, your laser cannon is invulnerable to damage and every successful hit you make results in the destruction of every alien ship adjacent to the ship you destroy.

80. Alex Cox's Repo Man (Microprose, 1986)

You play a young punk who is paid for legally stealing unpaid cars and returning them to the "Repo Depot". You also get points for taking over a radioactive car and flying around the sky once in a while. The makers of the game rate it as "intense".

79. Sid Meier's Retreat of Nantes (Fixthis, 1994)

Control your own army of French surrender monkeys in this absorbing battle simulation based on actual events.

78. SimStreaker (Maxis, 2000)

You design a streaker and alter his or her sex, weight, skin color, stamina, age, etc. and pick where they try to run naked. Then you see if your sim can streak through the course with out being caught (and beaten senseless) by the police. In 2001 Maxis released a Major League Baseball add on pack, in which your sim tries to disrupt baseball games.

77. Tom Bombadil - The video game (Atari, 1979)

Inspired by Peter Jackson's inspiring 2001 adaptation of The Lord of the Rings. You control Tom Bombadil, the famous Tolkien character, as he attacks wraiths and encourages hobbits to run on the soft grass without any clothes on.

76. Stuart Little: The Revenge (EA, 1999)

You play the psychotic Professor little as he builds his empire of Rats to kill his colleagues who abandoned him, see Stuart Little the Movie.

75. On Golden Pond - Offical Video Game (Ocean Games, 1984)

Two and a half years late due to technical problems, this masterpiece for the ZX-Spectrum and Commodore 64 managed to recreate the best scenes of the movie as a top-down scrolling shoot-em-up.

74. Grand Theft Cosmo (Project Apollo, 1969)

Steal spaceships and commit other intergalactic crimes in a Douglas Adams-style universe.

74 and a 1/2. Need for Speed Bombay (EA, 2004)

What could be more fun than racing though Bombay, The capital of bad traffic, in the latest version of need for speed?!

Need For Speed: Bombay
Yah... It wasn't on of the more popular Need for Speed Games. Rbpolsen

73. Sonic the Hedge (Sega, 1991)

The evil Dr. Egg has cracked open and gotten yolk all over the table. It's up to Sonic, the fastest-growing bush alive, to stop him.

72. Grabbed by the Cossacks - Napoleonic Campaign (CDV, 2002)

Part of the "La Garde receuil" series sees tiny pixelated blobs attacking other pixelated blobs.

71. Codename Band of Wolfenstein Brothers in Arms' Medal of Duty Online 1942 (EBay Games)

Storm the Beaches of Normandy, Battle in the Bulge, and kill more Nazis once again in this mindless WW2 shoot-em-up.

70. 10 Minutes 'til Friends is on (Universal Studios, 1992)

Navigate your grocery cart around chatty old people and wild children to buy Hagan Daas, Bon-Bons, and the latest Cosmo before the show starts. Then race your Geo Metro home in time to sing along with the theme song. Play as either Gina, a 30-something single sponsor of the 4-H club, or Steve, a hairdresser with a love for musicals and Cher.

69. World of Craft (Violent Snow Storm, 2004)

Creating things with popsicle sticks, cardboard and glue has never been so fun! Simulated, of course. A PC version let you print out directions for building the crafts in real life, but they were always messed up.

68. Always Summer Days (Underbioware, 2003)

Underbioware comes back with a thrilling sequel to their hit RPG Neverwinter Nights. Unfortunately the company was underbudgeted and had to ship the game with CD's made of pasta.

67. Age of Hempires III (Unassemble Studios, 2005)

An agriculture based game, you grow hemp crops, harvest them and then choose what to make out of the hemp at the factory (rope, paper etc). There is also a cheat to make your hemp crops become full of THC, which sells for a lot more then normal hemp.

66. Ultimate Frisbee 2003 (EA Games, 2002)

Play as one of twelve Scandinavian teams as you battle to win the Gold Frisbee Cup. Now with unlockable players, such as Bob Dole and Cher!

65. Lord of the Fries II - The Game! (William Gerald Golding, 1954)

Fight your way to the top of the fast food industry, from flipping burgers to running the drive through. Now with special events, like lawsuits and people making documentaries of your restaurant!

64. 24

The Game($ony, 2002):

Play as a 24-hour-working store clerk as he struggles to stay awake throughout the day. Dont forget the Trucker-Pill powerups!

63. Ping (Atari, 10000 BC)

The unsuccessful prequel to Pong. Most notable was its horrible plot.

62. Messiah! (Cleopatra, 0AD/BC)

A multi-player game. Travel around AD 33 Palestine, gaining disciples, performing miracles, and preaching the good word. First one to be crucified is the winner!

61. Finnish Fantasy (Enixsquare, 1987)

A game produced by Enixsquare. Not much is known about it, as it was only sold in France. However, a German version can be found on eBay.

60. Unreal Croquet (Micropose, 2003)

The Unreal series returns to the PC gaming scene with the fast paced and action packed Unreal Croquet.

59. Brutal Sports Scrabble (Millenium Interactive, 1994)

Kick the head off the bastard with Q on a triple square, in this Amiga title for all the family.

58. Cannon Fodder (Sensible Software, 1993)

The game that taught Bush everything he needed to know about tactics.

57. Elite (Firebird, 1985)

The game that lets you play the part of a computer nerd with no spelling skills, wtf? lol

56. Doom.5 (ID Software, 1979)

The world's first (and only) text-based first-person shooter.

55. Oscar Wilde Simulator (Gay Old Gay Productions, 1809)

A game in which you must make up quotes that don't actually exist.

54. Nintencats (Nintendo, 2004)

Comes in a 3 flavors even includes a kitten huffing version!

53. Battlefield 1916 (Electronic Parts, 2002)

Relieve all the excitement of trench-foot and walking very slowly toward the enemy in this Great War FPS.

52. Sievelization MDCLXXVII (Sid Meireioaeuers, 2548)

Conquer the very last race in the universe. It really is the last one now. We promise.

51. Black and White and Blue and Yellow and Purple and Aquamarine and Topaz and Ash (Lionhead, 2020)

The less popular sequel to Black, White and Shit Brown: A Developer's Game.

50. Get a Degree in Medicine in Just Twenty Minutes! (The Twenty-Minuters, 2005)

A reaction to the shortage of doctors in the western world.

49. Mavis Beacon Teaches Stereotyping (Overlord Beacon, 1628)

Help for those who need it.

48. Sid Meir's Pirates of Penzance! (G&S, 1914)

Do you have the skills and vocal range to become.... the Pirate King? Hurrah for the pirate king! For it is, it is, a glorious thing to beeeeee a pirate king.

47. Halo 2 - The Soundtrack Behind the Game - The Game (happyhappyfuntimes games, 2005)

Halo 2 was one of the most popular games of all time when it came out, generating some impressive statistics about stuff. The cinematic aspect of the game was often cited - it had a complex plot, actors and its own soundtrack. The release of the Soundtrack was also very popular. In this game, you watch the opening screen of Halo 2 and listen to the music from the soundtrack. A pause and skip feature is expected in November 200X with Halo 2: The Soundtrack Behind the Game: The Game: 2: Revenge of the Soundtrack Game

46. Sid Meir's Pirates of the Horn of Africa (EA, 2005)

The Pirates genre is brought bang up to date. Make your fortune by hijacking United Nations grain shipments and terrorising Cruise Liners with your RPG armed speedboats.

45. Microsoft's Crash Test Dummy - The Game (Microsoft, 2941)

Live the excitement that makes up the life of a CTD. This RPG/FPS lets you negotiate with car makers to provide safety features for your next test drive.

44. Trekken (Cramco, 1994)

Moderately unpopular 3D fighting game, featuring crude polygonal representations of characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Finish the game 35 times on "I have no career" mode to unlock classic original series characters.

43. 50K RaceWalker (Skidelectrix, 1982)

This game ACTUALLY forces you to walk fifty thousand paces from you computer, and possibly back. Forest Gump was the only one to survive it.

42. The Dali Lama Presents - UltraMeditate 3000X (Tibetan Games, 2004)

Stare at a soothing blank screen while soothing music plays in the background. Press the A button when you have achieved Zen for a special Bonus Message from the Dali Lama and a high scores page.

41. Gypsy Invaders (BurghGames, 1300-1500)

Defend your German (then called Prussian!) terriroty from sneaky gypsies, who will try to steal your food and play their music for you. Shoot them all. Not that bad a game (very much like Alien Invaders) but it's incredible levels of stereotypes, racial slurs and offensive content will cause anyone who plays it to become so racist against the Roma people (that's what the PC police want us to call them now) that they will be instantly killed by even the most Klan-like passerby. The fact that it indirectly kills you is what causes the game to make the list.

40. Toilet Cleanerz (FGL, 2002)

Travel around a busy office building in an unnamed large US city, cleaning toilets and restocking toilet paper and paper towels. Will you be the one to unclog the toilet for the man who goes on to secure the lucrative Johnson Contract? You'll never know, because all the people in this game look the same. They really wanted the focus to be more on the toilets. Happy flushing!

39. America's Army (GWBush 2003)

Not so much a video game as it really is the army. Enjoy your tour in iRaq n00bz, just remember there is no respawn in this game.

38. Glory Hole Tycoon (MicroProse, 1998)

One of the most underdesigned games of all time, most of the action of this RTS consists of developing armies of guys with drills and sending them to rest stop men's rooms. Much of the game's architecture was later recycled into a series of theme park simulators.

37. Vinyl Fantasy (Square, 1987)

Four chosen warriors put up new siding on their house. Will you finish your wall first? No, because the three AI players go at your speed, so it's always a tie. Face it, the game sucks.

36. Dr. Mario - Proctologist (Asstendo, 1337)

Use Mario's magical rubber glove to fish treasures from Bowser's naughty naughty place. extra points for stacking them up. Watch out for the 'mushrooms'.

35. Immoral Combat (Segay, Fork)

Players smack each other with dolphins until they realize there is no porpoise to the game. They sit down and contemplate the meaning of life.

34. Yao Ming's toothbrush (Red China, We could tell you, but we'd have to kill you.)

Players experience real time action as the oral hygiene consultant of a certain tall Asian basketball star! Make sure to get in those hard to reach places, otherwise cavities will develop, and Yao will sue your ass for malpractice. then get high on noooooovvaaccaaine.

33. Food Fighters (Nirvana, 1995)

A fast paced game where you fling food at the other players. Stages include dining room, kitchen, cafeteria, restraunt, and bathroom. Also available for massive multiplayer online playing.

32. Final Fantasy XI Online (Square, 2003)

It's up to you (and thousands of others) to save the world from impending doom in this revolutionary MMORPG.

31. Counter Strike - Sauce (HP, 1903)

Choose your team, tomato or mustard, engage in such games as CTC (Capture the condiments), players choose between a vast arsenal including the spoon, fork or knife.

30. Zelda - Ocarina of Crime (Nintendoom, 2000)

A prequel to all others in the series, Zelda OoC tells the story of Link's life of Crime. Doing 20 years in the slammer, you must navigate Link throughout the jail cell, serving his duties until 20 years (real time) is up. The cell is a bare 10'x10' room. Most players spend the time planning revenge or sharpening spoons, but that's not in the game you can just do it while you play. Have fun pacing back and forth!

29. Womb Raider (Eidos Interactive Limited, 2005)

Nuff' said

28. Serious Sam 1+I (Choteam, 2005)

Try to stand without Sam's chin touching the ground while killing a enemies (most of them with cosmetic operations done) all the time. Nothing natural, all is forced.

27. Rifa 2005 (EA Spourts 2.0)

Play as your favourite team in this massively successful UTI (under the influence) action packed sports game. Play as your favourite Rifa characters such as Bob Marley and Renée Zellweger.

26. Minnie Payne (RipoffSoft, 2004)

You play as Max's long-lost-sister, Minnie Driver Payne, as you run around being incredibly cheerful, but with "bullet-time" slow motion. Kill random mafia thugs and charmingly cute male actors by squeaking in your loud British accent.

25. Space Invaders (Atari, 1985)

Aliens invade your home in poorly pixellated spaceships to perform an Extreme Makeover on your living space! You have to shoot them all 'cause you liked your freakin' house the way it was before those annoying bastards got their grubby paws on it. (Cheap knockoff of British Invaders

24. Defender of Humanity (Mac OS, 1996)

Play the role of Dr. Theodore Kozinski, Ph.D, also known as the Unabomber, as you go out to the middle of nowhere in Montana. Construct your shack, build and send mail bombs to unsuspecting technology firms so that you can defeat the computer menace once and for all.

23. CandylandMaster 2000 (PC, 2005)

A spinoff of the ChessMaster series, match your wits against the CandylandMaster. Actually just draw better then he does, this game requires absolutely no skill. Hell, this is a game meant for people ages 3 to 6, why the fuck are you playing it?

22. Nigga You Don't Know Jack Shit (Blaxploitation Software, 1978)

A spinoff of the popular "You Don't Know Jack" series of games directed at an urban audience. All of its questions were in ebonics which was a problem since the majority of people who bought the game were suburban white kids who didn't quite understand the questions.

21. Grand Theft Auto- Jerkcity (Rockstar, 2006)

This version of the Grand Theft Auto series takes place in the Jerkcity universe. An incredibly weird game, it was released mainly to piss off the religious right since the game deals mainly with dongs and bongs.

20. Prince of Persia – The Modern Era (UBSoft, 1992)

The Prince of Persia is transplanted to the 1990's, where Persia is now Iran and princes have been replaced by warlords. You run around jumping around on buildings and waving your Arabic sword around until some militant insurgent shoots you with a sniper gun or you get arrested by the Taliban.

19. (tie) Math Blaster Extreme (Apple II, 1986)

The same old Math Blaster you always loved, only with numbers you never heard of yet like "threeve" and "eleventeen." Also, when you blast the math, there's a big shitload of blood everywhere, and when you zap the trash, the trash sends in reinfocements to try to kill you. Oh yeah, and let's throw in some imaginary numbers like i=-1 too.

19. (tie) Masturbroids (Atari, 1969)

Shoot down the asteroids with your "man"power. I don't know why its on this list. Its very fun game. Played often by many.

18. The life of a retard (TZ Corporation, 1987.5)

Reportadly the first sim game this game allowed you to be an ordinary retard living in a school just like yours (yes living in the school). You will get to take part in a large amount of fun tasks, such as get made fun of, get beat up, get a swirly, learn 2+2, and much much more. At the end of the game you graduate down into preschool, having been in high school for 23 years.

17. Deus Ex Machina (Aspyr, 1997)

The prequel to Deus Ex, here, you play as a genetically and technologically augmented crane operator in 400 B.C.E. Your mission is to lift the crane for the "deus ex machina" ending in some Euripedes play for which no one could come up with a good ending. You can enhance your timing and crane lifting ability up to 3 levels and restore your health by drinking the wine that those Greeks left lying around everywhere.

16. Oscar Wilde 2005 (Wildeware, 1905)

Virtually live the life of Oscar Wilde, the famous son of Obi-Wan Kenobe and Willy Wonka in this action-packed 3D adventure. You, too, can run naked through catholic churches on Dramamine, binge drink for months on end, and much much more as you relive Oscar Wilde's existence via the proxy of a computer.

15. SimShitty 9,000 (Shithouse,1982)

Oscar Wilde Describes Simshitty simply saying "this game is the shit". You start with a one shithouse town and work your way down, the game is only a "Simulation".

15.5 Super Mario Ho's (Nintendho 1667)

Play as two different coloured ugly hookers with mustaches as they try to collect coins by "whatever means nessesary" (normally sex)

14. Legostalker (Cumming + Lego, 1993-2005)

The retelling of the mundane lives of a rigid-arsed Wood Elf, his Faerie and their 9-to-5 job as 2nd Lieutenant Princess Saviour/Treasure Huntor of King Nole Island entirely in Lego bricks and people.

13. Bugs!!! V3.992512 (Baygon, 1969)

This game is full of bugs. The literal kind. The computer kind. Nevermind. It's so buggy that the game's homepage's Bug-O-Meter is still ticking merrily. The game was first shipped as V3.992512 because it was up to it's noggin in bugs. Gameplay? Oh, I get it. Nobody knows the Original Object Of The Game (OOOTG) anymore. Hardcore programmers use it to test out their uber bug-hunting skills. Many game companies now use a variant of this game as an "entrance exam" for potential programmers. Needless to say, many of them freaked out. Some say the flood of crappy games today is the direct result of their unbalanced minds. There is a one in three chance this game crashes on loadup anyway.

12. Days of the Old Republic (Look It's Art, 2004)

The dull sequel to Knights of the Old Republic, which abandons the RPG format of its predecessor for an unashamed knock-off of The Sims. The player assumes control of a small band of Jedi Knights, leading them in their virtual life. Tasks which must be routinely managed include eating, sleeping, excretion, and telekinesis. Social confrontation in the game is resolved by means of battlesticks, or occasionally, sex - but only if both parties' relationship level is at 100.

11. World of Solitaire (Bungie, 2004)

Solitaire, reinvented as a MMORPG! You hang around in an intricate fantasy world and sit on benches playing solitaire…and that's it. You can also wave hello to other players sitting on nearby benches. Basically, this game was soooo not worth the $40/month that everyone and their neighbor shelled out for it.

10. George Bush Searches For Weapons of Mass Destruction (Apple Computer, 2004)

You get to play as George Bush and you search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. This game isn't possible to complete, because their aren't actually any WMD's in the countries Bush suspects, but don't worry fans of this genere, cheats galore allowing planting WMD's and then saying you found them, and also pretending bags of sugar are anthrax and obliterating them to "Save Freedom".

<<spoiler>>

After you beat the game once, you get to pointlessly declare war on other nations and say you are fighting for Freedom and our Safety *cough*bullshit*cough*.

9. NintenBillGates (Nintendo and Microsoft, 2005)

You get to adopt a Bill Gates and raise it, walk it, train it, lick it, kiss it, and teach it how to conquer the world! It sounds like a fun game, but every time you try to touch your Bill Gates, it vilontly attacks you and rips off your shoes.

8. Knights of the Banana Republic (Look It's Art, 2003)

This exciting "prequel" to the successful RPG Knights of the Old Republic varies slightly from the original in that, instead of intense light saber battles, players instead focus on folding expensive shirts and acting very pretentious.

7. Laguna Beach - The Game (MTV Games, 2005)

Play as either Kristen or Jason. Can you help Kristen avoid Stephen just long enough to hook up with Talan? Can you help Jason hook up with Alex H, Alex M, Jessica, Kristen, LC, and Chuck Norris, all while making sure they all don't get angry at him? Can you get them all guest shots on WB shows? Play and find out.

6. Fish (Frogiclogic, 2004)

No, you aren't fishing. Rather, you get to play as Abe Vigoda on the TV show Fish. Furthermore, Fish does no fishing. Instead, he investigates traffic disputes and simple misdemeanors. Can Fish stop the evil skateboarding punk "Flash" from loitering outside the local 7-11? Who knows? Who cares?

5. Grand Theft Auto - North Korean edition (Pyongstar software, 1998)

Since there were no automobiles in North Korea and it was damn hard and [CENSORED] it gets in the top five.

4. Wall of text (5oftwarez, 2002)

this game suked because of the fact that people didn't suking like it and people who did it were some kinda weirdminded thingys that didn't even bother to Polish this game and first when it was relased they didn't matter to even bother to ship them in stores and they didn't bother to even make the credits screen anyway this game consists writing continuous text which makes no sense and no other things but letters and numbers are allowed at end of sentense so this game would had sucked even if you didn't even bother to buy this game that means if people would buy this game a a lot then those 5oftwarez people could have been very richests. plus this games graphical user interfase was nonexistant you just had a keyboard and ms word come to think of it this game was a lot like notepad because there was just some text than you wrote some more and couldnt spell very well and had lots of oscar wilde quotes from uncyclopedia and the oscar wilde quotes were dumb and i didn't understand what was happening and then i won the game so i was confused because i didn't know how i won.

π. Microsoft Paint (Microsoft, 1986)

What can be more fun than making stick-figure jpeg's so ugly, Buddha has to come in and permanently format your hard drive? Found in all copies of Windows with a new version to be shipped with every copy of Windows Vista next year!!

3. Super Mario Accounting (Nintendo, 2001)

Mario quits his plumbing job to work for Enron.

e. LEGO SmackDown vs. RAW (WBE, 2010)

The most violent and gory LEGO game of all time! Now wrestlers get injured like never before due to each others' pointy edges!

2. Sim Telethon 2 (Moreon Games, 1999)

Play in single player campaign mode and raise enough money to finance next year's telethon. Or, there's NEW! competitive online gaming. Sell the most tote bags and Ken Burns documentaries to earn points and beat all your friends. Now in 3D!

Square root of 2. Blue Screen of Death - The Game (Microsoft, 1995)

The plot: A fatal exception 0E has occurred. Your mission: The current application will be terminated. Controls: Press any key to continue. Why (they say) you'll love it: You will lose any unsaved information in all applications. Compatible with: All Windows models. To install: Turn your computer on and wait for about 2 minutes.

1. Uncyclopedia The Video Game (Oscar Wilde, 2004)

Quite possibly the biggest piece of shit that ever came out of JFK's ass. Was then flushed, boxed, and sold to people too dumb to read reviews.

0.083333333333 (1/12) - FantaVision (Sony, 2000)

Officially the worst game in existence. Shoot fireworks, catch them, blow them up, repeat. (I'm not joking, this is a real game).

0. Super Mario Sisters (Nintenbro, 2000)

The classic game with a feminine twist.

-1. Suicide! (Dutchco, 1999)

This first-person-shooter / first-person-shootee game never gained wide acceptance due to lack of repeat customers.

-2. VideoGame — The Game (Metagames, 2005)

Play a game designer working under tight deadline to develop a top-selling video game. Battle clueless evil bosses, parasitic colleauges, unworkable code, blood-sucking company owners. After ten years of play turns into a first-person-shooter.

-3. Fuck It, Just Kill Everything (Kill Kill Kill, 1998)

Name pretty much says it all. This classic shooter is still worshipped by gamers for its take-no-prisoners attitude: you just kill and kill and kill until everything's dead and then zombies!

-pi. Industrial Revolution Tycoon (College Board, 2012) 

Play as JP Morgan, Andrew Carnegie, John Rockefeller, Bilbo Baggins or one of countless other great industrial leaders of the 19th and early 20th century. Bribe senators, trade stocks, build railroads, or molest Polish and Italian immigrant girls. This game is being considered as a viable alternative to the AP US History exam.

-4. Shoot 'Em! (Lair of Games, 2002)

The first third-person-shooter is still the best. Requires a team of three to play: one player operates the controls, the second player stands over his shoulder and shouts "Shoot him! No, THAT guy! Watch out!" while the third player sits in a chair to to side, leafs through a comic book, and occasionally interjects "Tell him to watch out for the bazooka guys." Sales were dissapointing as most video game players don't have two friends.

-5. Armageddon 2006 (Jehova and Son, 2006)

The game to end all games. Watch Pagans fight Christians, watch Jewish people fight Muslims watch Atheists fight Theists, watch Buddists fight Hindus. Watch them all mix it up because their world is about ready to end. Pick a religion, or lack of one, and then just join in on one of the many online servers. Will there be another Crusade, Inquisition, Jihad, Witch Hunt, or all out world war? This thriller was written mostly by Derek Smart, and is very buggy, but he promises patches at least by 2015 to fix the problems. Not endosed by Coca Cola in any way, shape, or form.

-6. Commencing Load Sequence (Atari, 1986)

A rather unfortunate, yet successful, attempt by developers to squeeze money out of the slower members of our species. The description on the packaging would have you believe it's a nuclear war simulation, yet nothing is ever presented but a loading screen with purple monkeys hopping around happily. There have been reports of people that are still watching it, and have done so continuously since 1989.

-7. Counter-Pike (EA 2003)

A more comical version of a certain FPS. You play online as a chosen species of fish, firing cheap food pellets to defeat the opponent. But you can't be a Whale, 'coz they're MAMMALS!

-8. Silent but Deadly Hill (Komonmi)

You start out alone in a quiet mountain town surrounded by a green fog. The town is completely empty of life and there is ligering smell in the air. search the town for clues while trying to hold your breath. Remember: Whoever smelt it, delt it.

-9. Super spoon fighter 3 (Capcorn)

battle your friends with spoons in this mmorpgqz9erlgsoohmygodwhatthehellmvg. Win money from defeating other spoons and upgrade you battle spoon from a cheap half broken piece of plastic into a nuclear powered bipedal walking super battle tank spoon of doom. up to three different battle modes including deathmatch, last spoon with some of the head still left, and deathmatch. Includes cheats to unlock sporks and foons

-10. SimCancer (Maxis, 2006 and a half)

The only game where YOU get to be a cancer cell! You can be prostate cancer, penis cancer, testicle cancer, and more! Infect innocent people! Kill useless government people!

-11. Grand Theft Handbag (Rockstar, 2033)

The new game in the series! Steal handbags! Voted worst game of 2033!

-12. Micro-Soft Flight Stimulator 2010 (Micro-Soft, 2010)

The Sims + Flight simulator. Fly planes and get blow jobs in this very special version of the Sims - Flight Simulator Edition.

-13. Virtual Jenga (MB)

Jenga, but virtual...

-14. Super Chuckle Bros. (Nintendo)

Elderly 'comedians' perform ridiculous routines for children's television, whilst jumping on turtles and collection coins.

-15. Wipeout impure. (Sony)

the largely ignored prequel.

-16. Super Hitler Brothers. (Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, WN Software, Europe)

From the makers of Holocaust Tycoon, an arcade classic and subliminal Nazi propaganda tool. Banned in over 30 countries due to its 'offensive' content, but massively popular in Germany.

-17. Colossal Slave Adventure (Long Dong Games, 1986)

Most famous textadventure in Texas in the late 80s. Your task is to "please" white women on the cotton farm with your magic "asparagus". Banned after three days from most countries.

-18. Grand Theft Auto Traffic Jam (Popstar Games)

The GTA franchise meets peak hour in this true test of patience and sanity

-19. Resident Evil - Stock Exchange

Battle evil residents as you buy and sell stocks in this exreme game of skill and hand-eye coordination!

-20. Assassination Simulator (Microsnuff, 1992)

This simulation gives you the chance to participate in more than 50 historical assassinations. Victims include Julius Caesar, Jean-Paul Marat, Abraham Lincoln Czar Alexander II, John F. Kennedy and Olof Palme.

-21. The Monarch (Albion Games)

You are Prince Charles, and your quest is to outlive Queen Elizabeth II in order to become King. This simulation takes several decades to play, involving a lot of waiting and fox hunts.

-22. City of Innocent Bystanders (Kriptyc Studios)

You are a simple citizen of Paragon City, trying to go to the store, get to work, hang out on a rooftop, or play in a park surrounded by glowing guys in robes. Your objective is to wait around until somebody calling themselves "The Bulk" or "Spydermann" shows up to save you.

-23 Mold (AE Games and Haxis)

A game were you start from a cell and all the way to a alien. Game includes eating, shitting, adding an arm, and eating again. Once you're smart, you dedicate all your money to making more games...

-24. Call of Duty

25 to Life (|-|4x0rvision):

-25. Grand Theft Auto

San Anpenis: Playground of Masterbating (Wankster Games):

-26. Halo

A game about Masterbate Chief going back in time to marry his robot mother Cortana but founds her on his helmet

-27. Kid Speedy (Videlectrix)

This obese kid can't even walk, never mind be speedy. Worse, Videlectrix has announced a sequel, tenatively titled "Kid Speedy II: This Time, He Needs a Forklift To Move!"

-28. Medal of Honor Jihad

The objective of the game is to kill random civilians, blow up random buildings, and fly an airplane into the World Trade Center for the finale. As the game progresses, a larger arsenal and harder tragets and introduced. For instance, at the beginning level requires you to kill you family with a christmas cracker, the final level straps 46 atomic bombs to your chest and you must destroy the southern hemisphere. Do it in Allah's name!

-29. Pride and Prejudice, The Game!

Play as both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy as they try to set aside their differences. Nobody has ever completed the game: most players give up due to the immense frustration of trying to find Mr. Wickham and Lydia in a life-size version of London and, although the game sports a remarkably advanced level-up system, there are no fights in which to gain experience points, meaning that Mr. Darcy is inevitably woefully underpowered for the final boss battle with Cthulhu.

-30 Your mom 

Your mom isn't even a video game. And you can do better than that. I mean, come on.

-31. Piano Man, Billy's last stand

Billy Joel ,growing to old to do much else in his life, becomes a trenchcoated super hero in Ozark, Illinios. sound track includes a contemplation album of Wall of VooDoo.

-32. Brazil, Oligarchs of the Old Republic

You are a coffee farmer in the period of 1889-1930 in Brazil.

-33. World Of Warcraft

Do we really even need a reason?

-34. Grand Theft Otto

Otto Von Bismarck and Kaiser Wilhelm become thieves.

-34.09 Thief Silent But Deadly

The name says it all..

-35. M*A*S*H - The Video Game

You are a surgeon. Your job is to perform surgery on as many war victims as you can in 11 years (although the Korean War lasted less than that). With plenty of unlockable characters like Hawkeye Pierce, Hotlips Houlihan, and Oscar Wilde.

-36. Shoot Guy

It's just another FPS with renamed weapons where you shoot guys. Wow. Not groovy.

-37. Metal Gear Hydrochloric Acidine

In this game, you have to try to die in acid in as many ways as possible. The game came with a special controller: A huge vat of acid.

-38. Friday the 13th

All the fun of getting hacked to death with a machete, with none of the actual dying!

-39. Time Pissers(formaly known as Time Splitters)

-40. Prison Bitch 3

Timmy the taxevader and his new roommate Jermaine.

-41. Uber Linux

Brings the excitment of open-source operating systems into your home! Help Ubuntu Boy and Debian Man find the Magic Red Hat in the mystical land of /dev/hdc/.

-42. Horihitzu Gurimunto! - The Land of the Triumphant Purple Cloud

An obsure Japanese video game about a cup of tea forced to find a large mushroom by his uncle, King Kinditi. The game was never released outside of Japan.

-43. Thomas the tank engine

Diesel 10 is up to his greedy ways and is planning to take over Sod. Features include: Play over 100 of your favourite characters from Thomas to percy and even... the Obese Controller, play 10 different levels and that's it. This game was only released in the US.

-44. Lego Builder

All the fun of legos without the cuts and bruises of actual plastic. Warning prolonging clicking of the mouse or use of keyboard may cause Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

-45. Lego Builder 2

The forgotten pieces.

-46. Grand Theft Auto - Toyland Stories

You have to help Noddy and Big Ears create a street gang (this game is for 18 year olds and over)

-47. World of Whorecraft

MMORPG where everyone is a prostitute.

-48. Dr Kawashima's Brain Chuffing Training (Nintardo, 2005)

Ridiculously repetitive non-game that fools even the biggest haters of games into its grasp. Inexplicably reached number 1 in the charts on seven planets, despite only being available to one.

-49. That's What She Said Deluxe Edition

Race against the clock to find the most phrases that you can say "That's what she said" to. Your mom jokes get double points!

-1,000,000plus1. Captain Planet

Possibly the coolest video game ever, summon the ultimate blue skinned, green haired super hero af all time by combining the power of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart, GO PLANET!!!! We're the planeteers, you can be one too! Cos saving our planet is the thing to do, looting and polluting is not the way, hear what captain planet has to say; THE POWER IS YOURS HOMIES!!!

-2000,000,000,000,0 Boredom-The Game (Fungi 1985)

Stare at a blank screen until your eyes bleed. Imagine the pontential.

-∞. Super Jump Action (<insert name here>)

Press the Space Bar to jump, and you win! Congratulations!

-∞^0. Halo 3 (Apple Computer, 2007): If your hands can fit around that fucking huge controller that is shaped like a damn UFO, then you are worthy of playing this game. Just hit X, and you die! YAY! (Apple Computer removed the respawn function because it was seen as "not needed")

-∞^∞^0. Daikatana, Special Collector's Gold Christmas Millenium Edition. All the fun of Daikatana with even more boring content for hours of fun. (Well not really, but you can still wish, huh?)

[edit] Dishonorable Mention

• Apricot Avenger
• Arc: the Twilight of the Spirits
• Asteroids (video game)
• Astro Empires
• Battle City
• Battle Grounds
• Neopets
• Club Penguin
• Runescape
• Britain: The Videogame
• Damp Rising
• Sonic Heroes
• Shadow The Hedgehog
• Double Back: The Video Game
• Guitar Hero 8
• Nintenrabies
• Phantasy Star Online
• Mario's Quest to Kazkhstan
• Rad Racer
• Resident Evil 3
• Scorched Earth (computer game)
• Super Mario World
• Super Mario Bros. 2
• Playboy Mansion