Worst 100 Inventions of All Time

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

100. April Fools Jokes
99. Bands
98. Cars
97. Celebrity Endorsements
96. Children's Books
95. Colours
94. Computer Games
93. Cryptic Crossword Clues
92. Direct-to-Video Movies
91. Diseases Your Ex-Wife Could Have
90. Firefox extensions
89. Food
88. Football variants
87. Inventions
86. Lists
85. Locations
84. Look alikes
83. Make Out Songs
82. Money Making Schemes
81. Movies
80. Nonexistent Words
79. Numbers
78. Nutty Conspiracy Theories
77. Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
76. Pick-up lines
75. Pokemon Cash-Ins
74. Porn Movies
73. Porn Stars
72. Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
71. Reasons to become a Christian
70. Reflections on 2005
69. Reflections on 2006
68. Reflections on 2007
67. Reflections on 2008
66. Remakes
65. Restaurants
64. Ringtones
63. Self Help Books
62. Sequels
61. Sexual Perversions
60. Short Poems
59. Sitcom Catchphrases
58. Songs
57. Songs about Seagulling
56. Songs Referencing Paedophilia
55. Songs To Have Sex To
54. Spinoffs
53. Suicide Ideas
52. Superheroes
51. Things
50. Things to do during Christmas
49. Things to Put In An IV
48. Things to say on a First Date
47. Things to Stick your Dick in
46. Toys
45. TV Programs
44. Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
43. Video Game Movies
42. Video Game Systems
41. Ways to be Circumcized
40. Ways to Deliver Bad News
39. Ways to Die (Best)
38. Ways to Die (Worst)
37. Ways to Start a Novel
36. Ways to Win an Argument
35. Wonders of the World

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“You bastards... You ungrateful bastards!”

~ Thomas Edison

According to the supreme decree of Allah, God, Kim Jong Ill and many other deities, the following are the Worst 100* Inventions of All Time. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

Bob Dole claimed that Bob Dole invented every invention on this page.

See also: Greatest Inventions.

* Allah cares not about counting this list too closely, and all ye who believe are wise not to criticize His divine numeration policy.

999999999999999999999999999999999999999. The DVD Rewinder: Does this even NEED explaining?

C40C01A2E. Teapot: Cripes - the choccy teapot! Jeez, why wasn't this number 1? Oh yeah - mostly yankees here, probably never heard of a teapot, let alone a chocolate one. God bless the Queen!

1,024. Bed making: Seriously. You're gonna sleep in it soon, anyway!

380. Cruggs: Half croc half ugg. Unfortunately these actually exist.

379. Inflatable anchor: Isn't it annoying how heavy the regular ones are?

378. Hand powered chainsaw: At least you get the exercise.

377. Breathable space suit: Cools you down when studying solar flares or something.

376. Braille driver's manual: "What's this about 'watching' for pedestrians?"

375. Solar powered pacemaker: A debatable question; what's more important, the environment or human lives?

374. Reversible garbage disposal: "Drat, dropped my wedding ring. Good thing I got this new switch installed..."

373. Mesh raincoat: More breathable than Goretex!

372. Glow in the dark sundail: Only available for those with an IQ lower than their shoe size.

371. Inflatable dartboard: "Whee fun! Ohh wait..."

370.Magic School Bus: The non-airborne ones work just fine. But of course the liberal Congress chooses to subsidize flying schoolbuses as opposed to more obvious choices like universal health care or another war.

369.Roasted almond jelly rump cake flavored incense for your ears

368. Nuclear Powered Crossbow: Um...

367. The Electric Sponge: Positively Shocking!

365. EL KING: He's green, he's a semi, he's a maniac...and he's coming to crush your car. WASTED!

364 Dauther in law

363 Mather in law

362. YOU!

361. The Penny: Of course, a monetary unit that costs more to produce then it's actually worth!

360. The Xbox 360: you owe us 359 consoles Microsoft, pay up!

359. Encyclopedia Dramatica: Enough drama. Get a llama.

358. Uncyclopedia: HATE HATE HAT!

357. Sega Dreamcast.: Big fat flop.

170. AAAAAAAAA!: AAA AAAA AA AAAA AAAA AAAAAAA AAAAA AA AAAA AAAAAAAA! AAAA AAAA AAAAA!

169. BBBBBBBBB!: BBB BBBB BB BBBB BBBB BBBBBBB BBBBB BB BBBB BBBBBBBB! BBBB BBBB BBBBB!

168. CCCCCCCCC!: CCC CCCC CC CCCC CCCC CCCCCCC CCCCC CC CCCC CCCCCCCC! CCCC CCCC CCCCC!

167. DDDDDDDDD!: DDD DDDD DD DDDD DDDD DDDDDDD DDDDD DD DDDD DDDDDDDD! DDDD DDDD DDDDD!

166. EEEEEEEEE!: EEE EEEE EE EEEE EEEE EEEEEEE EEEEE EE EEEE EEEEEEEE! EEEE EEEE EEEEE!

165. FFFFFFFFF!: FFF FFFF FF FFFF FFFF FFFFFFF FFFFF FF FFFF FFFFFFFF! FFFF FFFF FFFFF!

164. GGGGGGGGG!: GGG GGGG GG GGGG GGGG GGGGGGG GGGGG GG GGGG GGGGGGGG! GGGG GGGG GGGGG!

165. HHHHHHHHH!: HHH HHHH HH HHHH HHHH etc.

164. The term "et cetera": It shows you are lazy, not wanting to do work, wanting to get over with it quick, etc.

123. The Waterproof Teabag

122. Windows Vista

As far as I know, Vista stands for Viruses, Infections, Spyware, Trojans, and Adware.

121. 26 LETTERS IN THE ALPHABET!!

TOOMANYLETTERSTOKEEPTHISUPHEADGOASPLODEY!!!!!

120. The joke above this one.: 'tain't as funny as vandalism.

119. Random Number Generator: Why so many numbers? Uh-oh, Eleventy Billion is coming after me.

118. Random monster generator: Why so many monsters? Uh-oh, a Wyrmen is coming after me.

117. krhtjxhrgtjkxtrj: hgjhzyfjhyjyzeytvkjyztrvkjytzvkejytvruzytevryjtzuyrhy5465754i76^%7 6565y yTuyt4i75t...what kind of nonsense is this?

116. People who speak 1337: 17 IVI4I<35 $+u|=f 1mp05$1|3l3 2 1234|)!!11!one!!

115. Gypsum golf ball: If you hit it, it breaks...

114. Glass Hammer: *hits nail* *hammer explodes*

113. Skipping numbers.: Why does it happen sometimes?

111. Double-sided playing cards.: I wonder what my opponent has...

110. Opaque Windows.: For those that don't like the view outside.

109. Caesium Water Bottle.: For those that like corrosive alkali metals exploding.

108. Transparent Curtains.: For putting on your opaque windows.

107. MMORPGs: Sugarcakes69 is a 74 year-old fat-ass child molestor, NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

106. The Great Wall of China: Why is it still around? Hey China! Just tear it down! Then you could use the extra land to build houses for your 1.3 billion people, many of which are homeless!

105. Tom Cruise: What was God thinking?!?

104. A B.A. in English: Come on, what are you going to do with it?

103. Fireproof Matches: For those safety-conscious fire-starters.

102. Waterproof Sponges: Tired of sopping, dirty, wet sponges after cleaning?

101. Pedal-powered wheelchairs: The disabled need exercise too.

100. At Home Incontinence Test: Just place it down the back of your pants and wait 4 hours. If it turns brown...

99. Nasal Hair Curling Iron: When you want to look your best. Ouch! Feh!!!

98. Spandex: It looks great... on the right people... so why do only fat people wear it?

97. "Worst 100 List" Lists: For the love of Jebus, why?

96. The Spanish Inquisition: Nobody expected them, they may as well have stayed home.

95. Inventions: Even fire was a dodgy proposal.

94. Solar Powered Flashlights: Unfortunately, it was only useful for peeking into dark holes while the sun was shining on the flashlight.

93. Derek Acorah

92. The wolf/vorarephile quote: “Outside a wolf, this quote the most terrifying thing. Inside a wolf, it's nice and soft.”; ~ A vorarephile on This Quote

Sucks, doesn't it?

91. This very list

90. Spoon: For those of you who haven't seen one, its just a fork with no holes between the fingers. Nothing new or Nobel Prize worthy. There is no spoon.

89. Sound-activated Alarms: Once they go, they just keep on going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and...

88. Helicopter Ejection Seats: Chalk one up for the Belgians

87. Deep Sea Sushi Bars: How redundant can you get?

86.5 . Language: Responsible for more bloody wars than anything else. He just kept talking in one incredibly long unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so nobody could interrupt him it was really quite hypnotic.

86. This page: Why do they have to say "You Are Dead" in every direction?

85. Submarine Screen Door: At least it keeps the fish out.

84. PEOPLE: How stupid can they be?

83. Portable Rucksacks: Rriighhhhttt, how more obvious can you get?

82. Brain Wash: When normal shampoo just doesn't cut it.

81. You: I hate to break this to you, but, you were unplanned. I mean, your father and I love you, but.... And you appeared twice on this list!

80. PETA: We have teeth designed to rip meat, which clearly means that animals are here for us to eat. End of Story.

79. Books on How To Read: You learn from books by reading them. However, if you can't read, you can't learn from books, so you can't learn to read by reading a book that tells how to read. Does this make any sense to you?

78. The Internets: Did I say the internets? I meant Bill Gates. What a waste of machinery... I mean life.

77. Wikipedia: What an awful collection of utterly useless information. Someone needs to be held responsible for that monstrosity.

76. The Upside-down Upside-down Cake: It's a freakin' cake you idiots.

75. Software that emulates an uncyclopedia contributor that has no idea of the title of the article he is editing.: Yeah! This software is the BEST man!

74. Black highlighter: Yes, it marks your text nicely, but you can't read what you marked!

73. Phil Collins: Enough said.

72. Myspace: A bunch of 15 year olds stealing pictures from Google and pretending it's themselves. Newsflash: Nobody believes you have a 9 inch penis.

71. Handicapped Accessable Web Sites: Why not add a wheelchair ramp, or a WAV file that says "Too bad you can't see this" ?

70. Spring Loaded Automatic Hamburger Flippers: Number one cause of house fires and burnt infants in America

69. The 69 Position: Who really wants a nose full of ass?

68. Boomerang Grenade: It seemed like a good idea at the time...

67. Fashion: "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."~ Oscar Wilde on Fashion

66. Hair: Dead skin cells glamorized in an otherwise zombie-hateful world

65. The Irish: Too much drinkin', not enough thinkin'!

64. The Hitler Moustache: The most sexually unappealing thing ever, yet it's immensely popular.

63. Motorcycle air conditioners.: Only effective while parked in garages.; On second thought, that doesn't even work...

62. Impact-activated parachute: Not so good in retrospect

61. Seatless chairlifts: Preservers of snowfields

60. Dandruff-fortified shampoo: Also available in strawberry flavour

59. The Wheel: The Egyptians got rid of it, but then someone re-invented the damn thing.

58. Emo Grass: Emo grass was invented in Occupied Romania in 1942, by nazi-controlled scientists. It was an attempt to produce genetically depressed grass that would cut itself, thereby leaving more man-hours for combat and general fascism. However, it was so ugly and black, that few people would want to plant it. It also had a nasty habit of curling up in sunlight.

57. Time Space Continum: Because who would really want to bask in a gigantic, mass shredding, black hole.

56. Humor: Thirteen years later and humor has yet to be funny.

55. Man: They just keep dyin'

54. Soap Operas: Not once have they had anything to do with soap or the opera.

53. The Number 57: Ten bucks said you clicked on "Edit" before reading this.

52. Keith Richard's Coffin: It's never gonna be used.

53. The Vegetarian Steakhouse: It's finger-lickin' good if you just give it a finger-lickin' chance!

52. America.: What's the point?

51. Student Government: Why act like students have power when they really don't?

50. Automobile: Overwhelmingly responsible for the majority of accidental deaths in the United States.

49. Air: It's polluted and bad for your health.

48. The inflatable dartboard: Good for only one game, if that game only has one player....... and one dart.

47. Encyclopædia Dramatica: Even worse than Wikipedia!

46. Books: Need I say more?

45. Beginnner Guides: If I cannot screw myself over for not seeing it, then your a terrorist

44.444444444... Repeating Numbers: Like someone took a big sloppy one and thought of doing this!

44. Dihydrogen Monoxide: Why do so many people like to drink this?

43. The Word 'dude': Dude, it's like overused, radical G yo!!!

42. Death: Look at comics, when I kick the bucket I'm just gonna turn back time and sacrifice goats like Superman

41. Dead People: Talk about dull....

40. Heart surgery.... for Dick Cheney.

39. Jack Thompson: Because we really need more Americans who pull kids off buses and makes them protest violent games they probably enjoy thoroughly.

38. Fat People: For God's sake man! How much bloody space do they need? They are just wasting valuable air and food! I say weightwatchers becomes compulsory throughout the country! Death to the clinically obese heathens!

37. Jackie Chan: Say no more.... Worst Action Actor in History

36. Daniel Rotollo: Yep.... a freak of nature...

81. People who can't count.: They are a threat to the society and need to be exterminated.

35. Prison: Whoever thought of putting hundreds of dangerous criminals in the same place sure had the right idea.

34. People's sayings: "It's always in the last place you look" - Of course it fucking is, if you've already found it why would you keep looking for it?

33. Glass bottom boats: "Hey guys, how about we go out and sit in a boat that has a thin pane of glass built in the bottom so we can get a better look at bull and hammerhead sharks in their natural environment?- Note the names of the sharks.

32. Digital Versatile Disk: It just goes round and round and round...Totally pointless.

31. people who don't use capital letters when editing uncyclopedia articles.

30. People Who Know They Should Change The last Few Lines In Uncyclopedia Articles To Actually Be Funny But Really Can't Be Bothered.

29. The Number 29

Number 28 and 30 just wasn't good enough for you, huh? You just had to squeeze yourself in there, didn't you? You make me sick!

28. Worst 100 lists that only go to 28 and no. 30.: What can i say about 30. Really.

27. The Japanese: Don't blame god, anyone can make such a mistake.

26. Dehydrated Water in a Bottle: Preparation and usage: simply add water and drink.

Hey No. 53.... you owe me ten bucks. I'll sue... just you wait

25. Benny Hinn. That guy is not firing on all of his pistons...

24. Kids TV: I mean come on people, some kids aren't braindead zombies who will watch just about anything that has fart jokes in it.

23.9 4Kids TV: Thanks for ruining everything

23. Firestone Tires... Nuff said.

22. Polar Star: The spur is infinitesimally better.

21. Barney the Dinosaur: This is exactly why you have mini-jihads sprouting up in your neighbourhood.

20. Waiting in Line: Hey No... 24! The end of the queue is back behind the dinosaur and the tires.

24. Cutting in Line: *snickers*

.20 Bottled Water

    Exscuse', didn't God make water free???

19.5. The Name "Wii": When Nintendo couldn't think of what to call there new console someone said "Just go with the flow".

19. High Heels: Lots of money for very little material whose sole (sorry) purpose is to inflict grevious wounds to the wearer, in turn inflicting grevious whining to the partner.

18. Horses: Automobiles are much faster and do not poop in the street. Well, except for the Lada...

17. The Wheel

Did you know that automobile fatalities have more than quintoopled since it's invention?

16. Automatic Pelican Waxer

15.999. Oxygen: It's one of the most toxic and corrosive elements ever.

15. Reuseable nuclear bomb.: This will detonate the nuclear bomb saving the shell which flies away and must be picked up. After that the user has to do is to put another load of explosive material in it to detonate it again.

Leading engineers refute old age wisdom: It's not easy falling off a ladder.

14. The Ladder: The butt of all light bulb jokes

13. The Number 13: What's the point of this number, really? Strictly speaking, it doesn't even exist. Ever seen a thirteenth floor? Q.E.D.

12. Suede raincoats: Self-explanatory, I trust.

11. The universe.: Most of it's just empty space. In 100 billion years or less it'll expire from heat death. So what's the point?

10. Cell phones.: "HI! I'M IN A BUSY RESTAURANT! I'M YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST FINE! NOW I'M ON A BUS! NOW THE DRIVER JUST CRASHED AND IS BLAMING ME FOR DISTRACTING HIM! JEEZ, SOME PEOPLE ARE SO INCONSIDERATE!"

9. Oscar Wilde: *GASPS*

8. The Saying "O No You Didn't": You saw me do it! Are you blind! By the way O No you didn't to No. 9

7. Lucky Number 7: What made it so special?

6. The "...": Finish the freakin thought!

5. People who think they can dance: Discos dead and you will be to if you keep that up.

4. Automatic cat exerciser: Your cats not a ghost and God made cats to lazy fat bastards.

3. BBC 'Points of View': What is it about these people that makes them believe I care what they think?

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510... Pi: what made it so special! circles are for squares anyway.

57. Skipping ahead in line: Ten bucks said only Nobody uses this.

2.71828182845904523536... e: What's so special about this arbitrarily random number?

2. Oprah: just urghhhhhh *vomits*

1.6 Pamela Anderson/Lee/Rock/Slutwhore: If man wanted to have sex with a plastic barbie doll, he could easily buy one at www.lovedolls.com.

1. Vandalism to Uncyclopedia: just urghhhhhh *vomits*

0.99. A bit less than 1: because you really wanted that single useless coin

1/2. Half numbers: why would you want half of anything??

0.5. Decimals: what, Fractions aren't good enough for you?

0.4. That fat kid who eats all the leftover french fries at Mcdonalds

0. The Number "Bleen": four, five, six, bleen, seven, eight...what the hell?

Nan. George Herbert Walker Bush: Also known as "huge beserk rebel warthog" or "President Dumbass" by countries all over the world (including the USA). (Anagram)