Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

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See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

[edit] 100-91

100. "Fish Heads" - Barnes & Barnes

99. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death

98. "Brimful of Asher" - Cornershop

97. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles

96. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park (I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out) with "it" being a condom

95. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA

94. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.

93. "Raining Blood" - Slayer

92. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash

91. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

[edit] 90-81

90. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners

89. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons

88. "Jurassic Park Theme" - John Williams

87. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts

86. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash

85. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes

84. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster

83. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats

82. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen

81. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith

[edit] 80-71

80. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace

79. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen

78. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin

77. "Zombie" - The Cranberries

76. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash

75. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles

74. "I Will Fuck Your Cunt" - Tiny Shit

73. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"

72. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry

71. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls

[edit] 70-61

70. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy

69. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65

68. "Breed" - Nirvana

67. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan

67. "Too Drunk To Fuck" - Dead Kennedys

66. "Sons Of Northern Darkness" - Immortal

65. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn

64. "Who Are You" - The Who

63. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

62. "Music For 18 Musicians" - Steve Reich

61. "4'33"" - John Cage

[edit] 60-51

60. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton

59. "Theme From The Bodyguard" - Whitney Houston

58. "He's A Radical Rat" - Samuel Asher-Weiss

57. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon

(especially on prom night)

56. "The Mission Theme (Theme for NBC News)" - John Williams

55. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk

54. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen

53. "Pain" - Three Days Grace

52. "Ghostbusters" - Ray Parker Jr.

51. "Only The Young" - Journey

[edit] 50-41

50. "Strange Brew" - Cream

49. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr

48. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions

47. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

46. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner

45. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section

44. "Pokemon Theme"

43. "Juggalo Homies" - Insane Clown Posse

42. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse

41. "Through the Fire and Flames" - DragonForce

[edit] 20-11

20. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police

19. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka

18. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell

17. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys

16. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel

(especially if it's February)

15. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd

14. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles

13. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood

12. "Satisfaction" - The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.

11. "Cigaro" - System of a Down

[edit] 10-1

10 "Like a Virgin" - Madonna

9. "Stop" - Pink Floyd

8. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

7. "Loser" - Beck

6. "Fucking Hostile" - Pantera

5. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter

4. "Rape Me" - Nirvana

3. "Violence Fettish" - Disturbed

2. "The Woman In Me" - Heart

1. "My Wife - The Who"

0. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem

[edit] Honorable mention

• "Let's Get it On" - Marvin Gaye (face it, it's a cliché at this point)
• "Old Man" - Neil Young
• "Touch Me" - The Doors
• "Break on Through (To the Other Side)" - The Doors
• "Bohemian Polka" - Weird Al Yankovic
• "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
• "Thriller" - Michael Jackson
• "Dirty Diana" - Michael Jackson
• "Jaws Theme" - John Williams
• "Far From Turtles" - George Benson
• "Mars" - Gustav Holst
• "How Can You Do It Alone" - The Who
• "The Chicken Song" - Spitting Image
• "Ride of the Valkyries" - Richard Wagner
• "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties
• "Fantasy" - Sparrowhawk
• "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" - The Rolling Stones
• "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next" - Manic Street Preachers
• "In the Grip of a Tyrefitter's Hand" - Budgie
• "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer
• "Virus alert" - Weird Al Yankovic
• "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd
• "Too Drunk to Fuck" - Dead Kennedys
• "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
• "Taste My..." - Chimaira
• "House Of 1000 Corpses" - White Zombie
• "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
• "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
• "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D