Worst 100 Suicide Ideas of All Time
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The All-Time 100 Worst:
- 100. April Fools Jokes
- 99. Bands
- 98. Cars
- 97. Celebrity Endorsements
- 96. Children's Books
- 95. Colours
- 94. Computer Games
- 93. Cryptic Crossword Clues
- 92. Direct-to-Video Movies
- 91. Diseases Your Ex-Wife Could Have
- 90. Firefox extensions
- 89. Food
- 88. Football variants
- 87. Inventions
- 86. Lists
- 85. Locations
- 84. Look alikes
- 83. Make Out Songs
- 82. Money Making Schemes
- 81. Movies
- 80. Nonexistent Words
- 79. Numbers
- 78. Nutty Conspiracy Theories
- 77. Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
- 76. Pick-up lines
- 75. Pokemon Cash-Ins
- 74. Porn Movies
- 73. Porn Stars
- 72. Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
- 71. Reasons to become a Christian
- 70. Reflections on 2005
- 69. Reflections on 2006
- 68. Reflections on 2007
- 67. Reflections on 2008
- 66. Remakes
- 65. Restaurants
- 64. Ringtones
- 63. Self Help Books
- 62. Sequels
- 61. Sexual Perversions
- 60. Short Poems
- 59. Sitcom Catchphrases
- 58. Songs
- 57. Songs about Seagulling
- 56. Songs Referencing Paedophilia
- 55. Songs To Have Sex To
- 54. Spinoffs
- 53. Suicide Ideas
- 52. Superheroes
- 51. Things
- 50. Things to do during Christmas
- 49. Things to Put In An IV
- 48. Things to say on a First Date
- 47. Things to Stick your Dick in
- 46. Toys
- 45. TV Programs
- 44. Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
- 43. Video Game Movies
- 42. Video Game Systems
- 41. Ways to be Circumcized
- 40. Ways to Deliver Bad News
- 39. Ways to Die (Best)
- 38. Ways to Die (Worst)
- 37. Ways to Start a Novel
- 36. Ways to Win an Argument
- 35. Wonders of the World
According to God's true word, finish this list and you're in hell.
| Contents: 100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1 |
[edit] 101-91
101. RICKROLL yourself
100. Ask Oprah to sit on you.
99. Edit Uncyclopedia and throw a sword in yourself.
98. Eat massive acid.
97. Talk to Michael Jackson.
96. Look at Michael Jackson from a close distance.
95. Look at Michael Jackson from a far distance.
94. Eat yourself.
93. Smash your wet TV set while holding onto it.
92. Watch Britney Spears videos
91. Listen to Britney Spears' music
[edit] 90-81
90. Say "Britney Spears"
89. Eat The Moon (WARNING: MAY ALREADY HAVE BEEN EATEN)
88. Jump onto Oscar Wilde from 60 stories high
87. Jump onto a sword from 60 stories high (nearly the same as the previous option)
86. Jump out of a random window in Arfenhouse. It will not kill you, but the seizure you get for the retardation after you jump out will... kill you.
85. EncyclopÆdia Dramatica
84. Hack into the Omnitrix and eat it's batteries. Your brain im plode.
83. Eat at Joe's
82. Eat Joe
81. Staple your eyes into the wall and ask your mom to come and have an intimate situation with them
[edit] 80-71
80. Grab a saw, some nails, a hammer and nut, and improvise.
79. Kill yourself by using anything on this list.
78. Implode with natural gas
77. Unform
76. Unescoform
75. Crap yourself and eat yourself with the crap.
74. Rip your mom's face off and eat it. It will be the face that kills you. Or your mom, if you're unlucky.
73. uffin man.
72. Smash your head with a DYK
71. Smash your head with a CAB
[edit] 70-61
70. Smash your toilet with your head. You will be killed by the jealous emo washing machine
69. Eat and have secks
68. Don't do anything. Not even breathe. You will be killed by the centrifuge.
67. Suck. Alot.
66. Skip your life.
65. Go to Gert5's page and ignore the New Zork warning. Then he will hide your life.
64. Ignore article whores. You will be killed by your consciense and the Kool-Aid Man.
63. Hide your own life for god's sake!
62. Eat your computer. NOW!
61. Close this window. You will be killed by the impulse electricity you get once you click the red box thingie.
[edit] 60-51
60. Be jamie skinner. You will be killed by the shocking thought.
59. Stick glue onto your mind. You will be killed by the writer's block
58. Have your teeth broken by George Bush's idiocy. You will be killed by the gheyness.
57. Drink water while in space. You will be killed by everyone's pity
56. Mountain Dew. You will be killed by the radioactivity.
55. 
54. 1337
53. 1336
52. Interrupt a Microsoft meeting including Steve Ballmer.
51. Gorilla Glue your asshole and mouth shut.
[edit] 50-41
50. Download and run "explodingvirus.exe"
49. Ignore a ad. You will be killed by a n00b. Then later killed by a hammer.
48. Don't not go into a house and don't go not into the house but not into a basement with not one but not two chickens with SlipKnot.
47. Jump into the sun. You will be killed by the sun pixies taking a bath.
46. Jump into a random hole. Random is creepy and therefore good.
45. Recite the Alphebet backwards. the intensity will make your head Asplode
44. Visit a Grue
43. Be near a Grue
42. Put on granny's underwear, run into a biker bar and dance the Macarena
41. Gentlemen, pull down your pants and underpants in the back. And run through a busy San Francisco street.
[edit] 40-1
40. Buy a blind person a steamroller. Then lay down in their driveway.
39. listen to Good Charlotte.
38 1/2. hanging yourself by your penis. then having the crime investigators laugh at the size of it.
38. Trying to shit out of your mouth until you die.
37. Cut a chunk out of yourself, so your heart is exposed, and attempt to pop your heart with a pin.
36. Trying to suck your face off with a vacuum cleaner or Oprah's fat ass!
35. Jump into a Clockatoe.
34. fill pool with acid, then swim in it
33. Drink mercury
32. Buy toys from China
31. perform surgery on yourself
30. Remove your own internal organs
29. Listening to James Blunt until your brain explodes
28. Choking on a poisoned hand grenade
27. Sticking out of control in
26. Breathing air in Beijing
25. Making too many lists on uncyclopedia, like this Worst cars
24. spray mace on your balls
23. Become close friends with Simran
22. Play Jordan on expert until your fingers open up and you die from copatious blood loss.
21. Get in a fight with a nerd.
(seriously those guys are killer when it comes to dungeons and dragons)
20. ASPLODE!!!! O_O
19. Eat a big mac. OMFG!!
18. Chewing on a grenade, then realising it's the wrong flavour. (YES I USE BRITISH SPELLINGS!!!)
17. Before you were alive and were choosing which body to inhabit, when the screen came up with the list of humans to inhabit, you clicked on yours, but then clicked "Delete" instead of "Continue".
16 Take Anne Coulter to see Fahrenheit 9/11.
15. over1337
14. go up to Mr T and Say "hey its a Mr T Impersonator"
15. Listen to Backstreet boys OMFG NO!
14. Be chased by a rabid waffle
13. Visit Iowa--NO DAMN GOD PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
12. Stick tongue in light socket and fall asleep
11. Die in massive Cuban watching accident. THEM DAMN TIRES THEY FLOAT ON!!
10. Move to New Jersey
9. Purchase a computer,and attempt to shove it up your ass.
8. Watch Chris Crocker videos..LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
7. Go to church and repeatedly say, "Hail Satan". If the Christians don't kill you, then try anything on the list and you will recieve eternal damnination in hell.
6. Talk with your mom
5. Be self-referential
4. Challenge Nikki Sixx and his Motley Crue to a Gangsta Dance competition.
3. Listen to a George Bush State of the Union Adress backwards.
2. Approach George Bush and tell him that you are Bin Laden. He will believe you and proceed to get his army to kick your ass.
1. Sit down in a comfortable position, and begin lightly scratching the end of one limb with your fingernail. Just enough to scratch a tiny bit. After about five decades you will have worn away your limbs, except for one arm. Then begin between your eyes, and over the next year or so lightly scratch your way into your own head. Feel free to eat/sleep and otherwise live your life as normal while doing this.
0, AKA The ultimate Threaten Chuck Norris.
