Worst 100 Things of All Time

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The All-Time 100 Worst:

100. April Fools Jokes
99. Bands
98. Cars
97. Celebrity Endorsements
96. Children's Books
95. Colours
94. Computer Games
93. Cryptic Crossword Clues
92. Direct-to-Video Movies
91. Diseases Your Ex-Wife Could Have
90. Firefox extensions
89. Food
88. Football variants
87. Inventions
86. Lists
85. Locations
84. Look alikes
83. Make Out Songs
82. Money Making Schemes
81. Movies
80. Nonexistent Words
79. Numbers
78. Nutty Conspiracy Theories
77. Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
76. Pick-up lines
75. Pokemon Cash-Ins
74. Porn Movies
73. Porn Stars
72. Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
71. Reasons to become a Christian
70. Reflections on 2005
69. Reflections on 2006
68. Reflections on 2007
67. Reflections on 2008
66. Remakes
65. Restaurants
64. Ringtones
63. Self Help Books
62. Sequels
61. Sexual Perversions
60. Short Poems
59. Sitcom Catchphrases
58. Songs
57. Songs about Seagulling
56. Songs Referencing Paedophilia
55. Songs To Have Sex To
54. Spinoffs
53. Suicide Ideas
52. Superheroes
51. Things
50. Things to do during Christmas
49. Things to Put In An IV
48. Things to say on a First Date
47. Things to Stick your Dick in
46. Toys
45. TV Programs
44. Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
43. Video Game Movies
42. Video Game Systems
41. Ways to be Circumcized
40. Ways to Deliver Bad News
39. Ways to Die (Best)
38. Ways to Die (Worst)
37. Ways to Start a Novel
36. Ways to Win an Argument
35. Wonders of the World

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[edit] 10-1: The Seventh Anus of Hell

10. The Pube Grab: You attempt to reach down and pull your underwear up, but instead accidentally grab your pubes and tear all of them off.
9. Pay Toilet Follies: When you are in a pay-toilet and you're wiping after taking a colossal shit, someone opens the door. They see your shit-caked anus and the twelve-inch chocolate hotdog hanging from it. Immediately you slam the door and commit hara-kiri with a dildo.
8. Babysitting: This one time, I had to babysit a four-year-old kid who had epilepsy. I also had to go to a Pantera concert that night, so I took him to it to save time. Turns out that Dimebag got shot onstage and the kid got mentally scarred for life after Dimebag's medulla sloshed against his forehead. Last time I heard, he was a heroin addict living in a shack up in the Rocky Mountains. Psh. Kids these days.
7. 1980s Movie-themed S&M Roleplay: For some reason, hearing a girl in leather scream, "No more wire hangers, EVER!" just isn't sexy.
6. Death by Novoselic: When Krist Novoselic (who doesn't exist, by the way) comes up to you and sticks a candy cane in your nostril and lectures you until you bleed out of your ears and die. This causes more deaths every year than AIDS, cancer, and death combined.
5. Getting nuked: So there I was, just walking to school one day in Hiroshima, when all of the sudden I get nuked! Plus I was having my period, and the shadow of my menstrual blood got burned into the wall. Now whenever tourists go visit the remains of my town, they see my period blood and laugh until they explode. Not cool. I'm going to go rant about this on my MySpace. =(.
4. Having sex with Napoleon Dynamite: It's not worth it. Seriously.
3. Trisexuality: It's a ~~lifestyle choice~~ A COOL NEW TOY FROM MCDONALD'S!!!]
2. Euroipods: I had to suck so much cock. They didn't even work. All it did was rape my face and my dog and it told me "Go eat shit, fucker", which hurt my feelings. =(. So I told my preschool teacher and she gave my Euroipod a time out. =).
1. Utilitarianism: FUCK YOU BENTHAM FOR ALL THE SUFFERING WROUGHT FOR THE SAKE OF CODDLING THE MEDIOCRE SWINE AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR BETTERS