Worst 100 Video Game Movies

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“In Soviet Russia, Video Games play YOU!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Video Game Movies

“Video Game Movies are like games, except they're not interactive.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Video Game Movies

“YOU try to put 60 hours of gameplay to 2 hours of movie.”

~ Various Creators on Video Game Movies

[edit] The List

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100 Video Game Movies. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.

[edit] 100-91

100. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie. A puerile ripoff of a spinoff. (Actually being done! god save us all! [1].)

99. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha. An expansion to a puerile ripoff of a spinoff.

98. Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo. An expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.

97. Super Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo. An expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.

96. Super Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo, 2. A sequel to an expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.

95. Microsoft Flight Simulator Its realistic, but very, very, VERY, boring.

94. Duke Nukem Forever, the Movie(Paramount. 9999999999AD) Most people forgot by the time of release who Duke Nukem was.

93. Microsoft Paint. The Movie (MGM. 2011) Childish spalttering of random colours (or colors) on the screen. Caused mass epidemic of nausia.

92. Super Duper Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo, 2 An expansion to a sequel to an expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.

91. Hyper Super Duper Street Fighter the Movie, The Game, The Movie, Alpha, Turbo, 2 Another bloody expansion to an expansion to a sequel to an expansion of an expansion of an expansion of a ripoff of a spinoff.

[edit] 90-81

90. The Manic Miner Movie A breathtaking adaptation of everyone's favourite ZX Spectrum game, directed by Uwe Boll and starring Andy Dick as Miner Willy. And hold your breath for the exciting twist at the end, as well as...R:/TAPE LOADING ERROR/.

89. Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Finally! no more extra expansions, O.K.?

88. Super Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Uh-Oh...

87. Super Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Turbo No, please not again!

86. Hyper Super Duper Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, The Movie 3 Turbo, Alpha, Omega, Delta, BITCHEZ!!! NO! OH PLEASE GOD NO!

85. Solitaire the Movie Girls dig people who actually liked a movie about flat, sentient objects having sex by being stacked by an omnipotent pointy-thingy.

84. Ratchet and Clank: the Movie that Bombs! Although pretty cool with CGI doomsday guns and annihilating lasers, the amount of people who hated furry wasn't like the good old days...

83. Kingdom Hearts II: The First Movie How do sane, professional reviewers could actually watch this movie when on its first 3 hours, tickets worldwide were all bought by not-quite-so-sane fans? That, and some people just flat-out refuse to accept that Mickey, Donald, and Goofy could look cool.

82. World of Warcraft Just like World of Warcraft is played by millions of players, World of Warcraft is wrote by millions of scriptwriters.

81. Pong 3D Version You thought "Manos" Hands of Fate was boring? Try Red Zone Cuba. If you thought those two movies were boring, watch this.

[edit] 80-71

80. Ragnarok Online If you're wondering why this one is placed lower than World of Warcraft, you just have to know the meaning of chibi.

79. MUGEN Goku fights Uchiha Sasuke who was actually trying to ask Superman to help him kill Haruhi. Homer Simpson, thinking that Peter was a better fighter, seek Ryu for guidance. Peter, knowing that with the help of Ryu, Homer could be a much better fighter, hires Sephiroth to kill him. If you're still wondering what's wrong with this, you've definitely never heard of copyright. Also, Omega Tom Hanks pwns everyone in the end anyway.

78. Panzer Tactics, the Movie

The fact that one army moved, then stopped. Then the other army moved, then stopped. Made this film very dull, not to mention both armies consisted of huge men and tanks which towered over cities and forest and took up space of 100km2 didn't help.

77. Command and Conquer

Just think of all the FMVs in the game, put them together, and add 100 minutes more and you will see why this movie failed.

76. Command and Conquer: Generals

The fact that this movie didn't even have any live action meant that it was filmed in CGI, and we all know that serious CGI films just SUCK.

75. Counter Strike, The Movie

The script was written by t00 many n00bs so all the soldiers just sat about camping while hurling abuse at each other while pwning everyone with guns, not to mention that all the characters spoke in 133t so no one except nerds could understand them

74. Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Intricate Politics Beneath Bloody Wars Further Complicated by Many Back Stories of Equally Many Characters This no-battle-scenes-all-talking movie asks its viewers one thing: "You thought History lessons were boring?"

73. Milk My Maid What do you mean this is an obscure movie about an obscure Japanese game about one obscure male protagonist and three obscure maids?

72. Dynasty Warrior

God says on his Twentieth Commandment: "Humans doth not die that easily."

Sun Tzu said on his Art of War: "If one people could kill hundreds and thousands, why do you need an army in the first place?"

71. Who Wants to Be a Billionaire Let's wait for a moment in life when our knowledge about the third painting made by a painter named Joun von Zraim in 1777 will be useful.

[edit] 70-61

70. Mischief Makers: Shake Your Boo-tay! The first movie ever to be described as "a wretched cinematic abortion." The movement was terrible and the only line in the entire movie was "SHAKE SHAKE!", repeated over and over again.

69. Dendam Raja Pocong You thought Milk My Maid was way too obscure? Try Petualang Naga. If you don't think that Milk My Maid was way too obscure, then watch this.

68. Kingdom Hearts II: Second Coming References to Christians aside, reviewers just don't get what the sequel is about due to the sheer amount of not-quite-so-sane fangirls.

67. Worms: Real Life Teachers had spent thousands of hours trying to make researches about worms interesting. This movie blows it all away.

66. DoDonPachi: The Movie While the movie started out promising, interest began to dwindle after it broke out that the main character is killed in the first 15 minutes.

Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie broke all box office records, and a few sane minds.

65. Sonic The Hedgehog Movie Look, if Mario could get turned into a POS when given a movie about him then think about how bad a Sonic movie would be, and we mean the new Sonic.

64. Klonoa The entire movie was in an incomprehensible language, the storyline was absolutely insane, and public interest in the movie was attrociously low due to the more popular, yet not as good, Sonic the Hedgehog movie.

63. Another World (12A, 2999 AD) The beginning of the movie made zinc. sense, and everyone crapped themselfs. caused major peter griffin syndrome.

62. Zero Wing (A.D. 2101) All your box office are belong to us!

61. Zork, the movie (WB. 2000) You are sitting in a darkened room, in your hand you are holding a bottle of cocacola, the air smells of salty popcorn and sweat. Around you there are many other people sitting on leather seats in rows. In frot of you a black screen is being revealed from behind red curtains, then a black screen with white text begins to appear. You watch this for ten minutes, and it is apparent that this will be the entire movie...

Do you...

1.Walk out of the Cinema in outrage throwing your cola into the screen?

2.Sit through this shit and die of boredom?

[edit] 60-51

60. Virtual Boy - in 3D! (1995)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! IT BURNS MY FUCKING EYES!!!!!!!!!

59. Hotel Mario (1996)

It is interesting to note that cinemas showing this film would give out free 'encolsed intruction books'. These were required because the crapply animated inbred Itailian Stalin lookalike would tell the audience to 'check out the encosed instruction book' which would advance the plot. For DVD and VHS release a 'enclosed instruction book' would be included, this was to tackle piracy. Oh, yes, did I mention that this film just SUCKED?!

58. Blue Screen of Death (1995)

No plot, no action, no characters, I.e. NO FILM!

57. Big Rigs (2006)

Over the road my ass. Checkitout. It has bad CGI. And I mean c'mon. Does it look like it was ready to be release and the CGI is great? NO! The russians made this and put communist shitholes everywhere! It sucked!

56. Ikaruga (2002)

The only movie that requires you to watch it over and over again to get to the end.

55. Garry's Mod (2009)

One and a half hours of random character manipulations!

54. E.T. The Video Game Movie (2009)

E.T. comes to a planet in a very small ship and the film mostly revolves around Dr. Horny who rapes E.T. and Perv Cop played by Michael Jackson. Most of the film is E.T. in a hole and Elliot only appears in the end where E.T. sadly dies.

53. Holocaust Tycoon the Movie!

Do I really need to explain?

52. Tetris: The Movie

Gayest idea ever. If you want to see blocks rubbing against each other, go get a gay porno you faggot.

51. Super-size me starring Pac-Man

[edit] 50-31

50. Guitar Hero: The Musical

49. Half Life: The Movie: Two hours of Gordan Freeman blowing the crap out of aliens without saying a single word while being followed by a traveling briefcase salesman.

48. Starcraft Ghost: The Movie Release date TBA

47. Bub and Bob's excellent adventure Two stoner dinosaurs go on a quest to rid the world of evil by trapping it in a bubble, but soon decide that it is more worthwhile to sit around and smoke pot.

46. Superman 64: The Movie Three hours of Superman bitch slapping Lex Luthor, the movie was filmed with a 1.0 Megapixel camera and had no sound at all.

45. Link: The Faces of Evil Was animated by a 5 year old child, it's about Link who goes to defeat the Seven Faces of Evil and then throws a book at Gannon and everyone is happy, it was 5 minutes long.

44. Zelda: Wand of Gamellon Was animated as well by that 5 year old child, this one is about the King who goes to Gamellon to recive a holy Staff but gets lost in the forest and Link has to save him, it was six minutes long.

43-1. NOBODY FUCKING CARES ANYMORE Nuff said!!

42. Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em, The Movie. It's also one of the worst Porno Films ever since It's not about beating it and eating it...It's a horror flick like Saw since he beats 'em and eats 'em.

41. Custer's Revenge, The Movie. Another bad Porno Film. This time, Custer is the star and he dosen't even score because he dies in the middle of the movie where the Naked Indian is still there.

40. Madden: The Musical. It stars a teenager trying to become a Madden Tournament Champion. Featured are the songs "Should I Go for it on Fourth and Long?", "How the Hell Is That Roughing the Passer?", and "Brett Favre Is Awesome", sung by John Madden himself.