Wrap
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“It's thy shit.”
- ~ William Shakespear on Wrap
Wrap (also known as white rap) is the second earliest form of rap, dating back to the middle ages. Wrap, originally a combination between white and wrap has been obscured throughout the years to include any type of entertainment that specializes in the excessive use of baggy clothes, references to organized crime the singer often has no part in, and excessive use of words like shizzle,ho and the letter "z" added to every word. It was once a popular form of rap, but has since drifted away into the obscurity of the earlier centuries. Wrap often contributes to forming a state of psychosis around the wrapper. To this day not one wrapper has escaped with their sanity.
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[edit] History
You could say that the roots of wrap started far before the wrap we know today was invented. Poetry was the earliest form of wrap, consisting of no beats. Beowulf is a famous epic wrap (Scandinavian lore states after writing Beowulf its author died in a drive-by spearing). Lets take a look at an excerpt of Beowulf:
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Yo've heardeth of dem Danish pimps, in dem old days and how thy were great gangstas. Shareza, thy son of Sheneequa, took shitloads of enemys' chairz, scared thy shit out of many a pimp, after he hath found thy ho. He prospered under thy Nissan skyline until crackas everywhereth listeneth when he spoke. He wuz a good pimp! |
As you can see, Beowulf heavily used Middle Ebonics in its "tranzilation" to a middlestate between English and Ebonics. Wrap stayed in this state for many years, until one man revolutionized it, and at the same time screwed it up.
[edit] Modern Wrap is founded
France, 15th Century. An emperor named Napoleon XIV just took the throne, and for a while it was good. Until he stumbled upon Beowulf. Napoleon quickly locked himself in the castle cellar, reading epic poetry like Crist and Deor. 15 days later he emerged from the cellar, obviously drunk due to the amount of wine he was forced to drink during those days. After he recovered from a massive hangover, it was discovered that he had went to the place where the nuts hunt the squirrels, had bats in his belfry, lived in a split level head, and wanted his wife to cuddle up with him in his security blanket (which at that time he claimed was his little red tricycle). Before that could happen though, he was taken away by the nice young men in their clean white coats while claiming he was marching off to bedlam. It is said while at the asylum he composed beats like Waterloo with a tambourine and a snare drum. Ever since his discovery of modern wrap every wrapper has had a curse of insanity.
[edit] Todays Wrappers
Today's wrappers have come much farther from poems in Middle Ebonics and beats composed with tambourines and snare drums. Today wrappers use modern Ebonics to write wrap that we can all enjoy. Also, instead of composing their own beats, today's wrappers just steal one from their massive record collection, apparently immune to the RIAA. In this section are some of today's most famous wrappers.
[edit] Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice started out as a good wrapper, beating rappers like MC Hammer out of the picture. Unfortunately Vanilla Ice started going mad. He took beats from beats from another wrap song and toned them differently. Eventually his already previously stale creativity drove him into obscurity. He miserably failed to recreate his image with his failed song, "Ice Ice Baby", a song about drug addiction, snow cones, and a prostitute.
[edit] Eminem
Eminem is a wrapper that went on despite his insanity. He gained his popularity by using the word "fuck", which at the time made you giggle because he said "fuck" on a CD. Eminem eventually became insane just like Napoleon XIV and Vanilla Ice before him. But, he took a different direction than the others. Eminem claimed that he was black, and even adopted Ebonics as his standard speaking language. Even though all wrappers and rappers are talentless hacks with no connection to the outside world, fans who clearly acted like him claimed him to be so, and left for rap.
[edit] Wrapper Trivia
- Eminem's trademark "pimp limp" was, according to legend, caused by a hit and run by a Good Humor ice cream truck at the age of four.
- Vanilla Ice's nickname was originally taken from the name of the hit film "men in vanilla ".
- Vanilla Ice originally decided to become a professional wrapper as revenge against MC Hammer after a childhood incident at their schoolyard where Hammer smashed a snow cone into Vanilla's face and proclaimed that Vanilla couldn't touch him. This was true, as MC Hammer's Father father DJ Screwdriver was the principal of the school.
- Eminem's son is named skittle.
- Eminem has a 8 mile long penis and thats why he named his film 8 mile
[edit] Wrapping Styles
Wrap has throughout the years changed itself into many destinctive styles of wrap. Today there are three distinctive categories - plastic, paper, and bubble.
[edit] Plastic
Plastic wrap is defined by its narrow topic, thick outer layer covering an underlying issue, and its ability to cover everything from XBible 360 games to those little toys you get in your happy meals. Plastic wrap is probably the most annoying kind of wrap as you can't get if off your head without some kind of sharp object, such as a pair of scissors. It is also the most common form of wrap. Popular plastic wrap artists include all mentioned in the wrapper section.
[edit] Paper
Paper wrap is the second-most common form of wrap, being defined by its thin but obfuscating outer layer covering an underlying issue (but yet easily torn by those with developed minds), varied topic, and its ability to cover gifts. It is also associated with Christmas, presents, and sleigh bells, which it uses to a point of ridiculousness. Popular paper wrappers include Bing Crosby and Burl Ives.
[edit] Bubble
Bubble wrap is the least common wrap. Bubble wrap softens the blows the lyrics cause to the issue. It is also makes fun of pop culture. Bubble wrap is indeed the most lighthearted wrap. It is also the most talentless wrap. Most bubble wrap stars only make it big because they look good, and their music is terrible, and takes little thought to make, unlike an Uncyclopedia article. Bubble wrap is also named bubble wrap because of another problem with it - the bubble of popularity pops in a month or two and people care about the wrapper just about as much as a reality show star. The Backstreet Boys and Christina Aguilera are some of the most famous.
Categories: Music | Puns
