Wrexham

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Wrexham town (for it is a town, you see) is a small town located in the most north-easternly corner of Poland (locals prefer to refer to their country of origin as "Wales" but you are at liberty to ignore them and go with the Poland option). It is grossly over-shadowed by its more illustrious, cross-border neighbour in the shape of Chester. Yet still, this does not prevent the massed populus of Wrexham from walking around as if they own the place (they don't, the Polish do).

[edit] History

Wrexham's history stretches as far back as 1990, when the town was first founded around the now-long gone shell-suit factory (although, fruits of this factory's labour can still be seen proudly upon the worryingly disfigured bodies of the locals). An attempt to bring mining to the area, as a means of continuing the point of the town, was thwarted when people "in the know" pointed out that Pot Noodles are generally not considered a mining delicacy. Recent history has shown that there was not much else planned for Wrexham and the de-commissioning of the town is due to start any time now.

[edit] Population

No-one is exactly sure of Wrexham's population, although local boasts that it is "massive" are generally considered inaccurate and pointless, as they refer to most things as this. Speaking in their native tongue of "Scelsh" (which is a cross between their laughable claims of Welshness and the more accurate origins of Scouseland (a.k.a Liverpool)), it is extremely difficult for outsiders to understand what on Earth is being said. It remains one of life's great mysteries as to how Wrexham folk obtain their benefits week in, week out, when they struggle so to converse with other human beings. Claims that Job Centres are staffed by local Wrexham folk are generally not believed, as no-one from Wrexham works. Where there's a will, there's a way, eh? What is expected soon, though, is the declaration of Polish as the official language of Wrexham. The Zloty actually became the officially recognised currency in 1462, what great foresite by the town elders. However, this didn't stop one of the towns famous sons, Mickey Thomas, selling £11 notes to local chavs.

[edit] Things to see and do in Wrexham

The answer to both these questions is "not a lot". To see revolves around the now-non league so-called football ground, the Racecourse, and its "massive" floodlights (again with the use of the word "massive"). These floodlights will be used, as from next season, to illuminate such footballing institutions as Lewes, Crawley Town and Forest Green Rovers. To do revolves around not getting mistaken for a sheep on a Friday night and having a nasty surprise inserted where the sun don't shine (which is pretty much all of Wrexham, hence the pale skin tone of the locals). Ironically Poland has no connection with Wrexham's main attraction, Poundland. Here you can find everything from mock Burberry baseball caps to fake gold chains.

[edit] Famous Sons of Wrexham

Again, the answer to this question is "there aren't any". However, that is upon only brief investigation. Looking a little deeper and the history books are full of famous Wrexham people. To list them all here would not only TAKE time, it would also (justifiably) WASTE it too.

[edit] The Future

As mentioned above, due to a lack of town planning when creating Wrexham, the future holds a definite uncertainty for the ill folk of Wrexham. It is likely that the town will be raised to the ground (although, to the naked, untrained eye there will appear little difference to the image of the town). What will happen to the "massive" population of Wrexham remains the source of much debate, mainly because no-one wants them. Poland have pulled out of all discussions to take them on the premise that it is a "giving" country when it comes to population, rather than a "receiving" country. England are mincing around trying desperately not to insult anyone during the negotiations whilst secretly hating the fact that they have be drawn in to such discussions. The Scottish, sensibly, pretended to look the other way, when asked. The Irish response could not be understood due to the constant high levels of Guinness intake. Consequently, the future really is bleak and unsure for Wrexham "people". And there, in the distance, is the cry of, "WHO CARES?". Officials refuse to confirm or deny that Wrexham will be raised to the ground and turned in to a car park for people visiting Cheshire. STOCK TRANSFER OF COUNCIL HOUSING AND COMMUNITYS FIRST It seems the governmnet want to get rid of council housing, housing assocations have exspressed an interest, indeed when this happens , tenants will be kicked out and told go to the council to get rehoused, and given a tent and sleeping bag, and a box of matches , dole money will stop, no address, soup kitchens will be a big idea for the millions living on the car parks

SPORT Wrexham proudly hosts the greatest football team ever and also has the best rugby union club the world has ever seen. this is a proven fact as jonah lomu once played for the first team, they have excellent sides at all ages, especially the under 16's who have some of the most recognisable players in the history of rugby union, Ryan jones, gruffud jones, jonathon davies, mathew evans, mike moore, jak roberts, steven pugh and many others.