X-Wing
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“I looked for one of these things to replace my private jet, but couldn't find one.”
~ Oscar Wilde on X-Wing
“I flew one of these on Yavin, Endor, Bakura, Coruscant, Corellia and a few missons in Nam”
~ Wedge Antilles on The X-Wing.
The X-Wing fighter is the most advanced tactical fighter plane in the world.
In the year 1999, scientists working for the MacDonald's-Douglas company, a company which builds fighter planes for the United States and other countries, decided to create a futuristic fighter plane for the new millennium.
Many of the scientists had seen all of the Star Wars movies, and decided to create either a TIE fighter ripoff or an X-Wing fighter ripoff. They decided to create an X-Wing ripoff, because if children who had seen Star Wars saw TIE fighter-like planes flying around, they would think there was an alien invasion.
The scientists started work on the X-Wing on January 12th, 1999. On January 21st, George Lucas found out about the X-Wing project that McDonnel-Douglas was doing and threatened to sue them of they didn't can the project. MD officials then said that if Lucas sued them, they would have everyone in the company move to the movie rating business and rate every one of his next movies the lowest. Lucas could only watch as MD ripped off his beloved X-Wing fighter by creating the plane in real life.
By October 17th, 1999, MD had finished designing the X-Wing. Now they had just over a month to build one. The Mayor of San Fransisco wanted the X-Wing to fly over the Golden Gate Bridge on New Year's Eve 1999. They had until then to complete the plane.
The McDonnel-Douglas X-Wing fighter looked exactly like the Star Wars X-Wing fighter, except the fact that it only had three wings.. They completed their first prototype on December 29th, 1999, two days before New Year.
The MD X-Wing used a sophisticated targeting system. A person sat on the front of the X-Wing fighter holding a missile in his hand, while the X-Wing hurtled through the air at its top speed of 30 km/h. If an enemy aircraft was spotted, the person on the front would light the fuse at the end of the missile, wait until the fuse had burned out and then threw the missile at the enemy plane as the missile's rocket booster fired. If he aimed well, the unguided missile would hit the enemy plane, probably causing a small dent in the aircraft.
The main test flight was done on the 30th of December, 1999. It was discovered that the X-Wing could fly at a maximum altitude of 20 feet, at a top speed of 30 km/h.
There was a problem. The Golden Gate Bridge was 746 ft above the water, and the X-Wing could only fly at an altitude of 20 feet. If it flew any higher, it would fall apart. MD attached metal plates to the outside of the X-Wing so it could fly higher and not fall apart (the X-Wing was made almost entirely of wood and plastic), however this only made the plane heavier. With the metal plates on it could only fly 10 feet in the air.
Then MD had an idea. They planned to fire the X-Wing fighter out of a large cannon a few miles away from the bridge, so it would soar into the air, fly over the bridge and hopefully land a few miles away from the bridge in the water, where no one could see it.
On the night of December 31st, 1999, MD prepared a large cannon with their only X-Wing fighter in it. The X-Wing was scheduled to fly over the bridge at exactly 12:00. At 11:59, MD fired the cannon. The X-Wing was blasted out of the cannon and soared into the air, however it only made it 500 ft up when it reached the bridge.
In a desperate attempt to save the expiremental fighter, the pilot triggered the fighters three laser cannons, mounted on the fighters three wings. (X-Wings had four wings in the movies, but the engineers were lazy and only attached three) However, the bridge withstood the assault. The pilot activated the hyperdrive, taking the x-wing far away from the bridge.
It seemed that the fighter was a sucess. However, there were many drawbacks to the new fighter. The public had seen the movies and knew that the X-wing was supposed to have four wings. With only three wings, the fighter didn't have its familar "X" shape. Also, experts were concerned that removing the fourth wing also got rid of 1/4 its firepower.
The loss of the fighters fourth wing enraged Star Wars fans everywere. How could this new fighter be of any use if it didn't look like an X? Soon, they formed a resistance movement hoping to destroy the project and restore the X-Wing to its former glory. They collected as many weapons and vehicles as possible. They bought M-16s and AK-47s. They converted buses into armored personal transports and Hummers into makeshift tanks.
Soon, they stormed the factory. The factory tuned to its last hope, the X-wings themselves. Pilots soared into the air, firing proton torpedoes at the enraged fans. The fans fought back, building missile launchers to shoot down the X-Wings. After a battle that went on for four years, the factory was destroyed.
After the humiliation of the X-Wing fighter at the battle, McDonnel-Douglas canned the X-Wing project. The destroyed X-Wings remain in a top-secret hangar at the MD headquarters in Long Beach, however it is rumoured that MD built another X-Wing for someone named Darth Vader, although the US State Department has checked their records and has found that no one named Mr. Vader exists in the United States.
