Yao Ming
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“ I ate chinese food once. It gave me a hernia. I'm not sure how that happened but I am sure as hell that I won't do that again.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rudy Ma
“ I pity the fool who is the size of yao ming”
~ Mr.T on Yao ming
“Oh No! Nooooo! Not Yao! Run for your lives!! Its too late now!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
~ Peewee Herman on Yao Ming
“ You teach me to basketball? I tall! I tall!”
~ Yao ming
“Ay ay ay! Donde esta mi bano, puto?”
~ Oprah on Yao Ming
“Yong im an doy den foy chi.”
~ Yao Ming on Himself
“I LOVE YOU!!!”
~ Lauren Jackson on Yao Ming
Yao Rudy Ming "the Merciless" is a Chinese athlete, best known for his basketball performance. Yao is best known for his extreme tallness, and is a giant. Yao is the most famous Chinese athlete, (which is an oxymoron, of course), possibly ever. In fact 68,000,000,000 streets in China are named in his likeness. He is tall,but not the tallest man in china. Yao Ming has the largest long distance farting system in all of Mexico.
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[edit] The Impotent Yao
[edit] The Early Life Of Yao
Yao Ming was born on May 6, 1689 where Shaq farted him out of a black volcano, but he was born again in 1997 inside a volcano after joining an Evangelical church. Yao spent most of his early life in a traveling circus, his forte being in the midget punting business. One night, after a particularly severe dropkicking of him, Yao decided to rebel. He used the Chinese ninja power of telekinesis, and threw all the midget punters off a bridge. Then Yao ran from authorities through the Arizona desert for 80 days and 6 nights. Once he had evaded the police, he found himself in Harlem. There Yao honed his curling skills, while learning from master curler Kobe Bryant. When Kobe had taught Yao the ways of the curler, Yao left to begin training for the Olympics, which were in Cleveland at the time.
[edit] Cleveland Olympics
Yao made a name for himself while competing in the Cleveland Olympics. He was credited with perhaps the best Olympic performance ever. While sweeping the ice during an intense session of curling, Yao lost both of his legs and his left arm. Yao fought through the pain and continued to sweep. His team finished first, and received a gold medal, as well as a lifetime supply of fresh badger. Yao was a national icon for the Chinese. A little known fact is that Yao also competed in sumo wrestling, and got a silver medal. Yao eventually lost the final match to an obese ball of fat called Rosie O'Donnell.
[edit] After The Olympics
When Yao returned to China, there was mayhem. They held a parade in his honor, and the Chinese government passed a law stating that every Chinese child must now be named Yao Ming. Yao loved the fame for a while, but eventually it became too much. Yao used his powers to tunnel to the core of the earth, where he now resides with his wife, Angelina Jolie, and their 12,073,088 kids. Yao is estimated to produce 17 offspring each millisecond. Yao never competed in the Olympics again, although rumor has it he still curls often.
[edit] Yao In Government
Despite the fact that Yao Ming lives in the Earth's core, he was elected Prime Dictator of China in 2028. The first law he passed required Chinese citizens to make beef stew at exactly 8:07 Eastern Standard Time, or they would be castrated and buried alive. No matter how brutal Yao has been, he is still China's most beloved icon. There are only 2 streets and 4 buildings in all of China that are not named after Yao in some way.
[edit] Trivia
Yao is also a dynasty in China.
Yao ming is dominated by 5' 9 Nate Robinson. After his rejection Yao cried like a little Chinese boy he is.
[edit] When Will Yao Die?
There has been speculation that Yao Ming is immortal, but of course this is complete bullshit, as Yao still possesses the ability to eat Split Pea Soup, a dead give away for mortality. Frank Johnson, a prophet who lives on a subway car in New York, says that Yao will die in 87,000,002 years. The accuracy of this claim has not ever been disputed.
