Yawning

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Warning: May cause Yawning, Drowsiness, Boredom, Falling Asleep, Brain Shrinkage and Delusions that the writer was fully awake when writing
SERIOUS WARNING: Keep your mouth closed while reading the article or satan will steal your soul

“Its a very boring subject”

~ Some Famous Dead Person on Yawning

“It means you need more sleep! Get to bed now!”

~ Your Mum on Yawning

“The yawn reflex is often described as contagious”

~ Wikipedia on Yawning

“*Yawn*”

~ Me on Wikipedia

Completly Irrelevant

A yawn is a very annoying yet completely normal bodily reflex which makes you breath more... deeply... I guess. It is a highly contagious disease called Foot-to-mouth, not to be confused with Foot and Mouth, That uses a "yawn" to distract you from a toe eating fungus (don't worry they grow back). Its contagiousness was proven by the famous Mythbusters as they tried to use it to take over the world. I would like to add that since I started writing this I haven't stopped yawning.

[edit] Why we Yawn

Due to the fact I don't feel like using big words like hypothesized like on wikipedia[1] (inadvisable to visit... May cause yawning) i will be writing simply... just so Paris Hilton can understand it. The few reasons we yawn include:

Reading this article
Going to school
Reading Wikipedia instead of Uncyclopedia
Reading a serious book
After your finished with your partner in bed
Doing nothing
foot-to-mouth

Cats Yawn Too 8-0

In 2006 a kid discovered that by going to school she had uncontrollable yawning and was dismissed from school and is so far living a great life and is happy she keeps her toes.
In 2004 a woman was admitted to hospital due to uncontrollable yawning it was later found that she had been over using wikipedia.
In 2008 I discovered that reading a non-funny book made me yawn
In 2005 it was discovered that the romans died of "yawning illness" brought on by boredom and nothing to do.

[edit] Symptoms of Foot-to-Mouth

Have you ever woken up and had 2-3 toes missing? Have you gone to bed that night to find 10 toes again? You might not have been crazy (I'm sorry for those already in the Funny Farm because of this) because it has officially been proven by the Government of Yawning (see Governments) not to be the case. The symptoms of "Yawning Illness" or Foot-to-mouth are as below;

Excessive or uncontrollable Yawning
Drowsiness
Head and/or Foot Aches
Toes going missing
Finding them again that night

Unfortunately Foot-to-mouth is almost incurable and isn't necessarily deadly.

[edit] Using Yawns

According to the quick glance at wikipedia's article on yawns you can use them. However wikipedia being such idiots and all wrote an incorrect usage and How to on yawning.

How To
Here I give a detailed example of a Full yawn.
1. Feel the yawn in the chest. (It all starts in the chest)
2. Open your mouth. (You can't let it out with a closed mouth)
3. Using the back of the neck Push into the mouth. (Just imagine it solid would you?!?!)
4. Release from your mouth
5. Repeat

Usage The usage of yawning is a very unique and powerful art. An art that if Mythbusters had been able master it we would all be asleep. If you can master a yawn you have the power to "control ones mind" and because of this the usage has been hidden for centuries in a secret place guarded by ninjas. The only people known to harness its power are ninjas.

[edit] Types of Yawns

There are many different types of yawns and all have different powers and energies. However I am not allowed to tell you what the powers are so I have to just list the types (I'm seriously Bummed about it).
1. Satisfied Yawn - As it says a Full yawn that is satisfying.
2. Half Yawn. - Basically breathing out.
3. Unsatisfied Yawn. - A full yawn that is not satisfying.
4. Not a Yawn. - A Yawn that is not a yawn.
5. Powerful Yawn. - Also known as a Ninja Yawn. Only the ninjas know about them.
6. Mown Yawn. - A perfectly Harvested lawn... I mean Yawn.
7. Mega Yawn. - When you can fit a horse in your mouth.