Yogi Bear

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Yogi Bear (1956-Present) is a master thief who often hides small valuables in pic-a-nic baskets. His partner in crime is a small bear named Xanglor Farnsment. (1971-1998)

Yogi running from the scene of a crime. Caught on camera.

1 Early Career
2 Biggest Thefts
3 International drug ring
4 Capture
5 The Death of Xanglor
6 Yogi's Attempted Suicide
7 After Prison
8 Other Notable Yogi Bears
9 See Also

[edit] Early Career

Yogi lived in Jellystone National Park for most of his life. He was roommates with Xanglor for the most part. One day he snapped and killed a visitor. He took the visitor's clothes, put them on and started his life of crime. His first theft was from a costume shop where he stole a bow tie for his buddy Xanglor. The two soon left Jellystone and went on a crime spree.

[edit] Biggest Thefts

Yogi and Xanglor are famous for being the only ones to ever successfully steal the original painting of Leonardo Da Vinci's Dogs Playing Poker. He held it at ransom but was ambushed by police. He was able to flee from the scene suffering a broken arm.

The duo also broke into many houses, hiding jewerly and batteries in a pic-a-nic basket before running off to a new town.

They were also seen at the International Picnic Convention (IPC) terrorizing the community, eating small children, and making off with about 27 pic-a-nic baskets.

Xanglor Farnsment, Yogi's partner in crime.

[edit] International drug ring

Yogi is now wanted by federal law enforcement for possession of crème cakes with intent to supply. police first thought yogi was part of a major drug ring, supplying class A drugs to street dealers. It was later discovered that yogi merely supplied a black-market of fat to the obese population of America wishing to avoid their diets.

As the American market grew (much like the citizens) so did yogi's greed. he later turned to much harder crimes than a simple pic-a-nic basket. He was finally caught red handed during a police sting operation trying to hijack a convoy of Gregg’s delivery vans. However, as local law enforcement was side-tracked by doughnuts contained in the vans, yogi made his escape.

[edit] Capture

Yogi and Xanglor were captured while attempting to steal The Elephant Man's skeleton. In a 3 hour hostage situation Yogi and Farnsment were eventually apprehended. They resided in North Columbia State Penn for 17 years until Xanglor's death.

[edit] The Death of Xanglor

While in prison, the two stayed close. Xanglor suffered from rectal cancer. He spent his last days try to redeem himself in the eyes of god. He converted to a Pastafarian and hoped that he would see the great beer volcano in heaven.

He was promptly sent to hell for being a lying, cheating, theif.

Yogi swore to never steal again. Without his best friend with him he felt no need and realized that instead of spending life running from the cops spending the stolen money on kittens and Magic: The Gathering cards they could've enjoyed the paradise they had lived in.

[edit] Yogi's Attempted Suicide

Yogi got raped by a big man named Buba the clown and his small penis which was like this 8=D Yogi decided that life wasn't worth living without Xanglor and attempted suicide twice while in prison. His first attempt involved beating himself with a cafeteria tray. The second was far more severe.

In his second attempt at self-inflicted death, Yogi dug a spoon into his stomach and tried to pry it out. He was hospitalized for 3 months. He was in a coma. When he awoke his first words were "That fucking hurt like hell!"

After realizing Suicide hurts like hell he decided to become a saint. He was released from prison on good behavior.

[edit] After Prison

After his release from prison Yogi returned to Jellystone. He lived like he had before. It wasn't until he saw a pic-a-nic basket that he went insane. All the memories swept back to him. He shed a tear before snapping and attacking to bystander and ripping his throat out.

At his trial he pled insanity and was admitted into Saint Will Smith's Hospital for Batshit Locos. He still stayed their until August 2006, when he was thrown out after attempting to rape another inmate. He then returned to television.

Yogi got into such classics as "Leave It To Yogi" and "Happy Yogi Days." In his last role, Yogi starred as "Igoy", an extradimensional pic-a-nic basket thief, for several episodes of the British Sci-Fi series Doctor Who. However, when several of the props vanished from the set after filming, Yogi was found with the missing stock and re-admited to Saint Will Smith's, where he resides currently (after failing four break-out attempts).