Yoko Ono
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“What's Yellow and Lives off Dead Beatles?”
~ Mark Anthony on The Greater Lemur
“I want to kill that bitch so much but John stopped me.”
~ Paul McCartney on Yoko Ono
“I wouldn't tap that even if I was blindfolded”
~ Oscar Wilde on Yoko Ono
“Hating Yoko Ono is officially the ninth beatitude.”
~the popegod on john lennon'shusbandsoulmate
“Woman. I find you hard to explain.”
~ John Lennon on Yoko Ono
The Yoko Ono (Icantsingium isosucki) is a yellowish shy fish found worldwide, mostly turning up where least expected. Most experts agree that the name comes from a rare combination of Japanese and Hawaiian (meaning craves attention).
The head of a Yoko Ono is one half of the KannOno Warmachine.
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[edit] The Yoko Ono
[edit] Physical Description
The body is elongated and covered with small, scarcely visible, scales (as well as a large, very visible, mouth); the back is an iridescent blue green, while the sides are silvery, with a pattern of vertical blue bars. These colors fade rapidly at death. The mouth is large. Specimens have been recorded at up to 2.5 meters (8 ft) in length, and weighing up to 83 kilograms (180 lb). What people do not realise is that Yoko Ono is a female clone of John Lennon, this is probably just another fucked up clue to Paul being dead . The mouth is large. Growth (of the buccal cavity especially) can be rapid. The mouth is large. One specimen tagged at 11 pounds grew to 33 pounds in one year. Yoko Ono can swim up to 75 kilometers (47 miles) per hour while singing. Did we mention the large mouth?
[edit] Early Sightings
Based on cave drawings, biblical writings and stuff we made up, Yoko Onos tend to mate with artists and musicians, and though they were always considered a talentless fish, they are geneticly evolved to use their dead husband's fame to promote their own, including taking pictures of their spectacles after their often unfortunate deaths.
The first confirmed Yoko Ono was found in 1966 by Dr. Paul M Cartney of the Liverpool Aquatic Research Centre. He noted an unpleasant odor coming from the live creatures, though in death they smell rather pleasant. Later and more in-depth research was performed by Dr. Jonathan Lennon of the same facility. Dr. Lennon made the study of this creature his life's work. Besides the above description and several volumes of truly boring data, he noted the uncanny ability of a live Yoko Ono' to cause a group of beatles to break up or separate. In most cases, the beatle groups remained apart indefinitely.
[edit] The Crazy Years
Because the Yoko Ono often swims against the prevailing current, there are times when other fish, notably its progenitors, will confine one to a mentally safe area. Commonly known as a nut house, mental institution or looney bin, the young Yoko will while away the days here, playing with other crazy fish until a moderately famous artist fish finds them and takes them to Europe. Yoko One is famous for killing bands she killed The Beatles, Michaels Jackson ( after taking his place because he was tired and suddenly turned into a pervert towards children), Fozzy (oh wait they killed themselves who recuites Chris Jericho?, Kane would have been beter), The Rolling Stone (Mick Jagger being that hes the only reason why they still play) and of course Elton John. She also plays Voldemort on Harry Potter but no one understands why she keeps making appearances and isn't found.
There has been footage of her and her husband, John Lennon having sex in a white room. It starts off with them completely nude while sitting on their bed. Then they start to kiss as John slowly leans Yoko back on the bed so he can be on top of her. After a while they are having so much fun with all the smiling and laughing, that John almost forgets the camera is there!
[edit] Musical Talent
[edit] Food
[edit] Sushi
See picture. Served with ponzu sauce, a fresh cut Yoko Ono is tasty, nutritious and can serve up to twelve pretentious New York artists at once. Gender is unimportant.
The dish is famous for its large mouth. Eat it before it eats you.
[edit] Nestle
In 1999 Nestle released Coco Ono which was a tangy chocolate/soy sauce/sweat drink that tasted like the armpit of a hairy polynesian. The Nestle corperation immediately retracted it because it reportedly made people shriek, turn yellow and expand their mouth to the size of a football stadium. Recently Kelloggs tried a similar idea by creating Yoko Pops. They immediately dismissed the idea because Yoko the baboon scared all the kids with its high pitched screeching.
[edit] Somewhat Famous People Who Have Eaten Yoko Ono
Based on unreliable sources, these people have either eaten Yoko Ono or were eaten by Ono. With its large mouth, Yoko Ono seems to be a favorite dish not only for men, but women too.
Kate Millett, Nam June Paik, Dan Richter, Jonas Mekas, Merce Cunningham, Judith Malina, Me, Erica Abeel, Peggy Guggenheim, Betty Rollin, Shusaku Arakawa, Adrian Morris, Stefan Wolpe, Steve Ballmer, Keith Haring, and Andy Warhol.
[edit] Current Events
[edit] Sightings
Recently, a Yoko Ono was found doing a strip tease for pretentious New York artists (and artistes). Since the specimen in question was over 200 years old, most of the creatures scales had drooped, sagged and turned grey. Both people in the audience just came "to see a really big mouth." According to the witnesses, the strip tease was absolutely revolting.
Swimming upstream in 2004, a Yoko Ono covered Liverpool, the city of her discovery, with Xerox copies of her naughty bits. The copies all had phone numbers on them that, when called, introduced you to a young lady who really wanted to be your friend. It later turned out that the images were not of her, but of another, younger fish.
