You have two cows/24

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

< You have two cows

Jump to: navigation, search

This article is part of the You have two cows series.

[edit] Category Twenty-four: Video Games & Consoles

[edit] Consoles

Atari: You have two cows. They got away with their substandard appearance for a few years before they almost singlehandedly caused the Video Game Crash of '83. Not even having cows four times as productive as rival cows could save them after that, the poor bastards.

EA: You have one cow named John Mooden. People like Mooden and start buying his milk for $50 a gallon. You realize that Mooden has sold millions of gallons of milk. You buy all the other cows in your area, who have been selling less popular, higher quality milk and force them to turn out sour milk at a rate they are not accustomed to. When the a cow's milk does not sell, you shoot the cow and buy another one. Soon the milk drinking community hates your guts but continues to buy your milk because its the only milk on the market.

Nintendo: So sure, every console can provide two cows. What we're going to do is revolutionize cows. Nowadays, it's not about how many cows you have, it's about what you can do with these cows.

Nintendo (2): You have two cows. They print money!

Sega: You start out impoverished, and are only able to build half a cow. Surprisingly, the public likes what you could do with it, and you bring out two cows. They become a global household name and you are able to afford many more cows to add to your herd. However, you are heading for bankruptcy because they are not as popular, so you risk a final venture on a cow that is many times faster than the current generation of cows, at a much lower price. The public hate it because it seems too advanced for them, and you end up impoverished again. You end up milking the cows of other farmers and curse the laws of chance.

Sony: Our console will not only provide two cows, but the cows will include wireless capability and HD technology. When you finally get it, though, it'll kill your cows, and you'll have to send it back. And it costs a fortune.

Sony (2): Here are your two cows. You'll need a memory card. Just so you know, only two people can milk your cows at one time. Oh, and we don't offer support on our cows.

Sony (3): You're not buying a console - You're buying two cows.

Xbox: You have two cows. They're both the size of small nations. You dine on steak till you die.

Xbox 360: WE WILL SELL TWO MILLION COWS!!!!

Xbox 360 (2): You have two brand new cows. They get really hot and then get the three red hooves of death. Damn you, Moocrosoft.

Wii: You have two cows, they are very different from those other cows and are more precise in their grazing.

Wii (2): You have two cows. They sometimes fail to respond to your Wiimote and get stuck to the side of the screen.

Nintendo DS: You may now touch your two cows.

Nintendo DS Lite: While other people just have one cow, you have two. You touch one of them.

Playstation Portable: Your two cows eject their cud all over you. It's a feature.

Playstation 3: You used to have two cows, but now you only have half of one because you spent one and a half on your shiny new console. It breaks down a week later. Ken Kutaragi comes to your house and laughs in your face, then rants about "Historically Accurate Crabs".

Playstation 3(2): You have two cows. You can milk them, but they can also play music, videos, DVDs, provide Internet access, cook breakfast, watch birds and launch rockets.

Playstation 3(3): You spend all your money on two shiny cows. They sit in the corner and mock you as you realise you can no longer afford food.

3D0: You have two cows. Then you blink and they're not even moving at clearance prices. Blink again, and they're gone.

CD-i: You have two cows. You can't even give 'em away on infomercials, and they're largely remembered for producing laughably sour milk based off grass from Nintendo's pastures.

Jaguar: You have 64 cows, though you can only handle 16 or 32 at a time. Your cows go mad when seeing some giant box connected to the console with 3 red buttons on it.

[edit] Genres

Arcade Games: You have two pixelated cows; you must move the pixelated cows out the way of the falling pixelated asteroids. Every 50 asteroids dodged gives you another cow. All the time the asteroids start falling more frequently. You get addicted to the game until you end with 89 cows and are called the high scorer. Two weeks later someone has ended with 91 cows, and you waste your entire life trying to regain the high score. The game is called Asteroids: Two Cow Edition.

Arcade Games (2): You have two cows. You get an extra cow at every 1 million points.

Brain Games: You have two cows worth $0.07 each. You also have a seven cent coin. What will you do with the seven cent coin?

Fighting Games: You have two cows. FIGHT!

MMORPG: You have two cows. You run around killing stuff to get more cows. You suddenly stop getting cows once you have gained 65, and you laugh at the n00bs. The server reboots and you lose all of them.

MMORPG (2): You have two cows. You spend 12 hours a day levelling them up, and they get strong. They instantly get hacked.

Open-Ended Games: You have two cows.

Role-Playing Games: You have two cows. One cow has a lot of angst and missing memories. The other has large udders and loves the first cow. The first cow is trying to save the world, but the other cow turns on him and kills him. That's where you come in.

Text-Based Adventure Games: You have two cows. Do you wish to milk cow one? Do you wish to milk cow two? Do you wish to milk both cows? Do you wish to move north? Do you wish to move north? XYZZY?

Text-Based Adventure Games (2)

You are standing in the middle of a field. To the north there is more field. To the east you see a small farmhouse. To the south you see animals in a field. To the west you see a field.

A cow lazes in the grass.

A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.

A cow lazes in the grass.

A cow lazes in the grass. You own this cow.

A cow lazes in the grass.

A cow is chewing cud. You own this cow.

select: tip cow kill cow milk cow

you selected kill cow

are you sure? cow is Level 7 Cow. He is huge compared to you. Attacking it would be suicide.

are you still sure? yes no

you selected yes

kill cow

You kick at Level 7 Cow.

You miss Level 7 Cow.

Level 7 Cow uses MOO AND STARE combo against you.

DIRECT HIT

HP GONE: 78

You use TIP against Level 1 Cow.

DIRECT HIT

REVERSAL

Level 7 Cow tips onto you.

you are dying. (1386)

You are dead.

Text Based Adventure Games (3): You are standing in a green field, facing a white house. You see two cows.

You are eaten by a grue.

Text Based Adventure Games (4)

You go north. There are two cows here.

> Kill cow

I do not understand the word 'cow'.

> Look

You are in a field. There are two cows here.

> Poke cow

I do not see any cow here.

Text Based Adventure Games (5)

There are two cows here.

> Milk cow

You can't do that.

> Look

You can't do that.

> get out of bed

you are eaten by a grue.

Text Based Adventure Games (6)

You are in a field. The sun is shining and birds can be heard tweeting in the background. Before you lie 'two cows'. One of them is wearing a party hat and is named Furry, the other has a Darth Vador mask and is named Feep.

> l two cows

Huh? (Type 'help' for help.)

> l two

I don't see that here.

> milk cows

You are turned into a slimy toad!

Racing Games: The cows race around the fields in order to win. Mayhem ensues!

Roguelike Games: You have two M.

Roguelike Games (2)

Do you want your possessions idetified? (ynq)y

You have two cows

[edit] Games

[edit] A

Ace Combat 5 (1): You have two cows. They engage in annoying dialog over the radio while you complete the entire mission by yourself.

Ace Combat 5 (2): Nagase: You have two cows. Yes > < No

Ace Combat 5 (3): You have two cows. CAN YOU TAKE THEM ALL AWAY? CAN YOU TAKE THEM ALL AWAY?

Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War: You have two Su-37s.

Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (2): You have two cows. Then one leaves and joins a terrorist organization.

Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (3): Hey kid, you still have two cows?

Ace Combat Zero: The Belkan War (4): Did you know that there are three kinds of cows?

Advance Wars: You have two cows. A neighbouring farmer attacks, claiming that your cows have been grazing all over his land. In the denoument, it turns out that one of your cows is an evil clone designed by a shadowy beef company CEO in order to sow discord between farms.

Advance Wars 2 BHR: You have two cows. The alien beef company CEO from last time attacks your farm. You attack him by randomly yelling stuff that makes your cows produce more milk and have lower fat. Oh, and the CEO is on the verge of being indestructable, if he weren't such a moron.

Advance Wars 2 BHR (2): You have two cows. Neither of them knows what a continent is.

Advance Wars 3 DS: You have two cows. One cow tries (and fails) at being cool, while the other cow is a kiss-ass. Your friend tests you by using allied forces as training fodder. You then battle the Black Farm beef company. You win, yet they will return (again).

Advance Wars Days of Ruin: You have no cows. The devastation was total.

Age of Empires: Your explorer finds two cows in the forest. They are sent back to the livestock pen to be fattened and then they are killed by the villagers and their meat used to feed soldiers.

Age of Empires (part 2): Your explorer finds two cows in the forest. You send them back to your base only for some other team to pick them up before they reach your town center. You lose a small army trying to get your cows back.

Age of Empires 2: You have two cows. And a beard.

Age of Empires 3: You have two bearded cows.

Age of Empires 4: The Ottomans have 50 Imperial Janissaries and 5 Grand Bombards. You have two cows.

Age of Empires 5: Your enemy has two cows but you convert them with your monk. Now you have two cows.

Age of Empires 6: You have 200 cows so you can't train cows anymore.

Age of Mythology: You have advanced to the heroic age through the drunken revelry of your two cows.

Age of Mythology 2: By choosing athena you can build cows, however eqypt will still kill them all. It just happens

Age of Wonders: You have two cows, but your brand of milk is basically unknown outside of Heaven Games.

Age of Wonders: Shadow magic: You spend 10,000 gold on fortifying the cities only to have shadow demons brutally rape all your cows.

Age of Wonders: Shadow magic(2): You laugh at the entire assembled forces of your opponent's cows, safe in the knowledge you have 90 casting points and a discounted Sacred wrath.

Alone in the Dark: You are given a job to find out the suicide of a painter. As soon as you get his last note, a cow suddenly jumps in from a window and another cow comes to the room from trapdoor. Later in the game you will read a book which kills you.

Albatross18: You have two cows. You chip one in from 250 yards and get 1,000 Pang + 100 BI Pang and 20 Happy Bonus Pang. You get -2. The other one goes out of bounds 3 times in a row. In the end you end up with a triple bogey and your score is +1, so you quit and raise your quit rate to 99.9%.

Alundra: You have forty cows living in a village. By the end of the game, you have two cows living in a church.

Animal Crossing: Wild World: You have two cows, and it will take ages for you to pay off your loan for them.

Animal Crossing: Wild World (2): You have two cows in your pasture. You invite more cows, but one of them seeds you and you have to get a new pasture.

Animal Crossing (2): You have two cows in your town, and one of them will ask you to give something to the other one. Then the other cow will move.

Animal Crossing (3): You have two cows. One cow gives his stuff to the other cow and tell you go go get it for him. You go to get the stuff, but it turns out the other cow lent it to another cow, to another cow, who then says he gave it back to the first cow. You go back to the first cow which says sorry. You get paper as a reward.

Animal Crossing (4): You have two cows. One of them is really obnoxious and wears the ugliest shirt imaginable because you sent it to her as a token of "friendship." The other hides behind every single building at least once in fear of being eaten for Thanksgiving.

Animal Crossing (5): You have two cows. They are cute, they wear clothes and they can even talk! You get bored after two weeks.

Anarchy Online: You have two cows. You will need Moochies & 131 Wrangle to milk them.

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney: You have two lawyer bulls. One has a large forehead and CHORDS OF STEEL and the other is a rockstar when he's not in court.

Arcanum: You search the whole game for the ingredients needed to craft two mechanical clockwork automaton cows.

Arcanum 2: You have two cows. They are happily eating their grass in their pasture, when all of a sudden a burning zeppelin crashes on them.

Armed Assault: One cow spends 15 minutes of speeded up time in a humvee driven by AI with learning difficulties. Upon arrival your cow is immediately killed by one bullet from a cow 4 kilometres away. You then contemplate self-harming.

Armagetron Advanced: You have two cows! ONE IS PINK ONE IS GREEN! THEY MAKE WALLS AND BOXIN OTHER COW!!!!!!

Armored Core: You have two cows, until you sell them for parts.

Audition: You have two dancing cows. One accidentally presses the down button instead of the up and gets its head chopped off for fun. The other cow finishes the round with a perfect score only to get disconnected.

[edit] B

Bad Dudes: The President has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to have two cows?

Barkley, Shut up and Jam: Gaiden: You have two cows. One cow caused a huge explosion during a county rodeo years ago and destroyed half of New Moo City. The other cow hooked himself up to a milk machine to absorb the first cow's son's horrible pus filled milk from a rBST shot injected by the first cow's farm mate who defected to the animal rights side after the first cow caused rodeo to be outlawed in what is know known as The Great R-deo Purge. This is all considered canon to a rodeo vidcon featuring the first cow released in 1994.

Baten Kaitos: You have a one-horned bull. After 40 hours of random battles that last 5 minutes each, repeated futile attempts at making precise combos out of randomly dealt cards, and voice acting bad enough to choke a walrus, you find out he erased your memories and betrayed you for an evil god farmer.

Battle Arena Toshinden: You have two cows fighting in a ring.

Battle for Wesnoth: You skip through plot dialogue ripped verbatim from the Big Book of Cliches. You have twenty high level lawful cows attacking two weak, chaotic cows in broad daylight. Your cows are attaching from the cover of forests; theirs are exposed in the plains. Your cows attack with holy; theirs are weak to holy. The random number generator decides that you lose.

Battlecruiser 3000AD: You have three cows, but the game crashes whenever you try to milk the third one.

Battlefield 1942: You have two cows. One cow kills the other for an airplane.

Battlefield 2: Lt. Stupid : Enemy cows spotted, over.; Sgt. UrDoom : Hey, I need two cows!; Lt. VixeMaria : Let's cow.; Maxlam : Why did a cow shot me!?; MeMeMe : Medic ! Cows ! Medic !; LEEROY JENKINS N00BZ : ur cowz R mine LOLZ!!!1one

Battlefield 2 (2): Requesting two cows at these coordinates!

Battlefield 2142 (2): You have two cows, one becomes a commander and obrital strikes your entire team, the other crashes your transport on takeoff. You wonder why you let the cows fly the damn chopper.

Battlefield 2142 Northern Strike: You have two cows, one got so fat it lagged the goliath, to balance it, you starved the other until it was so frail it dies driving the hachimoto...You go back to being shot at and spawncamped.

Battleon: You have two cows. One of them carries a great cow axe and another carries a wooden stick. You go around killing other cows and gaining cowyness. Your original two cows never move an inch since you started.

Beatmania IIDX: You have two great cows. One of them is flashing.

Beatmania IIDX 14 GOLD: Woo yay come on! I'm Michael on a farm! Let's do the milk making now, are you ready? TWO COWS ARE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!

Big Rigs Over the Road Racing: You have two cows. A semi-truck going several times the speed of light in reverse runs into your cows, but nothing happens to them. YOU'RE WINNER!

Bioshock: No Gods or Kings, only cows.

Bioshock (2): "I am Andrew Ryan, and I'm here to ask you a question: 'Is a man not entitled to the sweat of two cows?'

Bioshock (3): You have two cows. One of the tries to kill you for your ADAM. The other tells you to go into life threatening situations while he sits back in the safety of his shelter. You kill them both.

Black & White: You have two cows. You decide to throw them at your villagers. They are then eaten by your creature, who may also be a cow but that would be just silly.

Black & White 2: You have two cows, they complain theres no online play at all

Black & White 2: Battle of the Gods Expansion Pack: You have 2 cows, there still Trolling Lionhead for not adding online play, but they are later sent to your abattoir for food

Boktai: You have two cows. There was a third one, but it wasn't released in English. The fourth cow got changed to a bull.

Breath of Fire: You are a half-human, half-cow. You have two good cows. Then bad cows come and kill your cows to revive an ancient goddess. You go kill them and meet an flying cow called Nina.

Bubble Bobble Revolution: You have two cows. They don't show up at level 30.

Burnout: You have a cow, another cow hits your cow and times slows down so you can see your cow do 50 flips in mid air and watch its intestines flying out and shattering in slow motion.

[edit] C

Call of Duty: You have two cows. They stand still and try to mow you down with bolt-action rifles. You dispatch in 3 seconds in close range with a Luger.

Capcom/SNK Fighers: You have two cows. You play as them in Marvel vs Capcom vs SNK vs Sammy Alpha Gamma Beta Omega Lambda Rainbow Worldwide Turbo Mew Epsilon New Challengers EX 2 Pro Collector's Edition

Carmageddon: You have two cows... splattered across the front of your truck.

Castlevania: You have two cows. Vampires are after them, and the one with poor play control makes the other one into a fashionable leather whip.

Castlevania II: What a horrible night to have two cows.

Castlevania II (2): The morning sun has vanquished the horrible cows.

Castlevania III: You have two cows, but they share one body. If they survive, they fall in love.

Castlevania 64: You have two cows. One of them kills you if you run through the game too slowly. The other one kills you if you run through the game too quickly.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow: You have two cows fighting each other. One of them has amnesia, and is known only as 'C.' You find out that you are the real cow, and must fight them both before fighting yourself.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow (2): You have two cows. You slaughter them, absorb their souls, and now you can shoot milk and eat grass.

Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin: You have two cowpies. They barely do damage to most enemies, even fully mastered. Then you use them against Whip's Memory and they do fucktons of damage.

Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin (2): Cow-art technique! A painting of the cow! I'll make your two cows my masterpiece! These are cows!

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood: You have two cows. One of them comes from a long line of vampire killers and is supposed to kick ass, but the other cow is 12 years old, shoots birds, and is faster and easier to use.

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood (2): Shaft of cows!

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night: You have two cows that each have five lines of badly dubbed dialogue, mostly consisting of the phrases "Mother, no!" and "I will defeat you!" strung together.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (2): You have two cows that are hella sweet. They are taken from you within the first five minutes of gameplay, and you must start all over again with a crappy short-calf and leather shield.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (3): You have two cows. One of them is an upside-down version of the other.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (4): What are two cows? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk; have at you!

Cave Story: You feel a black wind blow through you. All cows dropped to level 1!

Cave Story (2): You have two cows. One of them shoots milk at your foes; the other shoots more powerful milk but has a limited amount of milk to fire. You collect bouncing yellow triangles to level up your two cows to Level 3. You use your two cows to defeat a giant talking toaster for the 17th time. Then you run into some red spikes and your two cows level down.

Chrono Trigger: You have two cows. They save the world, but the thing they save the world from doesn't affect anything for another thousand years.

Chrono Cross: You have way too many cows, more than you could ever possibly need. Most of the cows are actually aliens or trees or some weird shit like that.

Chrono Cross (2): A temporal incident ten years ago caused your cow to split into two cows. You can travel back and forth between them, but beware that your presence will irrevocably change both cows.

Chrono Cross (3): You have over 40 cows to put into your pasture, but only about four of which will actually give you any good milk.

Chronomaster': You have 7 cows. #1 is normal, #2 is a genie-cow, #3 is super-lucky, #4 has psychic powers, #5 casts spells, #6 is sorta like a cross between M.C. Escher and The Mask, and #7 enjoys channel-surfing. A guy who looks and sounds like Lt.-Commander Data with a rad ponytail wants them all frozen in time.

Civilization III: You have two cows within the cross of your capital city on grassland. You will be able to build your first warrior more quickly.

Civilization III (2): You have two cows. You get two more shields when you work these two cows. After you build your first two cows, Sumer comes in with 2 million cows and takes your city. Fucking Sid level.

Civilization IV: You have two cows. One of them produces milk, which gives you +1 Health of in all the cities connected with whis one; you can trade the milk of the other one. You've discovered Buddhism.

City Of Heroes: You have two cows. The GMs decide that Blasters are underpowered, so they take away one cow from every character, and make bosses and arch-villains harder to hit.

City of Heroes 2: You have two cows. Unfortunately, they archetypes you chose for them gives them absolutely no offensive abilities. Should've gone for Scrapper or Blaster.

City of Villains: You have two cows for henchmen. When you hit level 18, you can summon a third cow as a henchman. This cow can buff the others with milk and shoot milk at attackers!

City of Villains 2: You have two cows. It doesn't exactly matter what you choose for their archtypes, as every villain archetype has good offensive abilities unlike the heroes. It's good to be evil.

Clive Barker's Clive Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker: You have two Clive barker's clive barker's cows by clive barker. They are made by Clive Barker

Clock Tower: You have two cows. In 6/9 endings, your two cows kill you. In the other 3 endings, your two cows die.

Club Drive: You have two cows. One of them is shaped like a cardboard box with triangle ears. The other one was removed from the game, because of making the Jaguar crash easily

Colossal Cave Adventure: You are in a farm of two little cows, all alike

Command & Conquer: Insufficient cows.

Command & Conquer (2): You have two cows, they follow the charismatic cow known only as Kane.

Command and Conquer: Red Alert: You have two cows. You Chronosphere one, and use the Iron Curtain on the other

Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2: You have two cows. You put one into an IVF and get accused of hax.

Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2: Yuri's Revenge: You have two cows. You tell them to attack the enemy base. They get hypnotised by anything and now are property of the enemy. You send in a huge army of stupid robot cows to get them back.

Command & Conquer Generals: You are a two-cow general.

Command & Conquer Generals: Zero Hour: You have two cows, you challenge other generals with them.

Commandos: 1943. Your team of 4 commandos is sent to a small town in Europe to sabotage two german top-secret cows.

Commandos (2): A german soldier is watching over your two cows, who have been made prisoners. You send the spy disguised as a general to distract him while the green beret sneaks up behind him and stabs him to death. Then you hide his body and free your cows.

Commandos 2: You have two cows. But they suck, because they can't tie the KO'd germans up.

Conflict: Global Terror: You have 3 cows and you. You control all the cows, and they suck by themselves. You find ammo for your team all nice and organized in enemy territory. Your cows get killed. You heal them with medkits by putting band-aids on them. Your token black cow sucks at anything other than explosives.

Conker's Bad Fur Day: You have two cows and red squirrel to attack an army of german teddy bears. You attack the beach. The teddyz have giant machine guns located all over the place. You now have a dead squirrel and no cows.

Contra: You have thirty cows.

Counterstrike: You have two cows. The CTs have to rescue them and lead them to the Helicopter to deliver them safely to the butcher's. That fucking camper snipes all ur mans and camps the spawn point.

Counterstrike (2): You have two cows. Cow 1 is a n00b. Cow 2 knife kills him every round. Cow 2 has never seen a real breast.

Counterstrike (3): You have two cows. Let's Moove Moove MOOVE!!!!!!

Counterstrike (4): You have twBOOM HEADSHOT!!!

Counterstrike: Source: You have two cows. One of them loves the new physics engine being used, the other is really a calf and bitches about lag.

Crash Bandicoot: You have two cows. Dr Cortex mutates them into genetically advanced monsters.

Crash: Twinsanity: You have two cows. They plan to destroy reality. Dr Cortex accidentally sent them into another dimension while he was young.

Crash: Twinsanity(2): You have two cows. They get mad cow disease when listening to the shitty music in this game.

Crash of the Titans: You have two cows. They don't look like cows anymore.

Custom Robo: You have two cows. One flies around and spams the Gatling Gun and thus causes a game disc to become broken.

Crysis: You have two cows. They look very realistic. Microsoft tells you to upgrade to Windows Vista so you can see them better.

Crysis(2): You have two cows. An alien breaks through a ship and steals one of them, then the other is annoying and Austrailian. You kill them all.

Crysis(3): You have two cows. One of them keeps rushing the enemy base and gets killed by turrets and the other can't drive for shit and gets killed by a TAC cannon. You have no cows.

The Curse of Monkey Island: Hey look over there, there's an amazingly rendered two-headed cow next to that three-headed monkey!

[edit] D

Dance Dance Revolution: You have 2 cows that are singing in high-pitched not understandable Japanese and you have to dance along. If you do it good, cow 1 gives you milk while cow 2 pisses on your left (lucky) foot. If you do it wrong, both cows will kill your family.

Dance Dance Revolution SuperNOVA: You have 100 cows per minute. Suddenly you have 400 cows per minute. You fail instantly.

Dance Dance Revolution SuperNOVA 2: You have two cows. The timing on their milk production has been terribly tampered with and veterans can't get AAA grade milk anymore. Thanks KONAMI.

Darius: WARNING; A HUGE BATTLECOW; "KING BOVINE"; IS APPROACHING FAST.

Dark Age of Camelot: You have two cowsongs. Someone steals them. You curse and issue death threats at the top of your lungs.

Dark Cloud: You have two cows. You forget to keep their horns sharp, or you don't have a sharpener to do it. Either way, your cows die and now you're in the middle of a dungeon without sharp-horned cows to protect you.

Dark Cloud 2: You have two cows. You forget to keep their horns sharp, or you don't have a sharpener to do it. This time, they simply fall asleep and won't wake up until you finally sharpen their horns. Your friends make fun of you for playing this game instead of Final Fantasy.

Dark Legions: You have one cow. Your opponent has the other. But which of your opponent's troops is the Cow-Bearer?

Dawn of War: You need 1000 requisition to produce two Imperial Assault Cows. While you are saving up to get them, your base is rushed by hordes of Space Marines.

Daytona USA: Try to go easy on the cows!

Dead or Alive: You have two cows, one cow is pissed at the other cow because she doesn't have a mother, the other cow is a run away shinobi on a mission to destroy a secret organization who tried to clone her for their own selfish destructive milking purposes to rule the world. The first cow is trying to stop the second cow over selfish ambitions but was really ordered by her master cow to kill cow2 because she is a run away shinobi in the first place. They fight random cows they don't know they are connected to in someway until a really hideous bull uses super cheep taurojitsu on everyone appears. Cow one defeats this cow (who just happens to be cow one's father). She does a sexy pose and her udders jiggle.

Dead or Alive (2): You have two cows with unrealistic proportions. You randomly mash buttons in hopes you can milk them.

Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball: You have two cows whose udders jiggle uncontrollably.

Dead Rising: You land on a slaughterhouse full of undead cows. You have 72 hours to kill as many as you can before their meat gets sold to McDonald's. Two cows have covered wars, you know.

Defcon: Pusan hit. 14.7 megacows dead. Dozens of green vector Intercontinental Ballistic Cows come over the north pole. You realize you are a n00b for not building a cow defense system near Chicago.

Defense of the Ancients: You need gold for Cows Scepter of Divinity. You and some noob who doesn't talk much decide to ambush/backstab/bs two cows in mid. Two cows in mid turn out to be 5 cows in mid who setup the ambush you just fell into. You now have 0 gold.

Desert Strike: You have two cows; one tries to nuke the west while the other tries to stop him. You're forever pressing 'start' to check ammo/milk/armour due to a lack of a CUD (Cow Up Display) and every field you grace looks the same as the one you just left; same size and no grass so death is a certainty.

Destroy All Humans!: You have two cows that are soon PK'ed into the water by that dagum sonuvabitch Crypto.

Destroy All Humans! (2): You have two cows. You PK them ONE INCH off the ground and they DIE. You now have two dead cows to throw at people.

Devil Hunter Seeker of Power: The dark lord, Vecowsoul, if revived by a calf, and some random cow-slayer sets out to destroy the five parts of Vecowsoul, while at the same time, obtaining the legendary sword Masamoone.

Devil May Cry (in general): You have two cows. You used to have three, but you disowned the second one because it got emotional, stupid, and couldn't see what it was milking.

Devil May Cry 3: You meet two cows. One is a kick-ass heterochromic cow who hates you yet you flirt with incessantly, and the other is a smurf-colored vampire succubus cow with exposed utters. You don't get to milk either of them.

Deus Ex: You work for two cows. The cows tell you to kill the farmers. You kill the cows.

Deus Ex (2): You have one really great cow, but then you are given another and it has better graphics, but still sucks.

Deus Ex (3): You have two cows. You can choose between milking, selling or slaughtering them.

Diablo: There are three prime cows and two normal cows you have to kill. You insist that you're not a milkmaid.

Diablo 2: Travel forth into terror's lair. But you must know that there are two cows you must milk. Only then you can face the Prime Cow.

Diablo 2 (2): You have two cows. They get killed by new characters going for the cow level rush. You have no cows.

Diablo 2 (3): You have 200 cows attacking you in the Supposedly Secret Cow Level.

Diablo 2 (4): You have two cows. You click them 100 times and nothing happens. There is no cow level.

Diddy Kong Racing: You have two cows. For some reason, you have to defeat them in a race to save your planet or something. It makes no sense, but it's fun anyway.

Diddy Kong Racing (2): You have two cows. They race each other after one cow collects four golden balloons from each racetrack. Then, that cow must go and collect all of the coins from the same levels in order to get more balloons. Afterwards, the cow must race the second cow, yet again, even though the second cow has a completely unfair advantage because it can breathe fire. After beating this cow and the other three boss cows, the main cow squares off against a massive bull who sounds nowhere near as threatening as he's supposed to look. After winning, the cow celebrates with all of the other racer cows, and hopefully that one cow who looks like a rooster will get its head blown off because it really doesn't have much use otherwise.

Diddy Kong Racing DS: You have two cows. They do the exact same things as last time, so you buy Mario Kart DS instead.

Dig Dug: You have two cows trapped in underground tunnels. You dig down to each one, insert your bicycle pump in its anus, and pump until it explodes. I can't believe this game wasn't banned.

Disgaea: Hour of Darkness: You have two cows. You spend in the upward of 150 hours getting them both to level 9999. A better class of cow is unlocked. You transmigrate your lv9999 cows into a slightly better class. You now have two level 1 cows. But on the plus side, they'll develop faster than normal.

Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories: You have one cow. It is a being of solitude.

DJMAX: GAME OVER
U NEED MORE COWS

DJMAX Portable 2: [ MISSION ]; Exceed 2000000 COWS!; Don't 'BREAK' more than 2 cows!; Would you like to challenge the MISSION?; [ YES ] NO; Then you fail instantly because you're forced to play with the FADER-BLINK, MAX RANDOM, and CHAOS-W modifiers, an upside-down screen, and spinning notes.

DoDonPachi: You have two bees.

DonPachi: THIS IS NOT SIMILATION. GET READY; TO DESTOROY THE ENEMY. TARGET FOR; THE TWO COWS OF FUCKIN' MACHINE.; DO YOUR BEST YOU HAVE EVER DONE.

Doom: You have two cows. A portal to hell opens up. They are either killed or turned into zombie cows.

Doom 3: You have two cows. A portal to hell opens up. Their spines and heads detach from their body and attack you.

Doom 3 (2): It's too dark to see how many cows you have.

Dragon Quest: A Two Cows draws near! Command?

Dragon Quest (2): Thou hast slain the two cows!

Dragon Quest VIII: You have two cows. They have been cursed by a jester holding an evil scepter so you go out to save them. One of them keeps jumping to the side, freezing, and shouting "COR BLIMEY!" and you don't know why.

Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime: You have two gigantic cow tanks!

Dragon Warrior III: You have one Hero cow. You must answer several questions to determine his milk quality. You then choose 3 more cows from several classes and determine their milk quality and color from the class. You then go on a quest to kill the evil cow, for he killed HeroCow's father, and once defeated, will reveal there is an even bigger cow you must milk. He also tells you that your cows must drop to level one just to be able to taste his milk, and that HeroCow's dad isn't dead. Not to mention you must finish the evil cow 2 off.

Dragon's Lair: You have two cows and three seconds to push the right key before they die.

Drakengard: You have two cows one of which is actually a dragon, they have a million cows your dragon makes hamburgers out of all of them and keeps McDonalds in business for another year

Driver: You have two cows that are currently tailgating you and mooing with their sirens. Lose them and head for the lockup.

Duke Nukem Forever: You have one cow, and have been waiting for more than ten years for the second.

Dungeon Keeper: You should build a lair for your two cows. You should build a hatchery to feed your two cows. Your two cows are attacking the enemy!

Dungeon Keeper: Your two cows are being held in an enemy prison. Your two cows are being tortured by an enemy keeper!

Dungeonman: You can't get ye two cows.

Dungeon Siege: You have two cows. The Krug steal them, prompting you to go and retake them. You are soon dragged into a massive quest, during which you make so much from selling armor that you can afford to quit ranching forever.

Dungeon Siege II: You and your friend run a ranch. You try to sell two cows but the buyer tries to get out of paying by killing you and your friend. You survive and try to get revenge but end up destroying the world in the process.

Dungeon Siege II Broken World: Aliens have been abducting and mutilating cows, turning them into totally freaky monsters. To make matters worse, everyone is blaming you.

[edit] E

EarthBound: You have two cows. You paint them blue.

EarthBound 2: You have four Chosen Cows. One of them is taken away by a creepy old man so he can learn a powerful new attack and act as Deus Ex Machina in your next boss battle.

Earthbound 3: Cow A says "moo!". Cow B use PSI Ice OMEGA!.

Earthbound sequel (Mother 3): Those lucky Japanese have two cows.

Earthworm Jim: You have two cows. Each time you win a level, one congratulates you and the other chews his cud.

Earthworm Jim (2): TWO COWS LAUNCHED.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion: You have two HD cows, but you have to turn them off because your PC is too weak.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (2): Your two cows are stabled outside the city gate.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (3): You have 2 cows. They knock all your food off the table.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (4): You were born under the Two Cows birthsign so you produce a gallon of milk per day but have a weakness to forks.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (5): You steal two cows and run into a building thinking you are safe. OMG! the guards here are smarter than in morrowind and have learned to use doors! The guard pwns you.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (6): You have two cows and 198 arrows. You click the arrows twice and drop your two cows. Your two hundred cows run away before you can pick them back up. You have no cows.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (7): You search the internet for two cows, but don't find any you like. You wish you could use the Construction Set so you could make your own cows.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (8): You have a ridiculous amount of options to customize your cows' faces, but you end up only seeing the face, which you spent an hour on, in the inventory.

The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion (9): You saw two cows the other day, horrible creatures, you avoid them whenever you can.

The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind: You have two cows. A mysterious assassin comes after them so you must find out why but you are given almost no direction on where to go. You become a werewolf vampire and kill everyone.

The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind (2): You have three cows. But you only see one of them unless you buy expansion pack.

The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall: You have two cows. Your class doesn't allow you to equip the first one and the other one's material is innefective.

The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (2): You have two cows. This was fixed with the v1.69 patch.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (3): You have two cows. This will probably crash the game.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (4): You have two cows. Unless you've increased the objmemsize in your Z.cfg the game will begin to eat your inventory.
The Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall (5): You have one cow. Your game will still probably crash.

Elite Beat Agents: Cows are...GO!!

Enfos Team Survival (Tournament Edition): Your cows get owned sooner or later, but the enemy cows get overrun even faster by vicious creeps so you can win this even without any cows left. (You secretly wish to kill some cows instead of creeps, so you don't vote for regame and leave to play DOTA)

Eternal Darkness: You have three cows. They build huge underground cities inhabited by demented udder shaped creatures beneath your mansion. Their milk causes you to go insane. You spend a week transversing between different eras, cowntries and parallel timelines to defeat the 3 cows in turn. You learn that a 4th cow was manipulating you all along to unleash himself on the world and there is nothing you can do. You turn off the cownsole and wish you had bought that Pixies album instead.

Eternal Lands: You have two cows that you get to play with for free, but you can't have them helping each other or you'll get banned. You make a killing running errands for people whose cows are antisocial and explore a massive pasture that is nearly uninhabited. All people on the chat lines talk about is how much better the pastures in Eternal Lands are than those in Runescape.

Eve of the Apocalypse: You have two cows. Opponents control all obelisks and cowspawn locations. You decide to play DOTA again.

EvE Online: You have two cows. One gets nerfed and becomes unplayable. Then the node crashes. Pirates kill your Cows and steal your TI milk. You can't log in. The node dies. You have 2 cows.

EvE Online (2): You have two cows. One of the cows spends 2 and a half years infiltrating your farm, before he sells all your equipment and pods your other cow. The cow writes a long history of it's infiltration. The history is then cross-posted onto other farming journals where people laugh at how the cow wasted all that time on you.

Evil Genius: You have three cows. You build a barracks, recruit twenty-eight more cows, and send fifteen cows to Northern China to steal a Ming vase. The Chinese government sends six bulls to kill you.

Everquest: /sit; /camp; It will take 30 seconds to prepare your camp...; It will take 25 seconds to prepare your camp...; GandalfKevin yells for help; GandalfKevin says 'Help!"; Cow1 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'; Cow2 says 'You have ruined your own lands, you will not ruin mine!!'; Cow1 crushes YOU for 217 points of damage!; You are stunned.; Cow2 crushes YOU for 204 points of damage!; Cow1 crushes YOU for 325 points of damage!; Cow2 crushes YOU for 880 points of damage!; Cow1 tries to hit YOU, but misses!; You are stunned.; Cow1 crushes YOU for 440 points of damage!; Cow2 crushes YOU for 544 points of damage!; You have been slain by Cow2!; LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...; You have entered Freeport.; Gandalfkevin tells you 'Sorry'; You reply to Gandalfkevin 'Asshole"; /shout "Can I get a SoW for CR please!?'

Everquest (2): You have two cows. LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

[edit] F

F-Zero: Wild Cow; Pilot: Farmer Pico; Beef: B; Milk: D; Horns: C; Weight: 500kg

Fable: You have two cows. Cow 1 kills cow 2's family, and cow 2 goes after cow 1, finding out his family is alive, but killing cow 1 anyway.

Fable (2): You have two cows. Check the guild for two more cows............Check the guild for two more cows.................check the guild......

Fable (3): Hero, your two cows are low, do you you have some potions, or food?

Fable (4): You have two cows, one is some cow that you happened to pass by, and they instantly loved you. The other, you just want to bring home to milk, but you can't because "they need a wedding ring first."

Fable (5): You have two cows, one is light and one is dark. You are light. The dark cow is signifiacntly more powerful, but will scare people and make you evil as well. The light cow looks ridicuolusly stupid, or is really ugly, and will scare people anyway.

Fable (6): You have two cows. Try to get your cow multiplier even higher.

Fallout: You have two Brahmin, for a total of 4 cow heads.

Fallout (2): You only have one cow. But it has two heads.

Fallout 2: Cows. Two cows never changes.

Fallout 2 (2): You have two cows. Myron knows where you can get more cows. Threaten to abandon his sorry ass, he'll spill.

Fallout 2 (3): The federal government has kidnapped your cows. It is your job to get them back. Instead you sleep with the daughter and wife of a local crime lord and become a boxing champion.

Fallout 3: You have two cows and massive debts. You sell the rights to make a third cow to an prominent, treacherous developer. The internet community foams at the mouth and sends the new company death threats.

Far Cry: You have two cows on a boat. Some people blow up the boat, and the cows float onto a nearby island. They are transformed into mutants while you try to rescue them. You are thoroughly disappointed.

FBI Hostage Rescue: You had two cows, but they were kidnapped. They cannot be rescued, unfortunately, because they are too stupid to follow you.

F.E.A.R.: You have two cows. You have a hallucination of them being eaten by blood-stained psychics.

F.E.A.R. (2): Two cows wearing gas masks see you. They push over a couch and hide behind it, while yelling random profanities. They fire at you from behind the couch. The milk squirts that miss you create giant holes in the wall.

FFORPG: You have two cows. The cows kill a lvl 82 Gigan Cow, dropping green milk. Some n00b touches the milk with a full inventory. Now you can't get the milk.

Fifa Football: You have two cows. Every year you have to get two more cows and leave last year's ones to die. The new cows aren't really much better than last year's, but you need to have them because all your friends have some.

Final Fantasy: You have two cows. Only one cow was released in America because the company executives underestimated the popularity of cows in the American market.

Final Fantasy (2): No one touches my two cows!! MILK WARRIORS?? You impertinent fools. I, Garland, will knock all your cows down!!

Final Fantasy IV: YOU SPOONY COW! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Final Fantasy V: You have two cows. They control the void.

Final Fantasy V (2): You have two cows, you change their classes using the power of the crystals, teach them all $toss and wtfpwn the final boss.

Final Fantasy VI: You have two cows. You put one in a test tube and drain all its energy, making it suffer, and you kill the other and suck its energy after it died. You compare your results, discover that the second test worked better, and eat a nice, steak dinner.

Final Fantasy VI (2): AHEM! There's SAND on my TWO COWS!

Final Fantasy VI (3): You have two cows. Kefka Kills Your Cows BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!.

Final Fantasy VI (4): You pitiful two cows! You sound like cows out of a self help booklet!

Final Fantasy VII: You have two cows. Their milk is the energy that keeps the Planet alive.

Final Fantasy VII (2): You have two cows. Masses of fanboys come and trample them.

Final Fantasy VII (3): You have two cows. Theyre Basically just Cubes With Sticks For Legs.

Final Fantasy VII (4): You see that cow? To you, it looks like an ordinary cow. But I see a golden shiny cow of hope.

Final Fantasy VII (5): Sit your two cows asses down in those chairs and drink some goddamn MILK!

Final Fantasy VII (6): You have two cows. One of them dies, but everybody around the world thinks you can revive it somehow.

Final Fantasy VIII: You have two cows. ...whatever.

Final Fantasy VIII (2): You have two cows. One exists in the present, and the other exists in the future and possesses the present cow. You come to realize they are actually the same cow, but you kill the future one anyway.

Final Fantasy IX: You have two cows. They have a mission to disrupt the life cycle of the cow.

Final Fantasy IX (2): You have two cows. Do they have tasty munchies?

Final Fantasy X: You have two cows. One of them is just a dream. The other has been dead the entire game.

Final Fantasy X (2): You have two cows. Sin kills them for using machina.

Final Fantasy XI: You start the game and are given two cows. You find out that it takes roughly 1 million cows to level up and roughly 5 million cows to get decent equipment. You quit the game in a day, finding out that only 10 people on your server have this many cows.

Final Fantasy XI (2): You sell cows and speak poor English. Everyone hates you.

Final Fantasy X-2: Shinra tells you you have two cows. He doesn't know what that means because he's just a kid. People are dancing.

Final Fantasy X-2 (2): You have two cows. One wants to destroy the world using Vegnacow, and the other has been comatose underwater all this time.

Final Fantasy XII: You have two cows. Unfortunately, you don't have the license to use two cows.

Final Fantasy XII (2): You have two cows. One tells only lies, and the other is BASCH FON RONSENBURG OF DALMASCA!!

Final Fantasy Tactics: You have 26 main cows, 83 secondary cows, and several hundred other cows, all of whose names you need to learn in the first chapter. Every cow is using and being manipulated by at least eight other cows. The cows all worship St. Ajora. You turn your enemy's cows into slowed stopped powerless magicless chicken frogs, steal their items, and then hit your own cows for experience.

Final Fantasy Tactics (2): Thanks to two cows, we were successful!

Final Fantasy Tactics (3): You have a party of cows. Wiegraf pwns you, since you failed to obtain Chameleon Robe/Feather Boots/Yell. And you have no save point to go back to. You still have a party of cows that are waiting to help you on command, but you are dead.

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: You have two cows. The laws forbid that you have the two cows. Judges arrest you and you are sent to jail.

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (2): You have two cows. New cow seeks membership in the herd! Welcome cow to herd? The cow left crying.

Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword (1): Udder-gal, the Dark Druid, is trying to summon 2 cows so he can take their quintessence and have enough power to rule the Moo-rld. Elihooves' father, the Marquis of Pher-graze, goes missing, Ellihooves must go on a quest to save his father...and the world.

Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword (2): A long time ago, cows and men lived in peace. But this was disrupted when the men made a sudden milking spree on the cows. This started a war, called the Scowring, and eventually eight legendary moo-roes banished the cows to the Cow Realm past Cow's Gate. It turns out later in the game that Ninian and Nils were really...2 cows all along.

Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones: The nation of Graze-do has invaded their neighbor Moonais. The 2 royal cows,Moophraim and Moorika, must go on a dangerous quest to find out the dark secret that tore their pastures apart.

Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance: You have two cows. One activates a ridiculously overpowered skill and the other falls over, but it turns out that the second cow was just letting the first cow win.

Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn: You have two cows. The first cow is actually half-horse, but is still the older sister of the second cow who is a normal cow.

Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War: Sir Sigmoond goes on an epic quest to save his 2 childhood cows from an evil milking machine only to be dragged into a large-scale milk war. When he dies, his calf Moolice and a mysterious calf named Moolia take his place as the saviors of the pasture.

[Fire Escape]: You have two cows, I mean roasted steaks which you have no time to eat beca- OMG THE FOREST IS ON FIRE!!!

Fire Escape (2): You have two cows, which abruptly erupt into flames along with every single tree around you.

Flicky: You have two calfs. You need to collect them and get them to the barn while avoiding the bulls.

Football Manager: Your starting lineup contains two shithot cow regens. You pile the pressure on the opposition but they score in the last minute of injury time with their only shot at goal. You restart the game.

Footman Frenzy: You are located in one corner and have an upgradable main contioniously spawning upgradable cows. Together with your two allies you start serious shit with your nine opponents in the mid and all your cows get owned simultaniously by one scepter of shockwaves. When you finally have the money for tier 2 cow - to - tauren - upgrade, your team gets crushed by one single [unbalanced T_T] uber - jaood - stealth - abuser - cow (?) with mask of death and five claws of attack.

[edit] G

G-Darius: You have two cows, but they look like fish.

Galaga: You have two cows stampeding at you. You move aside to avoid them, but one comes back at you from behind and tramples you.

Gauntlet Legends: Two cows need food, badly!

Gears Of War: You have four cows. One chainsaws the other one in half, while another curb stomps another cow. The Locust Cows win the match again.

Genji 2: Uhh, Genji 2 is an ashun game which is based on cow history. So here's this giant enemy cow. What I'll do is use Benkei here...to...flip over this cow onto its back...if he shows up. I'll switch over to Yoshitsune, hop on its udders, and you milk its weak point for massive damage.

Genji 2 (2): ... Real time... Cow change...

Giants : Citizen Kabuto: You capture 2 wild cows and use their milk as energy for your jetpack. Then you watch a funny clip where a big cow named KabutoCow rapes you and your cows and eats you to replenish his heath.

Giga Wing: You have two cows. You activate your reflect shield and they bounce off and hit the enemy that shot them. Then they turn into gold medals.

God of War: Seeing Kratos' bad-assyness in the game with the combined horrors of Greek Mythology, we all know what's going to happen to them poor two cows.

God of War (2): You had two cows, but killed them when Ares made you go on a mad murder frenzy. You are now on a journey to avenge your two cows.

God of War II: You have two cows. You cut one's head off and use it to bludgeon the other one while gratuitous amounts of blood fly everywhere. You then force feed the cow your swords while kicking it so hard that it's intestines come out through its nose.

The Godfather, The Game: You have forty cows. If the cops ask how you have forty cows you bribe him. If he declines you lead-pipe his ass into oblivion.

Godzilla: Save the Earth: You have two cows. Rodan flies circles around them burns them with his heat breath, then flies towards them too fast for them to react and scratches them with his claws.

Golden Sun: You have two cows. Their farmland is destroyed by a giant rock and your other cow was kidnapped. Your spiky-haired cow must rescue your other cow so you can have two cows again.

Golden Sun 2 TLA: You have two cows. You go with them to try to do the entire bloody prequel so you can fight Dullahan.

Golden Sun 2 TLA (2): You had two cows. One jumped off a lighthouse to save the other, survived, and is now saving the world.

Gradius: SPEED COW | COW MISSLE | DOUBLE COWS | COW LASER | COWPTION | COW?

Gradius 2: DESTROY THE COW!

Gradius 3: You have two cows. They shoot the same weapons and missiles as you do and follow you in a trail. A scorpion thing flies across the screen and steals one of your cows.

Gradius Gaiden: You have two cows. They are different colored and each one fires different weapons. They can also rearrange their power meters. Unfortuantely, by the late 90's, nobody gave a shit about Gradius anymore, so they didn't get released in North America.

Granado Espada: Unfortunately, the enchantment failed and you lost two cows.

Grand Theft Auto: You have two cows. You insert weapons cheat #7, load cow #1 up with 600kg of explosives, and blow him up. A police officer walks by, and does nothing. You then beat cow #2 to death with a baseball bat. Again, a police officer walks by, and does nothing. You bump into a police officer, and gain a six star wanted level, and are taken down by 16,978 SWATs dropped from helicopters.

Grand Theft Auto: You have two cows. Hot Coffee Modddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!

Grand Theft Auto San Andreas: You pull the driver off his cow and ride it back to Grove Street, pick up your girlfriend, ride the cow around a neighborhood she likes, then take her home for some "Hot Coffee". Meanwhile, Ballas steal your cow parked outside her house.

Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (2): You have two cows in your garage. You don't ever use them, because they are way too hard to find and you might lose them. So they collect dust in your garage, while you take Sweet's car over to Big Smoke's house.

Grand Theft Auto San Andreas (3): You have two cows that are on opposite sides of your map and they want you to do favors for them. You promptly ignore them, and go gun down gang memebers, steal cars, use jetpack/weapons cheats, and hang out at the strip club. Shortly afterwords, you grow bored of the game, and never finish the story. Wait....what story? There's a story?

Grandia: You have two overrated, easily predictable cows. They travel to the end of the world, but one gets seasick and goes home. The other one gets a happy ending.

Grandia II: You have two cows. Both of these cows are the same person, but one's an evil demigoddess and the other's a priestess. Your main cow is caught between the two, and has an older cow brother of no real significance, except to use an attack that looks exactly like one used in the previous game. Drama ensues.

Grim Fandango: You have two cows. Not picking that up.

Guild Wars: 6/8 GLF 2 healing cows for mission and bonus

Guild Wars (2): You start out with one cow, but you get to choose a secondary cow to round out your cowracter. You can change your secondary cow later if you want to.

Guild Wars (3): You have two cows. You used to be able to solo with one cow, but then it had its milk nerfed in the latest patch, so now you have to use both.

Guild Wars Prophecies: You had two cows, but they were Warrior/Monks and they Aggro'd every enemy in the instance.

Guild Wars Factions: You had two cows, But they were Assassins, so they died before you could milk them.

Guild Wars Nightfall: You have two cows. You could milk them but the game puts you up against level 15 enemies when you're only 8-10 so you can't milk them.

Guilty Gear: You have two cows:one is in red, badass, powerful and he is secretly the Guilty CowGear.The other one is in blue, boring, Christian and powerful. For some reasons they start a fight...LET'S ROCK!

Guitar Hero: You have two cows. One is singing, which is REALLY FUCKING DISTRACTING BECAUSE YOUR OTHER ONE IS TRYING TO FUCKING PLAY THE GUITAR.

Guitar Hero 2: You have two cows. People call you a cheater because they run at Hyper Speed.

Guitar Hero 2 (2): You have two cows. Cow A has a hard time passing milk, while Cow B has a messed up udder and is hard to produce 5-star quality milk.

Gungrave: You have two cows. One of them runs a mafia organization full of white demons. The other one is a corpse that will move when filled with blood.

Gunstar Heroes: You have two bulls. They run around shooting stuff and making cool explosions.

[edit] H

Half-Life: You have 2 cows. They are both mute, although no one seems to notice. They also kill aliens with crowbars.

Half-Life (2): You have two cows, one of which has an inexplicable degree of skill with firearms, and the other dies in the resonance cascade.

Half-Life (3): You have two cows. They both get headcrabs and become HEADCRAB ZOMBIES and you are forced to kill them with a crowbar.

Half-Life 2: You have 2 cows. They have something to do with teleportation. But you don't give a damn, all you care is that they're evil. Even though they say they are aiding the human race's evolution.

Half-Life 2 (2): You have 2 cows. The Combine takes them and turns one into a synth and the other in to a stalker cow.

Half-Life 2: Episode 1: You have two cows. You get pissed off because you have to do an escort mission and they keep dying.

Half-Life 2: Episode 2: You have two cows. One of them carries a garden gnome and gets shot with a helicopter, while the other one just sits in a car the entire time. That cow's father totally deserved it.

Half-Life 2: Garry's Mod: You have two cows. You team up with a few friends, then you put a thruster in the cow's butt, make it fly around in a funny way, make a video out of it, then upload it to YouTube.

Half-Life 2: Garry's Mod (2): You have two cows. You use the face poser to make them smile, then set them on fire. Hilarious!

Halo: You have two cows. The Cowvenant has 3,000 warships circling a mysterious ring that (loading please wait) turns out to be a research facility built by the Cowrunners to study the Flood, a particularly nasty variant of Mad Cow Disease. You shoot them all only to relise you left your CowHog behind, the only reason you gave a shite in the first place.

Harvester: You have two cows. They get trapped in a town full of sociopathic versions of 1950s stereotypes who keep telling the two of them they're going to get married. The boy cow commits theft, arson, blackmail, and murder in his efforts to join a local secret society. After killing even more people in a variety of gruesome ways, he eventually learns the whole set-up is a virtual reality experiment to give him mad cow disease.

Harvest Moon: In this game, you actually have two cows. They do normal cow-like things. Damn cows.

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life: You have two cows. One cow is a bull. The bull is too young to produce calves, so the actual cow must be artificially inseminated.

Heroes of Might & Magic: Astrologers proclaim the Month of the Cow. Cow population doubles!

Hitman: You have one cow. It is a genetically-engineered killing machine that likes to steal other cows' clothes.

Hitman 2: You have one cow. It is shot by guards for running while indoors.

Hitman 2 (2): You have one cow. It kills a guard cow and wears its clothes. No one seems to notice the new guard cow with the inconspicuous brand on the back of its head, nor do they notice the disappearance of the old cow guard.

Hoshigami: Ruining Blue Earth: You have two cows. One of them turned out to be a double agent from the beginning of the story. You can place 7 cows on the grazing field, but there are twice as many enemy cows and the milking procedure is very complicated. The DS version can be adjusted for novice farmers.

Hotel Mario: If you need instructions on how to milk your cows, check out the enclosed instruction book.

Hotel Mario (2): Aha, here's the problem: Too many cows! You know what they say: All cows milk milk!

The House of the Dead: You have two cows. They get experimented on and turned into zombies. You shoot them into raw ground beef.

The House of the Dead 2: You have two cows. They are destroying the world so you send out hordes of zombies to kill them.

The House of the Dead 3: You have two cows. One of them trips a security laser. A zombie security bull finds your two cows and they go on a long drawn-out boss batle.

The House of the Dead 4: You have two cows. They get grabbed by a six-legged zombie bull with a long tongue, and you must shake their udders to free them.

[edit] I

Ikaruga: You have two cows, one black and one white. The black one has to eat black grass, and the white one has to eat white grass. If one of them touches opposite-color grass, that cow explodes.

Ikaruga (2): WARNING! The big enemy is approaching at full throttle. According to the data, it is idenified as two Butsutekkows.

Ikaruga (3): You have only one cow, but it changes colour between black and white when you tip it.

Image Fight: You have two cows. One is red and shoots in any direction, and one is blue and only shoots forward. Then you get carpal tunnel syndrome from mashing the fire button 20,000 times because this game doesn't have fucking auto-fire.

Initial D: Arcade Stage 4: You have two cows. You milk them too fast and their udders lock. You shift down, step on their udders, and shift up, and this solves the problem.

Insaniquarium: You have two cows, which for the most part, lead comfortable lives as you feed them, they grow, and then they shit out money. But when you least expect it, a vortex opens up, an alien come out and eat your cows until you have no cows left and then the alien eats you.

In The Groove: You have two cows. They are superior to their Japanese counterparts in every way. Eventually they are slaughtered by their counterparts' owner.

In The Groove 2: MILK DEPLETED. COWS FAILED.

I Wanna Be The Guy: YOU JUMPED INTO TWO COWS. YOU RETARD!

[edit] J

Any Jak game after the first one: You have two cows. One complains that his name isn't on the title anymore.

Jak II: You have two cows. They get lost in a time portal, and one ends up in a prison cell for two years getting tortured, while the other gets a job as an exterminator and works "really hard" to find the first.

Jak II: You have two cows. They get stuck on a mission, and end up running around beating people up and stealing pimped out hover cars in a futuristic, albeit dystrophic environment.

Jungle Strike: Same as Desert Strike except each field you enter looks different from the last.

[edit] K

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men: You have two cows, they get a Gamespot reviewer fired.

Katamari Damacy: Two cows? If they were our cows, we would have made them much bigger. Don't worry. It is not your fault. It is our fault for believing in you.

Katamari Damacy (2): Cows? Two of them? How disturbing! We have no idea what you're talking about.

Katamari Damacy (3): You have two cows. You also have three policemen, two turtledoves (I wont finish that joke), The Sistine Chapel, a crapload of igloos, some kind of random chickeny type thing and ?! Who's this now?? Why, it's second cousin Daisy! Good God, Daisy. do stop getting in the way. You later turn them all into stardust to see the pretty lightshow. You are far too easily amused.

Kid Icarus: You have a cow with wings. For years it goes by unnoticed. Then it's given a lot of hype, and a new look, with detachable horns, an Akira Toriyama hairstyle, and bicycle shorts.

Killer 7: Here comes two Cow Smiles. You shoot them seventeen times each with your revolver. They bleed impossibly large amounts of blood. You laugh. You use their blood as ammo. I don't get it either.

Killer Instinct: C-C-C-Cowmbo Breaker!

Kingdom Hearts: You have two cows. One specializes in magic, the other in defense. They idiotically waste all your potions on each other even though they're not too badly damaged. You realize you shoud've set their potion usage to "Only in emergencies".

Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories: You had two cows, but they ran away. You go into a castle where said cows may or may not be, and lose your memories. You then battle through seemingly familiar lands while really just climbing the floors of said castle. You are bombarded by bulls and at one point a cow with antennae, who tease you relentlessly. You think that one cow is really a different cow, and find the other cow, who isn't really a cow at all. You kill the rest of the fscking bulls and then take a long nap.

Kingdom Hearts 2: You have two cows. One yells "I GOTHKP IT!" And the other does a shield ride.

Kingdom Hearts 2 (2): You have two cows. T-W-O C-O-W-S. Got it memorized?

Kingdom Hearts 2 (3): You didn't play that last game, so now you're lost when the Cowbodies and the Cowless start fighting you. Then you realize the cow you defeated in the first game was not the real cow, but a guy who worked with Cow the Wise, also, he split into Cowless Cow and Cowbody Cow, who rules over Organization Cowteen.

You give up on the storyline and hit things with your Cowblade.

Kingdom Hearts 2 (4): You have two cows. GET UP ON THE TWO COW'S BACKS!

Kingdom Hearts 2 (5): You had two cows, but you took a nap and now think you're someone else. You then go wake yourself up, and seemingly cease to exist, but become yourself instead. Two cows join you on your journey to find the cow you lost, having previously saved the other cow. The other cow gets kidnapped by your forgotten friend who calls you a traitor, but the cow runs away and gets kidnapped by a bunch of bulls who want to be cows. The cow you were looking for shows up and saves the other cow, then helps you fight the bug evil bull in Udder Land. You then proceed to fall out of the sky into the ocean and are reunited with all previous cows.

Kingdom Hearts 2 (6): You have two cows. Sometimes a third cow joins your party, and some of them are really strong. Except Moolan when she works under the name of Ping. She doesn't do very much.

Kingdom Hearts 2 (7): You know those two cows? Those cows that we worked REEEEEALY hard to defeat?

Kingdom of Loathing: You have cow(2). You complain that this makes hardcore easier.

Kingdom of Loathing (2): You have two extremely angry cows. Everybody hates those goddamned cows.

Kingdom of Loathing (3): Cowtember's Item of the Month: Slightly Peeved Cow.

Kingdom of Loathing (4): You have 2 cows. You get 9 more. It's ridiculous. It's not even funny.

King of Fighters 2002: Pick up your two cows!

King of Fighters 2002 (2): You have three cows. One by one, they get their asses whipped by Yamazaki. You smash the game to pieces in a fit of berserker rage.

Kirby: You have two cows. One cow sucks up the other cow and gains super-milking powers. It squirts milk into the baddies' faces and saves Dairyland.

Kirby Air Ride: You have two cows. Cow A goes really fast but doesn't turn well, nor glides well. Cow B glides really high but cannot charge. You ditch them both and play as Metaknight.

Kirby Air Ride (2): You have two cows. They fly around and spin a lot, but they don't have much use besides that. You wonder why you didn't buy Super Smash Bros.: Melee instead of this.

Kirby's Dreamland: You have one cow. You eat it and become one yourself.

Kirby's Dream Land 3: You have a cow which will follow you around if you press the wrong damn button, eating everything that you want to eat, until you eat it yourself. You also have another cow which you may ride if you're feeling too ballsy to ride a fish or a hamster. How many cows do you have? Yep, two cows - but what does it matter? They're drawn in pastel and you're too young to appreciate that.

Kirby's Adventure: You have two cows. They are released again for the Game Cow Advance under the title of Kirby: Cow in Dreamland.

Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil: You have two cows. They speak in a language that probably doesn't really exist, but it has a really crazy storyline and awesome background music, so nobody's going to notice.

Knights of the Old Republic: You have no cows, and no clothes. You bash a container open using nothing but your fists just so people will stop being all pissy at you for having no clothes. The cow you've been searching all this time was really you all the time.

Knights of the Old Republic (2): You could spend thirty hours getting two cows, but the Peragus II level sucks so you turn off your PC.

Knytt: You pass by 2 cows.

KoC: You have been recruited into Cowperson42321's Army! Cowperson42321 is building an army of cows and there are currently 2 cows in Cowperson42321's war machine.

The Legend of Kyrandia: You had two cows. An evil jester kills them with a steak knife. You walk around and whine about your missing cows. The jester defeats himself and you get to rule over all cows.

Kyrandia 2: Hand of Fate: You have two cows. One of them gets erased from existence. You whine as you travel to the center of the world to try stop cow dissapearance.

Kyrandia 3: Malcolm's Revenge: You have no cows, because the cows in the first Kyrandia *really* were yours, and the steak knife was cursed. You walk around making fun of the other two cow-holders while trying to clear your name until you do something stupid. A squirrel drags your body off.

[edit] L

La-Mulana: You have two cows. You beat the Hell Temple and are presented with a picture of them in skimpy suits. Then you equip Contra and F1 Spirit 3D and kill yourself.

The Legend of Zelda: DODONCOW DISLIKES SMOKE. LET'S PLAY MILK MAKING GAME.

Link: The Faces of Evil: Join me, Link, and I will make your cows the greatest in Cowridai! Or else they will die!

Link: The Faces of Evil: It is written here only Link can defeat two cows.

Link: The Faces of Evil: I just wonder what two cows are up to!

The Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past: You have two cows. Unfortunately, in order to use them against the forces of evil, you must first awaken seven reincarnated cow sages, collect five milk crystals, and rebuild the Tricow.

The Legend of Zelda - Link's Awakening: Your two cows are a dream.

The Legend of Zelda - Link's Awakening: You need to go wake up the two Wind Cows in the giant egg on top of the mountain and kill the shadows inside so you can escape the dream island you're trapped on.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time: You race two cows. You use a GameShark to get to the Lost Woods in 0 seconds, only to get beaten by your cows by 1 second.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (2): You have 200 cows, most of which are situated at various locations throughout the world, many of them in places you'll never find without playing some sort of instrument. You're only allowed to keep one of these cows in your house.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (3): You don't have two Cows because they are being held by the princess and the bad guy. You only have the Cow of Courage, and you don't find out you have it for seven years. That's pretty sucky.

The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time (4): You see two cows you play Epona's song two cows give you milk.

The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask: You and your cows will be crushed by the moon in three days.

The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask: You had two cows. One ran away. You are emo because of the cow that ran away, and set of with your remaining cow to find it, resulting in said remaining cow being stolen.

The Legend of Zelda - Majora's Mask: The moon has two cows. You spend three neverending days fighting trick-or-treaters, find the cow that was stolen, and are then eaten by the moon, immediately following which you go on an acid trip, then continue to search for the lost cow.

The Legend of Zelda - The Minish Cap: You got two cows that are green and you don't want to milk them all in one place.

The Legend of Zelda - Twilight Princess: Your two cows are now wolves.

Zelda: The Wand of Gamoolon: You dare bring two cows to my lair? YOU MUST DIE!!

Zelda: The Wand of Gamoolon: I'm so hungry, I could eat two cows!

The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker: You got two cows! Your health meter has increased by one point!

The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (2): You have one cow and you need to sail for another 20 minutes to find the other one

The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (3): Your two cows drowned hundreds of years ago, you now have two pigs.

The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (4): Windfall Island has one cow because the other was smashed by Ganon.

The Legend of Zelda - The Wind Waker (5): You are tone deaf, but still try to play a melody for your two cows using a stick. They flee into the ocean and drown.

Leisure Suit Larry: You have two cows. One is dressed up like a tree, and the other is......um.........wow.

Little Big Adventure 2: Could you help me treat my two injured cows?

Loom: The Shephard's Guild has two cows. You turn them a bright green color with an E-C-D-E *twinkletwinkletwinkletwinkle*

Lords of Magic: You have two cows. You may put them to work producing resources in your capital, or you may have them research Spells in your Mage Tower's Library.

Lost Vikings: You had 2D cows. Now they got lost in a dimensional vortex and you must rescue them.

Luigi's Mansion: You have two cows. One is a vacuum cleaner that sucks up ghosts. The other is a flashlight. You have to catch all the ghosts in the mansion to save your brother who is always the star in the games.

Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete: Hmm hmm hmm....Not two cows, dear Quark. MAGIC EMPEROR COWS!

Lusternia: Ackleberry Highway approaching Magnagora. (road).; It is raining heavily, pregnant drops of water pouring down onto you. There are 2 cows here.; You bump into a cow as it wanders aimlessly in a circle.; Your sense of smell is assaulted by a pile of steaming dung.

[edit] M

Any Mario game: You have two cows. You stomp on both of them without hitting the ground and gain 100 and 200 points.

Super Mario Bros.: Your two cows are in another castle.

Super Mario Bros. 2: You have a cow and a goat. The cow is released in Japan. The goat gets redone to look like a cow and is released in North America.

Super Mario Bros. 3: You have two cows. You hit the block that they are on and steal their giant shoes.

Super Mario World: You have one green cow with a really long tongue.

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island: You are one green cow with a really long tongue.

Super Mario 64: You have two cows. You run circles around one of them until coins pop out of it.

Super Mario 64 (2): You have two cows, but they are both trapped in the walls of the castle.

Super Mario 64 (3): You have two cows. One of them has stolen your hat and revealed why you never take it off. Ever.

Super Mario 64 (4): You hear there's two cows on the roof of the barn. You get 120 stars during the course of your childhood and get to the roof of the barn. The cows jump in a lake.

Super Mario Sunshine: You have two cow-shaped piles of goop. You spray them with water and they dissolve. Milk Get!

Super Mario Sunshine (2): You have two cows, but that won't help you bring back the sunlight.

New Super Mario Bros.: You have two cows. One of them is a well-established cow who gets skeletonized by some lava even though it has survived lava before. The other one is some poser cow that is made the main villain for some reason.

Magi Nation: You have two cows. One of them has no legs and floats around laughing insanely while building huge black towers.

Magi Nation 2: Shaddup Zet! I'm in charge and I say we have two cows!

Majesty: You have two cows who have been charmed by Fervus' priests. You set a reward on an evil lair. Because of their oblivious manner, the cows don't even bother.

Maple Story: You have two horn-covered cows, otherwise known as "Horny Cows." You attack them and get misses. One of them touches you and you lose 95% of your HP.

Maple Story (2): You have two cows, and decide to sell them for 5 mil each @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Maple Story (3): You have two cows. One is you and the other is your friend.

/find cow

                                                                                                           'Cow' is currently at 'Hidden Street : You'.
                                                                                                                        DANG!

MapleStory (4): You meet someone who wants to sell their two cows to you at an outrageous price. You refuse. They call you a noob.

MapleStory (5): Your two cows go to train. Two hours later, they have gained 5% XP. They then complain about the slow leveling rate on forums and quit the game.

Mario Kart DS: You have two cows. One of them snakes to victory and calls snaking legitimate. The other makes up excuses like how it's only supposed to be done on corners and how it's cheating because he doesn't know how to snake. They take it to GameFAQs and argue their way to a 500-post topic within minutes.

Mario Kart Double Dash!: You have two cows. One is trying to drive while the other just presses 'L and R' to throw you off course.

Mario Kart 64: You have two cows. Both of them jumped while driving on the massive hill on Rainbow Road and overshot the actual "road" bit.

Marvel Vs Capcom: You have two cows. One plays the game skillfully while the other complains about getting dizzy.

Masters of Orion: You design your own cows with cow components that you research. Because you made your cows so big and expensive, you can only afford two cows. The sound glitches out. Your foe threatens you, telling you to pay them negative money or they'll attack. Your ally breaks their alliance for no particular reason and assaults your barn with a fleet of 0 small cows, MAXINT medium-sized cows, and -2814 large cows. The game crashes, but hey, it was fun.

Math Blaster: Sorry, one cow plus one cow doesn't equal three cows! YOU LOSE.

Mechwarrior 4: You had two cows, but Steiner cows came and killed them. Now you must kill their cows on a moon, in the snow, in the desert, in a swamp, and in the city. The Steiner cows then kill your sister.

Mechwarrior 4: Black Knight: You have no cows, and then you have one, and then Steiner cow kills your cow, AGAIN, and then you kill the Dresari cow and then the Steiner cow. You are only cow left.

Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries: You buy really expensive cowmechs, but the stupid cow pilots don't listen. You go to kill the enemy cows, to find your cows aren't following you. The enemy cows then tear you to shreds.

Total War Series: One cow builds up a huge army and attacks the other cow. They both die from computer lag

Mega Man: You start with no cows, just a robotic dog. You defeat TwoCows Man. You got: Two Cows! You defeat Santa Man. You got: A Frickin' Sweet New Bike!

Mega Man (2): You start with no cows. There are eight evil cows, all of which are weak to one of the other cows. You fight them all again at the end of the game.

Mega Man X: You start with no cows. This time, the eight evil cows are suppposedly more powerful, but you can't se a difference when you fight them.

Mega Man X (2): You have an evil cow. A good cow kills the cow, but it gets revived by the next game using advanced technology. The hero kills the cow again and it comes back stronger, despite being damaged even worse than last time. This happens 8 times without fail.

Mega Man Zero: You start with no cows and have to go on missions. At the end of each mission an evil cow fights you. Then you find out the cows are not actually evil, just being controlled by an evil farmer who wants to control all the farms. Despite this, it still feels like Capcom is still trying to milk the series (excuse the pun) for all it's worth.

Mega Man Legends: You have two cows. They are the same as the last gazillion cows except in 3D.

Mega Man Battle Network: You have a cow and several hundred cookies. You give the cow cookies to power it up so it can defeat evil cows trying to destroy your farm. Oh, and it's not a real cow, it's on your computer.

Ryusei no Rockman/Mega Man Star Force: You have a field of cows. Aliens are trying to beam them up so they can hypnotize the cows into doing their bidding, and one alien has betrayed his own kind and is helping one of your cows to save all the other cows. But you don't know any of this because the cows speak Japanese. In the end you abandon the farm and buy a new, but identical, one with cows that speak english, all because you were too impatient to wait until that was available in the first place. Sucks being a fanboy, doesn't it?

Metal Gear Solid: You infiltrate an enemy base with no cows. Both of your cows are in the same place, but you get one now, and come back for the other halfway through the first disk.

Metal Gear Solid (2): Cow? COW?! COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of liberty: You have two cows. The Patriots know you have two cows, how old those cows are, their genders, blood types, the fact that cow #2 has a blind left eye, and is planning for you to sell these cows in 34.253243 days.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater: TWO COWS BATTLE!!!!!! OLIOLIOLIOHH!!!!

Metal Gear Solid 4: You have two cows. One is... Getting really old, and... Uh... What?

Metal Wolf Chaos: Why do you have two cows? Because you are the President of the great United States of America! YEEEARGHHH!!!

Metroid: You have one bull. You are shocked to learn that after raising it for ten years it is actually a cow. Now everyone knows its a cow it isn't cool anymore.

Metroid (2): You have two cows. One fires a vast array of beam-type weapons, and the other shoots missiles. Then a Metroid latches on to you and drains your energy.

Metroid (3): You have two cows. You beat the game in under one hour. They take their robotic armor off.

Metroid 2: Return of Samus: You have two cows. You shoot one of the cows and a lake of lava suddenly gets lower. The other cow sheds its skin and starts shooting lightning bolts.

Super Metroid: After killing all the rest of them, you deliver the last two cow hatchlings to a space station from which they are then stolen by space pirates. Find the two cow hatchlings!

Super Metroid (2): You have two cows. They can't cross a collapsing bridge with spikes above it because they don't know that there is a run button.

Metroid Fusion: Eh, the two cows probably got infected by the X Parasite already.

Metroid Prime: You have two cows fully equipped with ten swollen, powerful udders. Both cows are exploring a mysterious abandoned barn when a small explosion occurs, leaving both cows with only a single small, weak udder.

Metroid Prime (2): You have two cows. You get into an unlikely accident and lose them both. You spend the rest of the game getting them back.

Metroid Zero Mission: You have a Cow, it seemingly beats the game, but then some random pirates make your cow crash, leaving her in a Tight Suit, getting lots of fanboys because she got a nice Ass and Tits.

Metroid Prime Hunters: You have two cows. One of them gets headshot pwned by a Trace sniper, and the other gets disconnected from WFC- error code 8606700, please call Nintendo 1-800 777 77777 freephone to recover your cow.

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes': You have two cows. One cow is white, the other is black and is full of evil parasites that assimilate everything. There is only enough grass in the paddock to support one cow. You must travel all over the black cow to retrieve grass from it to feed the grass to the white cow.

Metroid Prime 3: You have two cows. They both get mad cow disease and can suddenly fire cud at 980MPH and break trough walls.

Microsoft Train Simulator: You just hit two cows. Ground beef, anyone?

Might & Magic: Isles of Terra: Two cows, Greyhide and Blackhide, trapped each other in their once-proud Barns. Free them to learn each both halves of the final Initialization Sequence...

Might & Magic: Clouds of Xeen: "Looking to train your two cows? GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB! GOODJOBGOODJOBGOODJOB!!!"

Might & Magic: Darkside of Xeen: There are two cows; one's good and one's evil. You can't kill the Evil Cow, so you need a To-Go Box to hide the Good Cow in so he can kill it.

Might & Magic: World of Xeen: You have two cows that you can combine into one awesome super-cow with that's almost as big as 3 complete cows.

Monkey Island: LOOK BEHIND YOU! A THREE-HEADED COW!

Mortal Kombat: You have two cows. You send them to the glue factory. FATALITY.

Mortal Kombat (2): You transform into a cow and summon another cow to stampede all over the opponent. ANIMALITY.

Mortal Kombat Armageddon: You have two cows, but both of them suck. You proceed to pick from the other 60-something cows on the selection screen.

Myst: You have two cows. You have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do with them. They attack you. You don't die.

Myst (2): You have two cows, but you can choose only one. You chose the blue one. Damn, it was the red one. Game Over. You play the whole game again and choose the red one. This time it was the blue one because of something stupid in the beginning. Game Over.

[edit] N

NationStates

The Issue

Two cows have been observed eating grass on a plain.

The Debate

"I think we should just leave the cows alone," says cow enthusiast Max Jong-Il. "What have cows ever done to you? Sure, one might have bitten off your left arm two years ago, but I still think the cows should live."

You have two cows/24

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Contents

[edit] Category Twenty-four: Video Games & Consoles

[edit] Consoles

[edit] Genres

[edit] Games

[edit] A

[edit] B

[edit] C

[edit] D

[edit] E

[edit] F

[edit] G

[edit] H

[edit] I

[edit] J

[edit] K

[edit] L

[edit] M

[edit] N