You have two cows/8
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This article is part of the You have two cows series.
[edit] Category Eight: Groups
- Anaesthesiologists
- We have numbed your two cows.
- Anime nerds
- Kawaii Japanese cows are sooooo much better than American baku baku cows, foolish darkInuyasha93-chan!
- Bohemians
- You don't have two cows, because you can't 'have' anything.
- Arabians
- You have two cows. You sacrifice them for great Allah.
- Cable Repair Men
- We'll fix your cows sometime between 7:00am to 9:30pm on Wednesday. We might also steal your TV while we're at it, and fuck up your carpet with our shoes.
- CATS
- ALL YOUR TWO COWS ARE BELONG TO US.
- Conspiracy Theorists
- Your two cows actually never landed on the moon. They also discovered advanced technology by digging up a crashed alien spaceship.
- Emos
- You have two cows. They hate you. You hate them.
- Generation M
- You have two cows. You milk both at the same time while eating a sandwich, changing tracks on your ipod, and catching up on your email.
- Generation X
- You have two cows, so what, you feel disenfranchised.
- Generation Y
- You have two cows... I have a CowStation 2
- Indie kids
- Each person has one cow. You have two cows, because you're different. Now each person has two cows, because they're different too.
- Internal Revenue Service
- 33% of your two cows belong to us.
- Ku Klux Klan
- You have two cows. One is black. You decide it is lazy and it smells bad, so you kill its nigger ass.
- Light bulb jokes
- Q: How many cows does it take to change a light bulb ?
- A: Two.
- Liverpool F.C.
- You have 11 cows. One of them is called Steve and takes the credit for all of their successes.
- Naturists
- Mother Cow, oh mother cow.
- Paedophiles
- These really cool two cows are a short ride away, and they're full of sweeties. Just get in the car.
- PeTA
- You have two cows. PeTA frees them, kicks you in the balls, and petition Congress to make cows an indangered species.
- Porn Stars
- Sure I've done it with 2 cows before. Scene 2 Act 1: The Bull
- Script Kiddies
- 4ll j00r c0wZ 4r3 83l0n6 t0 u5
- Statistician
- Statistically speaking, you are less than 14 feet away from 2 cows at any time.
- Student Cowncil
- You vote for two cows, a president and a vice president, based entirely on popularity and the attractiveness of their cowspots. Then you excuse them from class so they can think of peppy new names for the same stuff they do every year. They have no actual influence, so they just gossip about prom night.
- System Administrators
- You had two cows, but due to a server crash (and lack of proper backup) they are yours no longer.
- System administrators 2
- You have two cows. I just reset their passwords to #%rtT-.9hY6" and !0)Om,=J4/9>'
- Vegetarians
- You have two cows. You drink their milk, but don't eat any part of them.
- Vegans
- You have two cows. You don't use them as anything more than company.
- Fruitarians
- You have two cows. You eat the grass with them.
- Microsoft
- You have two cows. One of them performs an illegal operation and must be shut down.
- Islamic Terrorists
- Infidel cows, prepare to die at the hands of the reat Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *ka-boom*
- Yuppies
- You have two cows, Patrick Bateman has three, never mind baby, cows are for shits and wets.
- Zoo Keepers
- Obviously, we have two cows... in the petting zoo.
- Kidnappers
- We have your two cows. Unless you leave two million dollars in a brown paper bag we'll start sending them back to you, steak by bloody steak. You have 24 hours.
- Baggage Handlers
- Your 2 cows got lost in transit. Sorry.
- Australian Baggage Handlers
- We might know something about the two cows found in your surfboard case, but we want an unlimited amnesty first.
- Sports
- You have two cows. One of them wants to be traded to another team. She demands to be traded to a contending team with a good quarterback, cause your all star quarterback is usually out in left field. Your other cow is holding out for a better contract. She refuses to play until you increase her salary by 900%
- Post Modernism
- You have two cows. You put them in a field. You milk them.
- Halo hippies
- I HAVE TWO COWS AND YOU DON'T HAHA LOLLERS! STUPID GODAMNED FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!!!
- Chuck Norris hippies
- Chuck Norris kills your two cows with a round-house kick. You die.
- Math nerds
- Add one cow to another cow and you have two cows.
- Artists
- I drew two cows.
- Furry artists
- I drew two cow-men. They're having sex, this is so awesome!
- DeviantART artists
- I drew Sora and Sephiroth as two cow-men. Now I think I'll draw the Turks...
- YTMND users
- The robots have taken my two cows. Please send help.
- Google groups
- You have two posts on alt.animals.cows.
- Zaire
- You have two cows. They are infected with Ebola hemhorrogic fever. Now you have two cows bleeding out from every orfice. Way to go, Richard Preston.
- Pickpockets
- "Look! Two cows!" *Disappears into crowd*
- Unskilled pickpockets
- "Look! Two cows!" *Dashes off, holding your purse*
- Stupid pickpockets
- "Look! Your Purse!" *Dashes off, holding two cows*
| Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology! | |||||||
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1. Analysis |
8. Groups |
15. Non-Video Games |
22. Television | |||
“Do not try to understand what the two cows are saying. That's impossible. Instead, you must try to realize the truth: there are no cows. Then you will see that it is not the cows that moo, but only yourself.”
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