Ass
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“Behind every great man, there is an ass.”
~ Sir Rutherfeld III on ass
“ASS!!!”
~ Tourettes Guy on Ass
“Why do I have to live next to such an asshole!”
~ Your Dick on Ass
“Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!”
~ My dad on every painful family gathering I've ever had the displeasure of attending
“I'm still trying to figure out how to wipe it”
~ Edward Scisshorhands on his ass
“Yeah baby, thats the real deal!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ass
“Ha Ha he he Stop ticklllllle ha he!”
~ B.B. Jammies on Ass tickling
“GET OUT!!!!”
~ My friend's hemmorhoidic dad on his ass
An ass is a donkey. Scientists have been in a heated dispute on the matter of naming a donkey's hindquarters. Though asses are animals, they are kicked by little boys throughout history due to the word ass.
One of the three most popular parts of the human body, the ass has been the butt of many jokes and a massive area of focus by the public at large.
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[edit] General ass info
Women's asses can be extremely sexy, but their primary function is exporting brown chocolate. If you get excited by the following content, you are in good company. Most people are sexually enraged by the taste of hardened chocolate feces.
In some small town locations -- "Real America" -- a human ass can be used to heal the sick. In these locations, the ass is referred to as a "preacher," and / or a "Republican." The latter is known for their love of the rectums and mouths of young boys and girls. However, the preacher enjoys only the company of young boys.
Canadians have an unhealthy hatred for the ass; particularly because the Queen of England has neither a buttocks, or an anus. If an American sailor says the word "ASS" in Canada, he will be attacked by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police. RCMP motto: "Whoever smelt it, dealt it." The punishment is a $10,000.00 fine and a mandatory plunger fucking.
[edit] Asses in other Cultures Levels of Hell
Many asses exist in different dimensions. In other words, asses don't just come from the United States or France. The Magnificent Democratic Online-Gaming Republic of South Corea (MDOGRSC) Have many, many asses (because they're computers are better then mine.). Usually in the form of Asian chicks or Pancakes
[edit] Rimming
Frowned upon in the upper class socialite circles, the rimjob is a sexual practice that has been enjoyed for centuries around the world. Exceptionally common in Calcutta, India; Birmingham, Birminghamville; Birminghamton, Bolsover, Mianus, Saskatchewan; the Dnieper River in Russia, your mother's bedroom (belive us; we know.), Las Vegas, Nevada, Alabama (Our lady's anal haven), USA, and Rob's Bedroom too. But really, what can't you find in Vegas these days?
[edit] Religious Restrictions
Muslims cannot use the human ass for sex. Mainly because Muslims do not have rectums. Vaginas, however, are another matter. Just ask Bizzy Bone.
Christians and Jehovah's Witnesses probably should not use the ass cavity for sex, as it may anger their boss of love, who will then throw them into a pitiless pit of anal rape snakes for all eternity.
Note: 100% of Repressed homosexual (c)hristian men are now secretly praying to Satan.
[edit] The Point of Anal Sex
It is said that Chris Veader might have invented Anal sex, although many argue to the topic.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Recent theories put forward by Dr. Svendsen of the Swedish Institute for Rectal Research (S.I.R.R), suggests that while it is common knowledge that the penis is inserted in the woman´s vagina to, among other things, induce a womb-like state in men, it is now thought that inserting it anally will produce a sort of getting-back-at-the-old-man type of feeling. The father-figure is often thought to be an "anal" character in Freudian and other schools of psychology, and it seems only logical to think that ramming your Johnson up your lady´s or guy's Hershey Highway is just another way of saying "Up yours, Dad!". Dr. Svendsen has been much criticized lately for being "full of shit" by the Swedish medical community, which makes you wonder if that isn´t the man´s whole point to begin with.
Despite his claims to the contrary, Al Gore did not invent anal sex.
In Polish language, word 'pupa' means 'buttocks' and elbow bacon, either or it depends on context.
Many alien cultures contribute anal sex (Probes) to children.
[edit] See Also
- Booty Contest
- Donkey
- Arse Photos
- Smartass
- Gluteus Maximus
- Jennifer Lopez
- Kylie Minogue
- The Blonde Ones' Arse
- Ass Man
- Batista
- Woodrow Wilson
- 50 Cent
- Soulja Boy
- George W. Bush
- Butt-Birth
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