SEHS

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THIS ARTICLE A SPLODE.
SEHS -- caught on tape.

“The number one killer besides Oprah.”

~ Leading experts on SEHS

“Your head will asplode if you try to look at both of the asploding heads on top of this page at the same time”

~ Me on SEHS

“It seems to have been caused by Twelvenigoriumanoxius Gaugeioxiousnomericdioxyanin. A deadly Virus.”

~ Doctors on Kurt Cobain's Asploding head

“My head asplode-ed once”

~ Oscar Wilde on SEHS

“But I need tacos! I need them or I'm going to explode. That happens to me sometimes.”

~ GIR on tacos, which are the only known cure for SEHS

SEHS (Sudden A Sploded Head Syndrome), also known in the pseudo-scientific community as Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis, or HCE, is a condition believed to be caused by overloading the brain with the body's own electricity through intense thinking, severe constipation,and concentration, resulting in the spontaneous combustion or volatile explosion of the patient's head. However, there are other possible causes, as listed below.

Though SEHS is widely accepted by experts as a fatal disease, they'd be wrong because it's a condition, however briefly. In some certain individuals (also known as godless Communists or X-Men), once the brain ceases all thought, the head reforms with startling regularity.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about SEHS.

Contents

[edit] Medical Condition

A late, lamented sufferer of SEHS. (Photograph was taken with a long range ...uh, camera specially modified for capturing incidents of SEHS).
A late, lamented sufferer of SEHS. (Photograph was taken with a long range ...uh, camera specially modified for capturing incidents of SEHS).

SEHS is not a genetic disease, but can be a result of interaction with Your Mom. There is no cure, save to rip your head open and expose it to the vacuum of space, which really kind of defeats the point. Like with Decapitation Disease and Chicken Pox, it is however very rare for a person to experience SEHS more than once in a lifetime, and the lack of a head generally prevents memory of the experience from persisting.

[edit] Medical Origin

The affliction of SEHS began when the famous author, H. G. Wells, wrote a book called The Time Machine. Upon reading the novel, people were prompted to ask the question: "If I went back in time and changed the future, wouldn't it mean that in that future I wouldn't have wanted to go back in time and change the future, which would mean that I never went back in the first place, which would mean that I would have wanted to go back into the future, which would mean that I didn't but...", and so on. Because human beings in this part of history had no defense (and some still don’t) against infinite time loop paradoxes the human brain would overload and burst, ruining everyone's nice Victorian clothing.

Nikolai Titov's magically-reforming head.
Nikolai Titov's magically-reforming head.

The Time Machine was banned for, well, a time before resurfacing in the 1980s under the name of The Terminator, causing massive cranial explosions in all of the major cities in North America. Many of the finest and most intelligent minds of our century were wiped out by this debilitating condition. This helped cause the New York Blackouts, American Idol, Big Brother and inspired most of the special effects in Dawn of the Dead. In fact, Albert Einstein had finally figured out the secret to that E=mc2 thing, when his brain violently a sploded. Because it was so large, it splattered the White House, and the presidential aides quickly informed the president of the massive stain. Luckily, this later inspired the atomic bomb.

This disease was also observed in the 1994 Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess Championships, in which one chess player, Nikolai Titov, concentrated so hard that his head literally a sploded in the middle of a game, splattering all over his opponent, Yuri Shergar. However, reports claim that the following day, a somewhat shell-shocked Titov was sighted, complete with a new head: Shergar's.

It is postulated by some that John F. Kennedy suffered from SEHS, although the general consenus is that Kennedy was killed by an exploding head induced by Chuck Norris stopping four bullets from an assasination attempt with his beard.

[edit] Sudden Unexploded Head Syndrome

He may not be a smart man, but he knows what love is.
He may not be a smart man, but he knows what love is.

In many cases, the brain does not produce sufficient thoughts to set off the proper chain reaction. This condition is known as Sudden Unexploded Head Syndrome (SUHS). It is considered less dangerous than SEHS, but can cause delusional states, erratic behavior, faith in inconsistent and illogical religions, and an inability to answer questions without help from a speaker in your back. It may also make one more susceptible to choking on pretzels than ordinary folks.

Sadly, unknown amounts of Americans may suffer from this tragic disease, and are now spreading it to other parts of the world by simply appearing on international television. Furthermore, one out of ten doctors has concluded that the primary sufferers of SUHS are Jehovah's Witnesses, followed by Scientologists, Democrats, Republicans, tree huggers, and Geraldo Rivera. It is also suspected that being near, listening to, or watching a carrier of SUHS in action may lead to a sudden occurrence of SEHS.

Like SEHS, SUHS is remarkably common in the Presidents of the United States of America, most notably Richard Fucks-Up, Ronald Ray-gun, George W. Bush, and Virtually Every Founding Father of the United States of America That's Currently Spinning in His Grave. In fact, as of 2009, it is the primary objective of the Presidential Security Team to keep the President away from naked flames difficult/intelligent questions and other sources of thought-process ignition; they could be dangerous. Also, no one wants a smart man at the wheel of America... or so the Republicans say. Unfortunately for them, no one is dumb enough to listen to what they have to say anymore. Right?

“Life is like a box o' chocolates; you never know which country you're gonna liberufinate next.”

~ George W. Bush on the hidden joys of SUHS

[edit] SEHS Today

One of the many billions of causes of SEHS.
One of the many billions of causes of SEHS.

Because of the rarity of the disease, it is often misdiagnosed such as in the cases of John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln. Both actually died after an attack of the syndrome, which was attracted by a sudden overload of awesomeness. The guy with the gun was just a coincidence.

SEHS can happen anywhere; even in this family-oriented fast food restaurant. Better get some extra napkins!
SEHS can happen anywhere; even in this family-oriented fast food restaurant. Better get some extra napkins!

[edit] SEHS Trivia

[edit] Fun Facts of SEHS!

  • SEHS backwards is shes, which means it is more likely for a male to get it when thinking of the acts of females in general (e.g. going to the bathroom together)
  • Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome backwards is emordnyS daeH gnidolpxE nedduS.
  • Huffing white kittens may increase the risk of SEHS. The Surgeon general recommends that you just stick to the orange ones, as these have been shown to reduce the risk significantly, or at least fuck you up so good you won't care.
  • Knowing the fact that Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome exists makes your head suddenly explode. Now that is irony.
  • Knowing that the last sentence is ironic also makes your head explode. Now that is irony.
  • The wearing of religious headgear by Muslim women does prevent SEHS. You don't learn anything. So no brain asplosions.

[edit] Other Causes Of SEHS!

  • Looking at Carmine's face
  • Telling a Christian god is imaginary
  • Being near someone with SUHS
  • Trying to explain the popularity of Big Brother
  • Listening to George Bush for too long
  • Playing Runescape for 15 seconds straight
  • Being kicked off of World of Warcraft after only playing 15 hours.
  • Playing another MMORPG for 15 minutes straight
  • Filling out bureaucratic forms
  • Yelling ALLAHU AKBAR!!!
  • Prolonged OMS (Official Moron Status)
  • Listening to Sarah Brady explain how taking guns away from law-abiding citizens stops criminals from committing crimes.
  • Masturbating
  • Taking a Number sense test
  • A sudden overload of awesomeness
  • The Final Countdown
  • Any e.e. commings poem
  • A sudden overload of stupidity
  • Watching Johnny Cochran perform the Chewbacca defense
  • When women tell men, "You should know why I'm angry; I shouldn't have to tell you!"
  • Attempting to get a VISA from the Chinese or American embassy
  • Extreme sarcasm
  • Navigating voice response menus when calling for service
  • Bacteria in the cytoplasm that builds up when such words are spoken: onomatopoeia, lol and quotes of the likes of "George Bush is hip" (Bacteria don't build up in cytoplasm.. Cytoplasm is inside bacteria.. Moron.)
  • Listening to boy bands for too long
  • Being offered a sparkly hot dog by Leonard Parker
  • Repeating yourself Repeating yourself Repeating yourself Repeating yourself Repeating yourself...
  • Religious Fundamentalism
  • Engaging in an excessive number of instant messenger conversations simultaneously
  • Stoically trying to convince yourself your head will not explode to get over the fear of your head exploding
  • Look at the silly monkey
  • Listening to someone speak in binary.
  • Vogon Poetry (SEHS is the easiest way out for the soul, sometimes).
  • Waiting in line at the DMV, only to find out you've missed a form.
  • Not being Daniel Craig when Daniel Craig fucking kills you.
  • Reading about quantum physics or theoretical physics or just plain physics in general.
  • Pissing off Michael Ironside in Scanners.
  • Seeing George Bush with Dick Cheney doing unspeakable things.
  • Reading an Uncyclopedia article.
  • High School Musical
  • Voting in an election
  • wouldnt you like to know
  • Jumping down a long list just to read the last sentence.

[edit] False Rumours of SEHS!

  • Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome is NOT the reason why we cannot find Weapons Of Mass Destruction... it's the after-effect.
  • Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome is NOT a disease given to evil dictators on death row (that's Saddamly Extended Neck Syndrome,).
  • Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome is NOT fatal. The body can live for seventy more years without a head, and the headlessness trait can be passed on to any offspring you manage to have while stumpified. However, this only works if your head explodes without any subsequent loss of blood - if blood, even just a drop, comes out of your stump when the head explodes, you're screwed.
  • If you pass Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome to a hydra, NO more heads SHOULD grow back on. They all blow up simultaneously, like some horrific fireworks display.

[edit] Fun Ways to Cause SEHS!

  • Make the victim watch a Hello Kitty Marathon.
  • Alternatively, make the victim watch a marathon of Johnny and the Sprites.
  • Analyze the entirety of Star Trek canon and attempt to logically explain its continuity.
  • 01000010
  • AAAA AAA AAAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAA!
  • 1/3 = 0.333..., 2/3 = 0.666..., 1/3 + 2/3 = 1, 0.333... + 0.666 = 0.999..., but 0.999... =/= 1.
  • Read this sentence:
    5p34|< 1/V 1337
  • Calculate the value of 0^0. (if 1^0=1 and x^0=1, then 0^0=1. However, since 3^0=3/3=1 and x^0=x/x=1. then 0^0=0/0=impossible, yet any number^0=1....SPLODE x^0 is "defined" to be 1, then we do not have to worry about this crap)
  • Trying to explain to someone that 0 isn't a number, even when they have crappy mathmatics to back them up. 0 is a number representing NO number... get it?
  • Explain to a 5-year old how humans are born.
  • Reading fan fiction.
  • Build a big enough telescope to see to the other side of the universe to see the back of your head; only to notice that the back of your head is really a square-shaped pizza pie.
  • Go to a Labour Party Conference in Britain.
  • SEEING MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY!!! ...SPLODE
  • Seeing Ryan Harper having sex with Ms. Bates!!!
  • A 50 Cal. Sniper rifle.
  • Use the following fuzzy logic equation, beginning with a simple Hypothetical question: 
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

[edit] Famous Sufferers of SEHS!

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

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