YouTube
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Whoops! Maybe you were looking for YouPubes? Sorry, 10 year olds.
“SO WHAT? Your Founder is a gay!”
~ Some bunch of geeks on Turkey
“Access to this site has been blocked FOREVER due to they haven't a certification for authorizate”
~ Turkey on YouTube
“ LOL”
~ Some Youtube User on Youtube
“ I'm Gonna Rule Youtube Some Day, Just As Soon As I Stop Seuing Them!”
~ Viacom on Youtube
“FUCK COPYRIGHT!”
~ most of the world on criticism of youtube
“I have retards like Magic8Productions on my website!”
~ Youtube on itself
“This is our place now b!^$%&s!”
~ Google on YouTube
“In Soviet Russia, video watches YOU!!'”
~ Russian Reversal on YouTube
“I love YouTube! I mainly like how it's mostly just got me on it!!!'”
~ Rick Astley on YouTube
“I thought it was YouChoob?”
~ Some Briton on YouTube
“I WILL TAKE OVER YOUTUBE ONE DAY!”
~ Andy Quann on YouTube
YouTube (to be known as SueTube, YouN00b, YouB00b, JewTube, YokTürke, RickTube and Satan's Paradise in the near future) is a popular free* porn video sharing web site which lets users upload, view, and share clips. Founded in February 2005 by three employees of PayPal who wanted a way to show their stop motion motion picture "Pez Miserables", the service mutilates Adobe Flash technology in such a way that it displays video. The site claims to have a wide variety of content, including conspiracy theories, video game videos, AMV's, and fake celebrity sightings, as well as amateur content such as, well, you know, amateurs, doing...stuff. It also hosts kids who dream of becoming popular through their sharp wit and ball-kicking abilities.
Contents |
[edit] History
As mentioned before, YouTube was founded in February 2005 by three employees of PayPal. I'm sorry to repeat myself, but it fit so well under both "introduction" and "history".
What I didn't tell you, though, is that these particular PayPal employees were in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden. Got your attention now, didn't I. Bin Laden hired the PayPal employees in 2001 to create a site that would act as a forum for Taliban members to showcase anti-American videos and terrorist propaganda. However, Osama's disappearance, coupled with the posting of footage of a Basque separatist being hit square in the nuts with a football, led to a revolution in how the site was used. Osama's original idea for the site is now used on Pornotube.
When Google saw Youtube:
Hey Guyz i fond out about dis wiked site calld utube its freaking amazing lets offer dem 6 billion dollerz to buy it LOL!1
[edit] The Formative Years
During the following years literally tens of people joined the YouTube.com online extravaganza. These original users, were primarily friends and loved ones of well known terrorists and tyrants such as Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot, Kim Jong-Ill, penispenispenispenispenis, and George W Bush. The real breakthrough moment came when John Craven's Newsround reported on the presence of a video that appeared to show Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt having sex. Although the video later turned out to be a fake (it was actually Angela Lansbury and Burt Bacharach) every single person in the world logged on, created an account and began posting videos of their own.
[edit] Birth of a Nation
“It is like writing history with lightning. And my only regret is that it is all so terribly retarded.”
~ Woodrow Wilson on Birth of a Nation
“Hey, I didn't say that.”
~ Woodrow Wilson on The above quote
“WOW! These people made my stupid show more popular than I could have imagined.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kingdom Hearts
“They said I couldn't witness the death of Hussein...then I met Youtube”
~ George Bush on how youtube has helped in the past
“If i filmed myself cutting my wrists would anyone give a shit? ”
~ Emos on Uses for youtube
The first video posted on YouTube that wasn't a clip from Family Guy or of someone's pathetic dancing was Birth of a Nation, which was posted on November 30, 2005. This clip featured innovations such as deep focus, the jump-cut, and facial close-ups, all of which had previously been lacking from YouTube's original creations. On the other hand, this clip was criticized for being horribly racist, although many critics note that this was the prevailing attitude of the times. This was hugely influential on subsequent videos for its technical innovations, if not for its racism (although it did foreshadow the Censored Eleven and the Michael Richards race rant.)
Meanwhile, literally tens of people were joining the YouTube.com online extravaganza. These original users were primarily friends and loved ones of well known terrorists and tyrants such as Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot, Kim Jong-Ill, and George W Bush.
[edit] Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Sex Video
The breakthrough moment in YouTube's popularity came when John Craven's Newsround reported on the presence of a video that appeared to show Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt having sex. Although the video later turned out to be a fake (it was actually Angela Lansbury and Burt Bacharach) every single person in the world logged on, created an account, and began posting videos of their own.
[edit] Hierarchy Scale of Well-Known YouTube Video Types
Videos That Everyone Loves/Hates:
1. Copyrighted Material
2. Videos That Really Suck but are Created by Users Who Get Paid to Make Shitty Videos
3. Videos Made by Paid Users Which Don't Suck
4. Videos of People Talking on their Webcams
5. Vidoes of People Doing Stupid (but awesome) Shit
6. Videos of Funny/Cute Animals/Babies
7. Music Videos
8. Song Covers
9. Watching fat people lip sync.
10. Videos of People Getting Really Hurt in Funny Ways
Videos That Appeal to Niche Group:
11. Conspiracy Theory Videos
12. Videos Of Users Who Are Actually Funny Yet Hated By Everyone for Mocking the YouTube Users Which Rank #2 on the Scale
13. Ass Videos
14. 2Girls1Cup Reaction Videos
15. Videos of Celebrities Doing Embarrassing Things
16. Video Game Speed-Runs
17. YouTube Poop
18. Porn
19. Clips of Weird/Creepy Television Shows
20. Barney Bunch/Speakonia-Based Videos
Videos That Truly Suck:
21. Barney Bunch/Speakonia Videos That Aren't Funny
22. YouTube Poop that isn't funny
23. Angry Video Game Nerd Ripoffs
25. Videos of 10-Year-Old Wiggers Acting Like Dumbasses
26. Videos With Absolutelty No Entertainment/Educational Value or Merit
27. KKK/Neo-Nazi/White Supremacist Videos
28. Sonic Anime Porn Slideshows
29. them tube's nemises
30. Robtran videos
31. Transformers Armada AMV's with Linkin Park music
32. Screamers
33.Disguised rick roll videos
[edit] Fantasia
Animation, of course, has always been successful on YouTube, but a turning point for the artform was Fantasia, a film with colors so beautiful it made dogs whimper. Film enthusiasts note that the clarity of the soundtrack is exceptional as well, although many viewers preferred syncing it up with Dark Side of the Moon. This clip was posted February 12, 2006.
[edit] Brokeback Mountain
A tender, though realistic, film of two lesbian ranchherds, Brokeback Mountain inspired more parodies than any other movie up to this time, which according to Simpsons fans is the primary measure of a film's greatness. This is also notable for being a sign of increasing tolerance for minorities (but see the next item). This notable increase in the love towards these minorities can be attributed to the fluffy nature of the herdes in the film, a la the sheep, these fluffy sheep while maybe not the softest are definitely the fluffiest of all God's craters.
[edit] Michael Richards Race Rant
Though many feel this film is tasteless in its racist depiction of African-Americans (citation needed), most film critics concede that this, too, is a masterpiece. Its use of repetition (i.e., "nigger, nigger, nigger!"), in particular, has crossed medium boundaries and has influenced songwriters such as Kurt Cobain (note his repetition of "yeah" in Lithium), Michael Stipe (note repetition of "yeah" in Man on the Moon), and Kurt Cobain (note repetition of "I'm a negative creep" in Negative Creep, and note that he has apparently been posthumously influenced.)
[edit] Google Acquisition
Slowly slipping into unexpected bankruptcy, YouTube.com made a daring decision to buy out Google Videos, a popular, independent, and recently popularized video/blog/pr0n/chat conglomeration, for 900 Euros ($1.65 billion USD). By merging YouTube.com and Google Video™©, the damages caused by copyright violation are going to double. Nevertheless, YouTube decided to host all three sites at the same time in order to create the dangerous Triumphirate of Copyright-Killers.
Hollywood will die.
[edit] Present Day
An astonishing 99.93% of the 1 billion videos on YouTube.com remain unwatched, as 99.93% of those are just out-of-sync copies of rips of copies of rips. A vast majority of users choose only to watch fat kids lip synch to Eastern European pop songs. Pokemon movies are also very popular, especially crappy fan-made ones. They have all the Pokemon, Pikachu, Charmander, Shoe, Little Bill, Aruseus, Darkrai, Y2K, Mew, Mewtwo, Mewthree, four & five etc; Mao Tse Tung, Kyogre, Ytgskywi, Haunter, Pidgeotto, TehChikn and probably a few less.
Searching for videos is temporarily unavailable. Luckily, or not, as the case may be, since the acquisition of Google Videos, it is now possible to search for anything on Google, with the majority of returned links being redirects to YouTube and Google.
[edit] After Saddam, Who's Next?
People gathered around their computers to watch the hanging of Saddam Hussein on YouTube. Pleased with the great increase of visits on YouTube, Eric Schmidt, father figure of Google and YouTube, stated, "We need to find a way to sustain the popularity of our website through more controversial material."
This may not be easy for Schmidt, says Serget Brin, Google's founder. "The only way to keep hits up would be to get another execution on the database."
The United States Army, along with Executive in Chief, President George W. Bush, see the imperative need to keep YouTube at the peak of its existence. "I'm gunna make sure that Osama Bin Laden is the next bad guy them Army guys git," says President Bush.
Rumor has it that bin Laden responded (with an English accent), "isn't it ironic that the United States wants to capture me to keep YouTube popular, when it was the very site I helped create? How ironic indeed..."
Pumped for the mission, many men in the army are excited to try to find Bin Laden. "I want to be part of finding Osama. I think it would be cool to have my name in the credits when they make a boxed set of executions," sayid Pete 'Big Dog' Jennings.
Bush comments, "The only thing standin' in our way is them Congresspersons. They won't fund no troops. But I'm not scurred. I'm sendin' three times the troops I first said. Keepin' YouTube on the top is my main focus now."
Dick Cheney has hired award-winning actor Samuel L. Jackson to film the executions of the newly discovered terrorists. "He does a good job shooting things in the movies," says Cheney, continuing with, "wah."
[edit] The Annoyance of Youtube
Many people feel the need to repeat everything they see on a video in the comment box [I.E. Rick JAMES BITCH HAHAH LMFAO LOL ROFL HAHA ... ECT] . This sensation somehow makes them cool, and they hope that the stupid repeating of these lines will some how bring meaning to their sad pathetic lives. Being the "OMG first comment!" is also a comforting sensation to many users, and thanks to Youtube's lag time (soon to be updated for 24-hour lag), a great number of them can share this illusion.
Many people (mostly unemployed, just plain annoying, emo people) are beginning to be annoyed at the fact many users begin to upload fake videos of popular[citation needed] anime shows like "Naruto" and "Bleach". At first it was pretty damn obvious these videos were fake since a picture of a big purple surfing dinosaur while jamming out to the song "Everytime We Touch" has nothing to do with kids playing ninja. Despite the obviousness of being fake videos people continue to watch and comment on these videos, giving them "honors". The only thing more pathetic than waiting every week to watch a new episode of a predictable cartoon is tricking losers and getting their hopes up.
I think i speak for everyone when i say, "where is the sexy footage?"
YouTube users must sign an agreement upon registering with the site that they will:
- Promise to leave helpful comments like this on every video you stumble upon: "Th|s iS a Tru Stori, A gurl Dide en I saw h3r, post 6 tiems or u dye too lOlLo i em noT evin KidDing"
- You must must must post a video or two(hundred) of yourself in front of your crappy webcam talking about "The recent downfall in asian themed uploads" -Kill yourself, I'm serious.
- You must find neat/interesting videos, rip them, then repost them under your name. <--important
- You must promise to post countless videos of yourself talking into a camera for 20 minutes, people give a shit, they really do.
An unusually eventful video on youtube.
[edit] Notable YouTube.com Celebrities
- Brookers
- Chris Crocker
- DaxFlame, aka Bernice Juach III, aka A FAKE/FAG
- Tay Zonday
- Syncsta
- The Angry Video Game Nerd
- Smosh
- thewinekone
- Boobies of Athene's retard whore Tanya
- boobsforwords
- Trevor Rieger
- ME!
- charlestrippy
- sXephil
- smpfilms
[edit] Top 10 Most Viewed YouTube.com Videos Of All Time
- A bum on a toaster being flown to the moon
- Oprah farting and crapping on the pot.
- ICTON's FLOW Stop Motion
- Dance Dance Revolution.
- Avril Lavigne - I wanna be your satanic girlfriend.
- Pokemon music clip by Anthony Hecox and Ian Padilla a.k.a. smosh (removed because of Anti-Semitic contents)
- Tuğba Özay - 250,000 worshippers of Instant Friendship Order.
- A fat kid jumping off of a trampoline and into a sea of Pirahnnas, getting hilariously devoured alive.
- A drunk Zac Efron singing the song "Jews and Blacks" (To the tune of "Chocolate Rain") until his smokin' hot and naked girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens comes in, and they do it for the last 5 minutes.
- David Bowie eating a hotdog, whilst singing the French national anthem
[edit] A Guide to the YouTubian Language
The YouTubian language is unique and innovative. Here is a brief guide to help you understand this beautiful language.
- commentsplzthx - This roughly translates into English as "comments please, thanks". It is used to express the desire for comments. (e.g. narutard ep 5,000,000,000 (commentsplzthx))
- bg - This roughly translates into English as "background". (e.g. z0mgdzzzzzzzzzzzz i luvz ur bg!!111!11!1oneonetwo)
- mal, geber - This is a roughly Turkish word means "You Suck, Go die"
- ROFLLOLOMGLOLOLOL - This is to show that the person is laughing, but could also be a hint that the person is having a seizure.
A Bum Strapped to a Toaster being flown to the moon
[edit] Uses of YouTube
The medium of YouTube has yet to be fully realized, but early signs are promising. Here's a brief list of some of the ways people use YouTube:
- watching anime--When it comes down to it, there's no better place for watching Japanese animation, except Veoh. You name it, YouTube's got it.
- watching jailbait shake their butts to a hip-hop track.
- Linkin Park AMVs
- providing lessons on quantum populace through video blogs
- ending war in the Middle East
- feeding the hungry
- Linkin Park AMVs
- aiding in police investigations
- providing mentally retarded video editors an outlet to dr Kingdom Hearts
- YouTube Poop - endless amounts of important information regarding the whereabouts of the enclosed instruction booklet, volcanicity, Rolf's giant wiener, and Mama Luigi.
- Watching obscure disco videos that most of the general population doesn't give a shit about.
- Far too many Linkin Park AMVs
- Far too many AMVs in general
- Listening to Chocolate Rain
[edit] Abuses of YouTube
Many people feel the need to repeat everything they see on a video in the comment box [I.E. Rick JAMES BITCH HAHAH LMFAO LOL ROFL HAHA ... ECT] . This sensation somehow makes them cool, and they hope that the stupid repeating of these lines will some how bring meaning to their sad pathetic lives.
Users of Youtube also are largely ignorant, posting messages such as this:
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
Note, the follow is to cover the author's bases (just in case):
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
if you are or have read this comment then you are cursed for life. You will have a terrible life and never get married (if you are already married you will get divorced). Only way to undo this curse is if you comment 5 videos with this exact message
Another example is:
ananı sikeyim orospu çocuğu! (which means "Give my most honest regards to your dear mother, my pal!" in Turkish)
See also urban legend.
Many people (mostly unemployed, just plain annoying, emo people) are beginning to be annoyed at the fact many users begin to upload fake videos of popular[citation needed] anime shows like "Naruto" and "Bleach". At first it was pretty damn obvious these videos were fake since a picture of a big purple surfing dinosaur while jamming out to the song "Everytime We Touch" has nothing to do with kids playing ninja. Despite the obviousness of being fake videos people continue to watch and comment on these videos, giving them "honors". The only thing more pathetic than waiting every week to watch a new episode of a predictable cartoon is tricking losers and getting their hopes up.
[edit] Trivia
- There is a practice called "tubing", which involves floating down a river on an inflatable inner tube. "YouTube" refers to you floating down, or "tubing" down, the Information Superhighway.
- In Thailand Emperor Palpatine has blocked Youtube and marked it doubleplusungood website. Thai people sadly continue living in Dark ages.
- This is the most incredible video you will ever see: http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
Another quality song by Youtubers
