Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Zaphod Beeblebrox has been accused in the past of being Mark Wing-Davies. Something he has, as yet, to deny.

“If there's anything on this ship more improtant than my ego, I want it caught and shot right now”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on His ego

“Zaphod's just zis guy, ya know?”

~ Gag Halfrunt on Zaphod Beeblebrox

“I am so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on himself

“When finding ways of describing your life, I find the phrase 'pigs ear' comes to mind...”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth on Zaphod Beeblebrox

Zaphod Beeblebrox has had an eventful life in that so much has happened to him that he no longer cares to "explain it to you because you are simply to insignificant and inexperienced to begin to contemplate the intricacies and complexities that Mr. Beeblebrox has undergone both through your lack of cognitive capabilities and the fact that I am not, in fact, Mr. Beeblebrox's agent at all, although I did once meet him in the bottom of a ditch after a really good party that we both went to and both got thrown out of because of unacceptable conduct although, to be honest, I don't quite know what that conduct was because I was pissed at the time."

Zaphod has also reportedly taken up the trombone and discovered more uses for it than the mind can comfortably contain.

Zaphod Beeblebrox has also been accused of being Sam Rockwell. beeblebrox has thoroughly denied this claiming that he wouldn't be seen dead with that nancy-boy smile. But that he would be seen dead in that suit.

Over the years (all twenty thousand gazillion billion grillion of the Universe's lifespan) Zaphod has appeared in numerous forms. The first was as a simple disembodied voice which regularly issued from archaic devices that populated many homes even into the early twentyfirst century, know as 'radio's. Beeblebrox was later upgraded from a disembodied voice when he paid author and scriptwriter, Douglas Addams, vast sums of imaginary money to give him a body and a plastic-and-newspaper extra-head-on-a-stick. This body was borrowed from Mark Wing-Davies who has since vanished from the face of the Earth, presumably on a flying saucer which is now orbiting the moons of Jagglun Beta.

A man once accused Zaphod Beeblebrox of being a Pushme-Pullyou. He cleverly disproved this by crapping on the man's face.

The latest incarnation of Zaphod has been in the form of Sam Rockwell, this time with the extra head implanted inside his body meaning that his food got extra chewing before it reached his stomach. However the second head, upon realising that it was eating pre-chewwed food refused to eat any more and so Sam Rockwell died from suffocation due to the spawn of a Flying Spaghetti Monster being lodged in his throat. Beeblebrox then went on to make the HHGttG movie which was, in reality, a complete waste of time and money except for the bit where you see the Magrathean planet-making facility, because that was cool.

Zaphod Beeblebrox has also been accused of being Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. Beeblebrox denied this saying, "I only wish I was half as cool as that zarkin' frood!"

Beeblebrox is currently appearing in 'No Sex Please, We're Ameboid Zingadularians' on 5D TV, which is Fox by a futuristic name.

1 Family and 'Friends'
- 1.1 Ford Prefect
- 1.2 Other
2 See Also

[edit] Family and 'Friends'

[edit] Ford Prefect

“I just want you to know something; whatever may or may not happen from hereonin, I just want you to know, that I respect you. Just not very much.”

~ Ford Prefect on Zaphod Beeblebrox

Believed by Americans and other races of limited intelligence, at least until they saw the film and realised that, in fact, it was a spelling error of Ford Perfect, (which is stupid really since Ford Prefect cars were actually produced in America and I'm surprised that you're still reading this because it's become more of a rant at stupid people rather than an introduction to Ford and Zaphod's relationship.)

Ford Prefect shares three of the same mothers as Zaphod (this is believed to be related to the incident involving contraceptives and a time machine which made each and every of Zaphod's direct male "ancestors" Zaphod the Second, Third, Fourth etc.) It is believed that the two share a telepathic link as Ford Prefect's name was chosen for when he went to the planet Earth to research, and yet was thereafter known as Ford Prefect post-return to civilization. That or the scriptwriter (a.k.a. Douglas Adams, may his soul rest in peace in the highest tiers of Comedian Heaven) decided to keep it that was so as not to confuse the largely senile and/or incompetent population of Britain.

[edit] Other

Zaphod Beeblebrox does have other family and 'friends' but, to be honest, I can't be bothered to tell you about them right at this moment and therefore I bid you adieu, for now.

What more do you want? I'm not superhuman like Zaphod Beeblebrox!

Oh come on! Give a guy a rest!

Look I'll tell you more when I have a chance! There's only so much work you can do on 50 Altairian Dollars per day!