Zee

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Zee is the way Americans incorrectly pronounce the letter Z. The pronunciation was invented by a fool who had nothing better to do. In attempting to standardise how letters are pronounced, the letters A, F, H, I,J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, U, W, X and Y appear to have slipped his mind. Much of the world is completely baffled as to why someone would bastardise an alphabet in such a way, especially the English who invented to damn language in the first place.

[edit] Z Sympathisers

There are many who sympathise with the letter Zed rather than Zee, namely the rest of the world. Even the French say 'Zed', albeit in a strange accent. The creators of Men In Black also fit into this massive group of people, realising the extreme superiority of Zed over Zee. The Germans however like to say Zee, although this is not for the letter Z. On saying Zee, they really mean 'The'- popular examples include; zee German race vill von day conquer zee World.

[edit] Finishing the job

To finish off the uncompleted work, which was rather selfishly left to future generations, Uncyclopedia can proudly announce the reformed American alphabet.

A, pronounced Ay-ee (as in Ay, ee's done a runner!)
B, pronounced Bee (as in killer bees in the Wicker Man? Oh God! Oh Jesus Christ!)
C, pronounced See (as in Do you see what I see?)
D, pronounced Dee (as in dee Third Reich)
E, pronounced Ee (as in ee or from Winnie the Pooh)
F, pronounced Fee (as in scrap the Licence Fee you thieving gets)
G, pronounced Jee (as in Jee, what's all the fuss about?)
H, pronounced Aitch-ee (as in Aitch-ee! Oh, bless you!)
I, pronounced Aye-ee (as in Aye! Ee's a right grumpy bastard)
J, pronounced Jay-ee (as in You're going to Jay-ee)
K, pronounced Kee (as in Barbara! Pass me the back door kee! NOW!)
L, pronounced Lee (as in Christopher Lee is Lord Summerisle in the Wicker Man)
M, pronounced Mee (as in It's all mee mee mee!)
N, pronounced Nee (as in There is no name for the area behind your nee)
O, pronounced Oh-ee (as in Oh! Ee's done a runner!)
P, pronounced Pee (as in I did a pee, all over the toilet seat)
Q, pronounced Kwee (as in K'wee go to the match dad? Please!)
R, pronounced Ree (as in Ree-t lad, you're nicked!)
S, pronounced Ess-ee (as in Y-Ess! ee's done a runner!)
T, pronounced Tea (as in Stop doing that and make me cup of tea)
U, pronounced You-ee (as in Oi! You! ee's done a runner!)
V, pronounced Vee (as in Give em the Vees)
W, pronounced Wee (as in I had a wee in the bush)
X, pronounced Sex-ee (as in yo sexy mamma)
Y, pronounced Yee (as in ye olde chippie)
Z, pronounced Zed for hell's sake (omit 'for hell's sake') (as in the letter Z is pronounced Zed)