Led Zeppelin

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The vehicle the band used to escape the audience after their first concert, as you can see they did not get very far.

“It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless Led Zeppelin.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin (formerly known as Lead Zeppelin) was formed in 1968 by three retired professional golfers, and is known to this day as the world's first (and most) acid rock band. They are also well known for their creation of citrus rock, which originates from their love of citrus fruits, hence the songs, Tangerine and The Lemon Song.

1 The Band
- 1.1 Lineup
- 1.2 Cultural Iconism
2 Discography
- 2.1 Studio Albums
- 2.2 Classic Singles
3 Fun Facts
4 See Also
5 External Links

[edit] The Band

[edit] Lineup

Robert Plant was discovered as a frontman in his own apartment, when he accidentally bit his tongue. As a result of this minor injury, Plant's distinct moans and groans (as heard in Babe I'm Gonna Leave You and Whole Lotta Love) came forth and attracted the neighbours. The neighbours eventually let the word out of Plant's so-called "sensual" voice and was finally introduced to guitar prodigy, Jimmy Page, as people noted that his voice and Page's guitar sounded pretty much the same. Robert Plant is actually a plant, as confirmed by the existing members of the band today. The National Enquirer's shocking rumours of Plant getting body reconstruction surgery are unfortunately true. :'( Instead he drank hundreds of gallons of miracle grow.

Robert 'Literally' Plant

Jimmy Page, made famous for his love of fishy shark vagina and playing guitars with cucumber slices, paired with Plant in 1968 after they met in a magical garden and decided to form a band. When asked if they paired up because That Guy's guitar complimented Plant's voice, they responded: "Oh no, musically, we didn't mix together well at all. But our hairstyles went together fantastically!"

John Paul Jones was the Head Pilot aboard the Airship Lead Zeppelin. He was at the controls of the vessel during the tragic Russian air collision of 1955-58. He also played the ukulele (and or skin flute as it is called today). He currently works at a pharmacy just out of Northampshire were he sells cocaine to underage kids and small animals.

"So here we were, me and Jimmy, on a nature walk, with me pointing out things like trees and shit, when all of a sudden we heard these amazing bass lines...Like poing poing, boing, diiiing, do-dooooing. We found Jones sitting on a tree stump and watched him cheerfully slap those strings into shape. Those lines were impossible. We let him in right there and then we had sex" -Robert Plant

"Yeah they did have sex" -Jimmy Page

John "Bonzo" Bonham was fueled only by alcohol, nothing else.

[edit] Cultural Iconism

[edit] Discography

[edit] Studio Albums

1969: Led Zeppelin I (originally titled "Idiot's Guide - How To Kill A Yardbird")
1969: Led Zeppelin You (a.k.a."Idiot's Guide - How To Cook A yardbird")
1970: Led Zeppelin Me ("Idiot's Guide - How To Eat An Yardbird And Puke Instantly")
1971: Led Zeppelin For or "Zoso" or "The Runes Album" or "You Think of a Album Title! We really don't care"
1973: Houses of the Holy Child Asses (Cover picture presenting Jimmy Page's then 4-year old mother Lori Maddox) [1])
1975: OCD
1976: The Song Remains the Same for Far, Far Longer Than Its Melody Can Support
1976: Absence
1977: Led Zeppelin - Live and Overpriced!
1979: Out Through The Outhouse
1980: Tour Under Eurasia (bootleg)
1982: Yoda
1983: Textures in heaven
1984: Bad Shrooms Talking
1985: Led Zeppelin 0("One flew over the Yardbirds nest")
1986: Fly Agaric Journeys
1988: Outsider
1998: Barfing into a whale
1999: Zoom Zoom!
2007: Mothershit Landing

[edit] Classic Singles

[edit] Babe I'm Gonna Leave You

"Babe, babe, baby baby baby babe, babe, baaabbeee, BABE I'm gonna... baby, oooohooohoooo, baby baby babe babe I'm gonna just gotta leave... baby... you just gotta know... babe."

And that's it. Contrary to popular belief, this song was about Robert Plant's love affair with that cute little talking pig from the '90s. They broke up in 2004 due to 'Robert not quite getting it in there anymore.' Shame, though; I thought they really made a great couple.

[edit] Traveling Riverside Blues

Biwwwbiw biwwbiw biw biw biwwww biw biwww biw ba ba bah biw bu baaoo

"Hey" biww bow biwww bawww "Thats Right"

"Gasoline mamma, let me be your kid, you might get hurt if you don't keep it hid, I know my baby if I see her in the dark (Underground Railroad Reference)"

There is also somethings about going to rosedale, and Squeezing Robert's lemon till the juice run down his leg. But thats about it.

[edit] The Lemon Song

Robert Plant's juicy lemons on his citrus farm investment

"Squeeeezzzeeeeee...my lemon. Until the juice runs down my leg. "

Contrary to popular belief, this one is actually about when Plant and Page co-invested in a citrus farm in Southern California. They got in a fight about the profit of this highly lucrative investment and started squirting lemons in each other's eyes, on each other's chests and and down each other's legs. The line that goes "I'm gonna leave my children down on this killin' floor... floor... floor... floor..." comes off as nonsensical at first, but make sense when one takes into consideration Plant's incessant need to anthropomorphize inanimate objects. He talked to rocks, shrubs and doorknobs. Plant had a special relationships with the lemons and when they fell off the trees, he was especially traumatized and couldn't tour for the better part of two months, which he spent rehabbing by listening to music he had never heard before, including Howlin' Wolf. Finding a similarity between the Lemon song and Wolf's song Killing Floor, Plant came back and decided to rock so hard that no one would remember Howlin' Wolf so no one would realize the similarity.

[edit] Stairway to Heaven

One hit was Stairway to Heaven, a song concerning evil Satanic warlocks intent on brainwashing the world with backward messages containing exceedingly dodgy words such as 'toolshed' and '666' and even Brian McGregor. When played backwards, it actually sounds more like this: "Oooh a falh mashs flikker man cha satan satan hub julla jabulla satahn. Hashta satan rada satan oooh ot satan." I think it said 'suntan'. Scientologists have said the best place to listen casually and understand their music was in a concrete block 40 miles from the stage. It is said that AC/DC and Led Zeppelin had a bitter rivalry over these songs. The two bands eventually had a guitar-off, and all those attending fell sick. This disease would later be known as "erectal disfunction"

[edit] Communication Breakdown

Contrary to popular belief, this song concerns the first ever transatlantic telegraph cable, which was promoted by Cyrus Field and laid in 1858. Communication Breakdown tells of how the project was plagued with problems from the outset, and was in operation for only a month. Subsequent attempts in 1865 and 1866 were more successful, leading to the never released song 'Can you Hear You Me Now? Can you Hear Me Now?'

[edit] The Immigrant Song

The song is like Din-din-din chikka din-din-din chikka din-din-din chikka din-din-din chikka AAAHH-Aahh! Aaahh!

Contrary to popular belief, the lyrics concern a Viking kitten crossing a small pond to get to the other side, but intellectual property considerations prevent him from ever arriving as do the coast guard due to drug offences. This song was made to scare the birds that constantly flew in circles over Page's head trying to make a nest on his mop. Despite all this, it is consider the first Viking Metal song and the national anthem of Vikings everywhere.

[edit] Over the Hills and Far Away

Contrary to popular belief, this song is based on a Grimms Fairy Tale, "Hay Lady". In this lesser known tale, a Lady who had a hay farm (hence, the start of the song: "Hay Lady"), realizes she has the "love" (namely, LOTS of hay) that the singer so desperately needs. In the tale (and the song) they walk through the hay field ("walk awhile with me") thinking about all the hay that has grown there over the years and how much they both love hay. This is strange coming from a band that wrote such thought-provoking and meaningful lyrics (see Lemon Song above), but, hey, no pun intended, you have to let your hair down every once in awhile.

[edit] Moby Dick

"Boom-tash"

Originally this song was made as a filler during a concert when Robert Plant really had to use the restroom. Due to the popular reception of the audience, Led Zepplin played it in nearly every concert after it was made, in order to give the rest of the band a break. When the solo was played, Robert Plant usually left the stage to engage in the hugging of towels. Jimmy would play Uno and consume monumental quantities of powdered sugar with Peter Grant, while John Paul held the band together. Meanwhile, John Bonham would beat the living shit out of that drum kit for about five days at a time.

Here is how the song goes: "Boom, boom da da boom, da da boom, da da da da boom boom, boom, boom, boom, boom BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM, KAKA BOOM, KAKA BOOM, BOOM CHICKA LAKA CHICKA LAKA CHIKA BOOM! SHAKALAKA BOOM! Interesting trivia about this song includes:

Mr. Bonham, as he liked to be called, played 75% of this song with his head.
The remaining 25% wasn't played at all
The song was recorded in a racquetball court -- if you listen carefully (and especially if you listen backwards), you can hear the balls poinging against the walls.

[edit] D'yer Mak'er

This song is about a girl Robert Plant had a relationship with in Jamaica, which explains the reggae beat and guitar riff. The girl broke up with Plant, which resulted in Plant smoking lots of pot and writing this song out of heartbroken fury. It is now a classic Zeppelin song.

"Yeah" -Jimmy Page

[edit] White Summer/Black Mountain

Bluww blaw blewww ba da dai de dah dah da bow bow bie biedididy da bow biw

And it goes on like this for several hours, until Jon Bonham comes in on his Congo drums, but its really wonderful. Also known as White Summer, Black Penis.

[edit] Fun Facts

All of Led Zeppelin's lyrics are based off of a poem from one of two collections by Robert Plant: Variations on Sexual Inneundo or Referencing Middle Earth. I think we all agree it got old fast.

Jimmy Page has a seemingly irrational phobia of being bitten by mudsharks on his private parts. He continually refuses to explain why.

Robert Plant loves babies, which is why he sings about them in almost all of his songs. "Baby, baby, baby..." Indeed, Plant spends much of his time today getting babysitting jobs for his neighbors. You can call his babysitting hotline at 1-800-BAB-EEEE.

Led Zeppelin is a symbol of the Dyslexia Association; each member suffered from severe learning disorders, and no one had the heart to tell them that they had misspelled 'lead.'

'ZoSo' was once rumoured to be Polish for 'retarded baby duck' by everyone without teeth in Hull, which is all of them.

Alchemists had tried for years to turn Led Zeppelin into Gold Zeppelin. Peter Grant and their record company finally got it right.

For three years, Robert Plant was replaced by a Russian Hooker, and no one noticed... Why?

Although popular in most countries, Led Zeppelin never quite made it off the ground...

The artist formally known as Prince once fronted Led Zeppelin when Robert Plant came down with a rare form of Hepatitis Z, contracted when they were on their East Asian tour back in 1980. Prince changed lyrics, danced and gyrated, totally passing himself off as Plant to those hard core Asian Zeppelin fans. They can't tell us apart!