Zipper

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

1 Definition
2 History
3 The Zipper in Modern Times
4 The Zipper in Psychology
- 4.1 Males and Zippers
- 4.2 Females and Zippers
5 Summary
- 5.1 See Also

[edit] Definition

Zipper- n. ZIPP-er [Yiddish] A metallic device, used in the Jewish bris or Christian circumcision ceremony to remove the foreskin of a male infant, usually eight days after birth.

[edit] History

Zippers first appeared approximately 3500--4000 years ago. The first recorded mention of the zipper is in the Pentateuch--also called Torah (i.e., the first five books of the biblical Old Testament). In Genesis 17:10-11 one finds the passage, "This is my covenant with you... every male among you shall be circumcised."

[edit] The Zipper in Modern Times

This woman has a zipper for a tail

Today zippers are commonly used in nearly all Western cultures, by Judeo-Christians, Pagans, even Atheists, as well as by females in addition to males. Zippers are ubiquitous in our society. One finds zippers on pants, shirts, shoes, luggage, book-bags, CD-cases, sofa cushions, tents, and basically any other place one might find an uncircumcised penis.

[edit] The Zipper in Psychology

Freud, nearing his death, noted the widespread presence of zippers with curiousity, which caused him to re-draft his theory of human behavior. Zippers figured highly in his new psychology. All humans shared universal tendencies, and these tendencies could be categorized by gender.

[edit] Males and Zippers

The Oedipus Complex 1.) "Every male wants to sleep with his mother" 2.) "Every male wants to kill his father" Amendment 1.) [Freud stated:] "Every male has had his member injured and seeks to avoid that pain in the future. The overwhelming presence of zippers on such a wide variety of products leads me believe that all males are attracted to zippers in the hopes of dismemberment; however, fornication or intent to fornicate must first occur before the zipper can function properly. To generalize, every male wishes to fornicate with everything in the hopes of losing his member.