Zymotic theory of human brain evolution
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The Zymotic Theory of human brain evolution states that there is a significant and causal connection between increased alcohol consumption and brain size (and thus intelligence) in primate and especially human evolution.
This connection can be regarded as a well-established example of biocultural feedback. While other theories focus on sexual selection, social cooperation in hunting and warfare or other rather marginal aspects of primitive human societies, and neglect the importance of alcohol consumption for creativity and intelligence, the zymotic theory of brain evolution is based specifically on this point. It is now widely accepted among evolutionary scientists[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much], while still unknown to the uneducated public. It constitutes one of the three most accepted scientific theories among oinologists (78.5% acceptance) according to a 2006 Zionce survey, published in Mature in January 2004 (the other theories being the Flat Earth Theory with 98.6% acceptance and the Fermentation Theory of infectious diseases with 82.2% acceptance).
The Zymotic Theory of human brain evolution can be best described in a positive feedback cycle:
1. (slightly) intelligent primates did not directly indulge on starchs and sugars as their more primitive counterparts, but they stored the tubers and fruits they gathered for harder times. After a while these carbohydrate-rich plant foods underwent a process called alcoholic fermentation, making them more beneficial for human health.
2. Consumption of these naturally fermented ethanol-containing products lead to bursts of intelligent behaviour and creativity in our primitive ancestors, enabling them to invent more advanced techniques for alcoholic fermentation and to outcompete their anti-alcoholic (even more primitive) counterparts, as alcohol consumption also increases the resistance against zymotic diseases. Thus, alcohol consumption provided an evolutionary advantage for more progressive human populations (group selection).
3. As consumption of large amounts of alcohol can lead to neuronal damage, there was a significant selection pressure for having larger brains to compensate the neuronal loss induced by drinking bouts in the more advanced alcohol-consuming human populations (individual selection). Drinking bouts have played an important part in social behaviour in the last 2 million years of hominid evolution, as is indicated by many hominid and animal skulls found in hominid caves (probably used as drinking vessels for alcoholic beverages) and the abundant fossile evidence of otherwise unexplicable behaviour as arts, singing, dancing, homosexual intercourse and sodomy. It is hypothesized that the desinhibition of the lymbic system caused by alcohol consumption facilitated male courting behaviour, in which the male hominids walk upright and expose their genitalia to attract female partners. Consequently, though counterintuitive, increased alcohol consumption seems to be the direct cause for the evolution of the upright walk in the human lineage.
4. Thus, individuals living in advanced alcohol-consuming groups produced more offspring than primitive individuals, and within advanced groups individuals with larger brains produced more offspring than those with small brains. Overall large-brained alcohol-consuming individuals were the most successful in terms of genetic fitness and were able to establish more advanced fermentation techniques and increase alcohol consumption again. The need of raw material for alcoholic fermentation eventually lead them to invent agriculture and develop the precision grape. This mechanism produced a steady increase in alcohol consumption and brain size in humans, especially in the most progressive subpopulations of the superior White Race like mediumevil Vikings, hooligans and the Neanderthals.
