Banksy
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Banksy is described as "irrefutable proof of dark matter" in several noted scientific journals. Why he wastes a mysterious technology, letting him travel all over the world at the speed of light, to vandalise buildings is still unknown. No one knows what or why he is. His parents say he is a painter and decorator, while others hint at more sinister motives and plans involving grenade croquet for old people.
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[edit] Life
Little or nothing or less than nothing (or slightly less than more than nothing) is known about Banksy's early life. He was either born in the wagon of a travelling show or was not. A penchant for eating raw oak trees may not be what caused him to enter the girls' changing room of his primary school with a loaded Polaroid aged 8. He was arrested aged 14 for his obscene watercolours depicting a giraffe and the vicar of Cornwall in "unnatural, indecent and grossly deviant poses."
[edit] Work
After a short stint as a bell boy at the Paris, Hilton, Banksy returned to the creative world and is best known today for composing the rock opera Strife and Peas. This was highly acclaimed by critics as a classical pice of theatre and Banksy was made a Dame in recognition of his work in this area.
Among his unfinished work is an attempt to cause the Millennium Dome to fall into the earth's core using an army of supermoles. Another work explores typical 21st-century masculine problems such as getting women to have sex with stupid sad bastards who try to impress them.
[edit] Whore and Peas
Hailed as a masterpiece of opera on its debut at the Sydney Royal Stage And Screen Garden Party Parade, Strife and Peas concerns the trials, travails, ups, downs (blahblah etc.) of a young girl's artistic endeavours. When her album deal fails, she turns to graffiti prostitution and earns money from spray-painting pornographic stencil art on the bodies of fat businessmen in tights. This spawned the well-known catchphrase, taken from a lead character: "When you don't have peas, you have strife, and then you make a painting out of it, and the building owner paints over it."
[edit] Other noted activities
A master of disguise, Banksy managed to pass himself off as Tony Blair for the first 6 years of Blair's reign as king of all England, France and mouldy banana republics. During the last few years Banksy has moved on to other major projects such as landscape gardening for the blind and hairdressing for dead people.
Banksy is famed for training elephants and cows to paint portraits of obscure Flemish aristocrats in a style reminiscent of No One In Particular.
[edit] Quotes on Banksy
“I had an incredible plan to find out what Banksy looked like. So i took him home for a jolly good rogering and afterwards turned round to look at his face. He was gone and the only evidence of us spending the night toether was the painting of a monkey on my ass with the word 'owned' on his sandwich board.~”
~ Oscar Wilde on on Banksy
“What is Banksy? He is not a known known, even less he is a known unknown. Banksy is what the unknown unknowns wished and were able to federal express in the unknown known form in which he was expressed.”
~ Count Leonald Rumstoi II on Banksy
“The multitudes of Banksy are there and not there at the same time as not being anywhere but where they aren't.”
~ Phat Toni Negri on Banksy
“That Pink Floyd is rubbish, they got no idea what to do with a decent wall, same goes to dem Germans”
~ Banksy on Banksy
“....”
~ Banksy on Banksy
“I like his work, it is good.”
~ Vito Corleone on Banksy
“I'm drunk!”
~ Paula Abdul on Banksy
“I haven't seen him!”
~ Captain Obvious on seeing Banksy
“Rats are icky!”
~ Jeffery Star on Banksy
[edit] Links
- Banksy tribute artist - Granksy
"Rats are icky." Jeffery Star on Banksy
