Knowitallism

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“Who knows? The know-it-alls! ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Know-it-allism

'Know-it-allism is the ability to instinctively "know" everything about everything at all times. Also, in some very sad cases, this is known as "my cubicle neighbor for fifteen very long years" syndrome.

Know-it-allism is practiced by a numerously insignificant, yet extremely committed, cluster of know-it-alls. Questions like "What is the meaning of life?", "What is really going on inside the walls of Pentagon?", and "Is this pyramid-hoax-like-yet-not-really-a-pyramid-hoax-pyramid-hoax really a pyramid hoax?" are often asked and pondered upon by true know-it-allists.

[edit] The know-it-allistic paradox

Although know-it-alls claim to know everything and seemingly possesses huge intellects and wisdom, they tend to not go for elevated careers. This is known as the know-it-allistic paradox (well, duh!). The reasons for this paradox to exist is yet unknown, but a common theory is that the know-it-alls brilliance is just too much to handle for its superiors, who would be soon out of work if any know-it-all came to any sort of real power. Another theory is that all know-it-alls are more interested in making other people's life a living hell than to do actual work.

[edit] Famous Know-it-alls

• Your Mother
• Donald Rumsfeld
• Dick Cheney
• God
• Skybird

[edit] Phrases to identify a Know-it-all

Generally speaking, a Know-it-all can be easily identified by looking out for these phrases:

• "Well, duh!"
• "I told them, but they wouldn't listen to me - as usual!"
• "I could have told them exactly what would happen in Iraq after the invasion!"
• "I know that all the so-called experts say the opposite, but when all is said and done, what do the experts really know?"
• "I knew it would happen, I just knew it! Explosives, kittens and open fire - they just don't mix well! Why didn't I listen to myself?"