Maple Story
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Maplestory is a video game/propaganda technique, which focuses mainly on people doing drugs. Some, as a rationale for why the use of drugs is so blatantly obvious in the gameplay, claim that Maplestory, translated from the asian language, is a euphemism for "doing drugs", and that the original version of the game included the characters of the game using drugs. They are wrong on two accounts. The first is that the original name of the game was Story of a Maple and had nothing to do whatsoever with drugs. The second is that the characters of the original Story of a maple did not use drugs, no, it was the players themselves who had to get high to be interested in the game. Now, since the addition of the Cash Shop, the game has evolved into an enterprise that earns Nexon billions of dollars. There are many protestors against Maplestory who want the clearly visible drug-using messages to stop, and they are happily ignored by the major public.
Contents |
History
Maple Story, or more commonly called: Story of a Maple by the creators, or the Asians (more specifically, the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans), is a MMORPG which originated in Asia, and is a game which approximately 216 Asian people play (the original audience was about 600,000 people, but the majority eventually died off from drug overdoses). Since that overloaded their bandwidth, restrictions that prevent Americans from playing the Asian version were created by them. In America, the version of Story of a Maple was called MapleStory (or maple global, by the Chinese), to make it sound more interesting. That plot had failed, so only 2 people started playing it when it came out. These people are now known as the highest level people in MapleStory, level 78 and level 73. Then, 5 years after MapleStory was released in 1994, the Amricans, which were currently at a secret war with the Chinese, hired a hundred of southern Asian animators and artists, to improve the graphics greatly, and hired programmers who previously worked under Bill Gates to improve the gameplay of MapleStory. Then a staggering amount of people (500,000,000, even though there are only ~350,000,000 people in America today) joined MapleStory, and crashed the servers for a consecutive 2 and a half years. (this was mainly because the servers had a badnwidth of about 1,000 people) Then, when everything settled down, the MapleStory people invented the 'Cash Shop', which bought players new kinds of drugs that could only have been gotten with cash, and had made millions of dollars the first day it was released. The release of using real money to buy drugs, made the amount of people who play increase, due to wanna-be drug sellers. Today's MapleStory gameplay is much much better than the original versions, and the fact that it is is making them mad. This is making politicians worried, due to the expectancy of a sudden asian attack on America.
Leveling
As mentioned earlier, the whole point of the game is to hump a tree...While doing drugs. When you gain a level on the tree, you get more higher, causing you to have more pot (HP and MP) and expanding the amount of skills you have. Also with each level you gain, you must battle a boss. The first level boss is a green snail. The advice for this creature is not to let it crawl in through any pubic orifices and to kill it by stomping on it immediately. Next level is a Blue Snail. Same advice, only these have 7 more HP than the green ones. Third level is really hard...A red snail. Loads more HP (30 more) and can do extreme damage (4-8's) when let to crawl into body through orifices. Level four, you must battle a Crog, a demented kind of a frog that flies and does ~2000 damage with black lightning... Also has 100,000 HP. You're on your own on this one..... Also, since he takes about 20 continuous hours of gameplay to defeat, many people ask themselves why they're at the computer at all, why they're naked and covered in strawberry jam, and why the fuck they haven't OD'd yet... Many come to the conclusion that "this is what it feels like to be asian".
n00bs
N00bs are people below level 4, who have not yet battled a "Crog". n00bs have n00b skills, which consist of some basic drug-based skills, a meth overdose, hallucinating making large amount of damage throwing rocks at things, and alchemy with pot. As you get a job and better skills, the skills become more and more addictive, making you hallucinate that you are doing more damage. n00bs tend to be more annoying than the rest of the players, because they don't know shit about the game. Since most n00bs are mentally retarded, they obviously want to become Rapers, then they try out their Raper skills by committing things such as suprisebuttsecks.
Jobs
Overview
Jobless players are considered n00bs. At level 10, you choose your first job. The four jobs are: Pimp, Raper, Addict, and Seller. There is a town for every 1st job. People who have reached their 2nd jobs are considered PRO. PRO's are nerds who don't have a life, or, in the case of asians, people who don't have any money/connections to buy real drugs. People with 3rd jobs advancements are even rarer, as having that much pot will make you prone to having it stolen by some Addict. As you progress through the game, you gain more skills and more fame, as well as gaining the ability to whack more monsters with your stick, or whatever the hell you're using as a weapon. In contrast, as you progress through using more and more drugs in real life, pretty much the exact opposite happens. For example: if you're a crack addict, you probably can't do anything except think of ways to get more crack (no skills), there probably aren't that many people that like you (no fame), and it is probable that when you come across a kitten with a stick, you choose to huff it (no beating animals with sticks). The Asian creators of this game are believed to have created the 4th job, starting at level 120, and are believed to have 50% of the people who play their version: Story of a Maple (which is ~108 people, if you can't count), be at the 4th job.
1st job advancement
This is where you stop being a noob. Most people become pimps, so they have to complete PQ's, which would explain the overpopulation in Kerning City, or Pimp town as it is more commonly called. Other people become Sellers, which is actually better than a Pimp, but less popular. So they go to Ellnia, or Teh Drug Base as its called, and they start selling...The other jobs: Raper and Addict are stupid skills. Most homosexual, mentally retarded, or just fucking stupid people choose those. But some n00bs who have no idea what they're doing, become Addicts, because "it sounds kewl"...And overpopulate the City Henesys with feeble attempts to kill the green mushrooms for their caps, which is the second best drug a 1st job person can get his hands on. Rapers reside in a town called Perion, which is a favorite town to visit by the Pimps to stock up on whores and strippers.
2nd job advancement
There is a lot of 2nd jobs. Pimps can become either Thugs, or Snipers. Sellers can become either Alchohol sellers, Amphenamines sellers, or Health Pot specialists. Rapers can become either: Pokeee Rapers, Goth Rapers, or Pervert Rapers. Addicts can become Potheads or Crackpots (Crackheads).
This took me a while to decipher, because the 2nd job people use a coded system of names. For example: Alchohol selers are called F/P wizards, which stands for Firepoisons importers. (firepoison is a type of alcohol that kills after 1 hour, at the most, after being consumed). Or another example is: Pokeee Rapers usually wield a long pole (to help them to rape people), or even spears (refer to image above)... And another one is: Health Pot (HP) specialists are called that because the 2nd job people communicate to them by saying: "heal my HP dude!!!" ("heal" means increase my stock of [pot]).
3rd job advancement
There is a crazy amount of 3rd job advancements. Most people of MapleStory have not advanced to these jobs, although practically everyone did in the Asian version: Story of a Maple. Thugs become Uber-Thugs ( a weird Asian translation). Snipers become(what a surprise) Uber-Snipers.
4th job advancement
Skills
General
To add more diversity to the game, the creators added 'Skills', which are hallucinations that appear on your screen and make you believe you are doing more than just swinging a stick around and hitting animated animals with it. The American version includes actual increased damage done to the monsters when you perform a skill. The Asian creators have not thought of this because they usually do drugs while playing Story of a Maple anyway. Asian anti-drug organizations and groups protested, because Asians get more and more mentally retarded while playing Story of a Maple, while Americans don't. American officials' rationale to this was: "Asians deserve to be high...another example of the continent's vast diversity..." But thinking about the younger crowd (38-45 years old) who cannot do drugs yet, the American version requires no need of doing drugs while playing the game. As your level on the "Tree" gets higher and higher (and so do you), the skills become more and more addictive. This reaches the point to where people who are in their second or third job do their skills all the time, but not to the point of death. The term of lethal drug overdose is not applicable to the game, (you would die in the first hour of the game if it was). The only way to die in MapleStory is to have a monster take all of your "health pot" (HP). Cheap addicts.
n00b skills
Most of the skills in MapleStory have something to do with drugs because you need to hallucinate to perform them. As you level your n00b, there are three skills you can learn. One of them, as mentioned above is a meth overdose that increases your speed by 20%. Another is throwing an uncrushed snail shell at an enemy, and hallucinating great damage. Another is making your pot (MP) into Health Pot (HP). These skills can only be used in 5-10 minutes, since they are not that addictive.
1st job skills
These skills are a little more addictive than the n00b skills, and are a little more interesting to watch. There are 24 of them, so I will not list them all due to risk of too much information causing chronic (sudden) exploding head syndrome. The most important skill of the pimp, is to stab a monster two times, making splash effects, or throwing two random objects at a monster. Pimps have the most interesting skills in the game. The skills of the raper and addict are negligible, since it doesn't do a lot
Trading
Trading is done with a certain kind of asian drug called "mush caps". There are different kinds of mush caps: orange, blue, green, and horny(you don't want to know). These drugs are similar to shrooms, and are called shrooms in 80% of the rest of the countries, which reflects on how high the asians were during the creating/updating of the game. Mesos, the believed currency of Story of a Maple, are just rocks that are used to trade the drugs for, which are the real currency. These mesos are kind of a sub -currency. ((EDIT))
The Towns
The towns are very uninteresting to know.
Training Camp
This is where you start the end of your life.
Amherst
n00bs go here.
South Perry
This is where you get out of nub world.
Lith Harbor
This is where you end up n00b.
Henesys
This town is overrated and infested with n00bs, lamers, and show-offers.
Kerning City
This is basically Maplestory's response to Pimp City.
Perion
This place is very bland and boring because it's full of the same landscape, a.k.a. rocks.
Ellinia
This is where the Maple Tree is located. Also where you get out.
Sleepywood
It's a woods that people fall asleep.
New Leaf City
Where you turn over a new leaf and..... die.
Florina Beach
It's a beach with seafood and monkeys who stole your bananas.
Orbis
This is a town of orbs.
Ludibrium
This is basically Maplestory's response to Legoland.
El Nath
This place freezes your balls and eventually you.
Aquarium
It's basically MapleStory's response to the Little Mermaid's kingdom.
Omega Sector
It's filled with aliens.
Korean Folk Town
Based on Korean stuff and old people.
Amoria
A place for people with no life to get "married."
Happyville
A happy ville with snow......lots and lots of snow....
And others(Who in the world cares about them).
PQ's
PQ's or pimp quota mainly consist of a n00b, who wants to become a pimp
HP
Abbreviation for Health Pot, or an Asian name for Marijuana that heals your wounds. Should you lose all of your HP to a monster, you'll snap out of your drug trip, making you have to get some more HP by "reviving and being sent to a nearby town to start over". You actually get sent to rehab, and once you're clean, they send you out, but as soon as you leave, you go to the nearest Seller to buy some more HP.
MP
Abbreviation for My Pot, or regular weed that inspires you, and makes you hallucinate and make kewl looking spells all over your screen.
Damage
This mainly consist of walking on a monster and having it take away a portion of your "health pot" (HP). You could also fall a long distance and have it fall out of your pocket. For more complex monsters, which usually only the 2nd and 3rd jobs see, they do a monster skill to make your HP go away, which usually consist of a fireball that flies into your pocket and burns your health pot. In the case of the sellers, who are the only smart job in MapleStory, (but not the coolest, thats the 'Pimps'), they use their pot (MP), and cover their health pot (HP) with it. So any monster that tries to take or burn their health pot will end up taking/burning their normal pot, and so usually saving the sellers life.
One of the most unreasonable skills in Story of a Maple is the Clerics' skill: Heal. They can actually summon up health pot by hallucinating green light on the screen and therefore using up their MP. Now in the Asian versions of Story of a Maple, where the Asians just hallucinate everything, this skill doesn't summon any health pot. This can be considered an attack too, because there are monsters who are allergic to pot (undead) who actually suffer from the "Heal" skill, making it ever more unreasonable. (EDIT!!)
PRO's
People who don't have a life and play MapleStory too much. (usually has 2nd job advancement) The cure from PROness is very hard to obtain, but it is rumored that if you either buy real drugs, or fuck a random stripper (preferably a female) you can realize what a dumbass you have been for playing MapleStory too much. This is different in the case of Asians because half of their population is at the 4th job advancement. (thats 4x the levels of the 2nd job advancement) The cure for an Asian is to--THERE IS NO CURE. THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAN COME OUT OF A Story of A Maple ASIAN NERD IS HIM/HER BECOMING A NUCLEAR-SUICIDE BOMBER. After that, they are advised to bomb the capitol of Asia by the united states government.
Random Events
About the only way in which the game Story of a Maple is at all diverse, is possibly its random events. The most common one is perhaps n00b stalkers bugging you all the damn time. This is known in the n00b world as "getting fame" and "suprisebuttsecks". There are many other random events: mushroom torture, Asian new year, maple story anniversary, and lawsuits. If you do not understand the following random event explanations, it is a good sign: you aren't completely retarded yet.
Mushroom Torture
Every now and then, the Pro's will get together, take off their "equips"(in real life it's clothes), and get a whip to "punish the naughty mushrooms". This is because Pro's have no girlfriend/boyfriend, so they'll go after the second best thing there is to seduce. Once they're done, they kill the mushrooms and roast them for dinner.
n00b
The details of this random event is widely known; 1): a noob comes up to you and types in something along these lines: "H3y d00000d, wussup, f4m3 /\/\3 p10X!!!", and 2): the same noob usually pushes the down button about twenty times per second, while standing over you; making the image of his/her character raping you. The proper reply should be: "Fucking noob, stop raping me or i'll report you!" or: "Fuck off, midget; you're not nerdy enuff". These replies of course can get you banned from the game, which makes the n00b random event a dreadful one. The most smart way to respond to get the n00b off of you and continue playing (if you're retarded or an Asian and still want to play this game) would be: "I do not have any fame for you today, I have used it up. Goodbye." There is still a chance that the n00b won't understand what the hell you're talking about(th3y talk in n00b, s0 th3y \/\/ont und3rstand), but in that case, almost every non-n00b gets so annoyed that they stop playing the game... so I won't even go there...
