You
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| You | |
|---|---|
| Taxonomy: idiotus retardus | |
| IQ: Nonexistent/-99999999999999999999 | |
| Sentient: No | |
“A total idiot.”
~ Captain Obvious on You
You, <insert name here>, are the person reading this article, unless, of course, you're not. But that would be awkward.
You are unique — just like everybody else. Ha! You got dissed by an article. That's worse than being dissed by a person!
Subtext: get over yourself. No one really likes you, <insert name here>. You suck. Like many of the things going on behind you, your friends are saying bad things about you and your relatives. All of that is your fault. You need to wise up and stop being so selfish. You're wasting your time. I mean, seriously, who the fuck looks up a pronoun?! Obviously, you do.
You have a dim realization that nature has played a cruel trick on you but lack the intelligence to realize the magnitude of that trick. You love to quote Calvin and Hobbes, but not admit it! You are a moron, but you may never realize it, as you are so stupid. In fact, Nobody is dumber than you are.[1]. But apart from voting for George W. Bush, you are the worst idea your parents ever had.
But your sister is totally hot. And if you don't have a sister, I mean... <insert name here>'s cousin is sexy. Yum yum. But then again, if you lack cousins...your next door neighbour's daughter is a total bitch. C'mon admit it, <insert name here> is probably watching her change through her window, cause her house is THAT close! And if you have no sister's or cousins and you live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours then fuck off.
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[edit] Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2007
Which, by definition, makes <insert name here> a Time God. It is fortunate that Time Magazine has made such an obvious choice in naming <insert name here> Person of the Year for 2006, 2007, and 2008. I guess they noticed how awesome he is, and all the wonderful contributions he made to society *cough Bull Shit cough*. But Time sucks!!!
[edit] You and stupidity
Both words go well together. Scientific studies suggest that they're synonyms, and linguists say that they both come from the same Latin root.
But seriously, you have the intelligence of a granola bar. Scratch that. Your intelligence isn't even comparable to a food item. But you're still an idiot. I bet you support increasing our dependence on foreign oil or think that the government didn't do 9/11.
Here's an analogy: If all the village idiots, in all the villages in the world, left their villages to form their own village of village idiots, in that village of village idiots, You would be the village idiot, and the Mayor.
[edit] You're ugly
If the Elephant Man were to see you, he would vomit. Your ass looks like your face, and that's a compliment. I mean, come on! Just look at you! Your face makes shit look like Pamela Anderson.[2] If you were the first person alive, God would kill you and start over.
You're so ugly you break any camera even pointed in your general direction. The person with the one camera that didn't break shot himself before he would have been able to take the picture. And if the picture were somehow taken, it would immediately be uploaded to fugly.net. If that domain name doesn't exist, it would be instantaneously created to host pictures of your fugliness. Put simply, you are fugly! Now go away! Go! Bog off! Before some crackhead mistakes you for a tree to piss on!
[edit] You and Death
You will die one day, my son/daughter/illegitimate love child. There are literally dozens of ways in which you could die. You could be eaten by a Grue. You could be the next victim of the terrible Wikisaurus! You could be tricked by a man telling you that if you look down the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger, candy will come out. You could be in a horror movie right now and not even know it!
Actually, you're dead already. Nice try though.
You might watch a cursed video, and a telephone will ring. Then you'll answer the phone and a voice will tell you to pass on the video or you'll die in 7 days. With 5 seconds to go, John Titor will appear and rescue you by taking you to a time loop that begins 5 seconds after the phone rings. After 2^32-1 iterations there is 50-50 chance that Jesus or Satan or Santa or a Policeman will appear and break the loop. You won't die alone, but you'll wish you had.
But nobody really knows or cares about how you will die. We're just speculating. But we do know that on the day of your death, we will all rejoice, as it will mark a new age for mankind, free from you. People will only come to your funeral for the seafood buffet. All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
[edit] You and Music
According to Fall Out Boy, you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with (and I'm just a boy who's had too many chances). Fall Out Boy also says: "I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive; now I only waste it dreaming of you." Fall Out Boy also wants to make you bend and break and make the good times roll, in case God doesn't show. Bend her, break her, any way you need her, all Shirley Manson wants is you.
The Beatles can confirm that she loves you (yeah yeah yeah). Also, they want to know why you say goodbye (I say hello!).
The Foo Fighters are walking after you; Dave Grohl will walk after you if you walk out on him. And he's on your back. Metallica will pull your strings, and laugh at your cries. The Unseen are so sick of you, Senses Fail is going to teach teach you what it's like to be used, and The Outfield don't wanna lose your love tonight.
You are all that Radiohead needs, all they neeeed, and all U2 wants is you. You do it to yourself, you do.
Enrique Iglesias just wants to be with you. Chris Martin wrote a song for you and it was all yellow. James Blunt thinks you're beautiful because he saw your face in a crowded place. Ayreon's heart belongs to you, but she was lonely and her need for passion grew.
You can't touch MC Hammer...but you want to. I bet you think that song Carly Simon wrote is about you. Don't you, <insert name here>?
You have the time to listen to Green Day whine. Speaking of Green Day, they want to know: "Who the hell are you to tell me what I am, and what's my master plan?".
Ash thinks you are shining light.
Art Alexakis of Everclear, isn't going to let you overwhelm him anymore and is still dreaming of your face.
[edit] Facts about You
- You have no life
- You have no sex life
- This guy is cooler than you
- You live in your parent's basement.
- You love hotpockets.
- <insert name here> SET US UP THE BOMB !!
- What you say !!
[edit] Citations
- ↑ Unless you count "He who is thick as a brick".
- ↑ But, in retrospect, Pamela Anderson kind of does look like shit.
[edit] Popularity
Researches prove that since early 2007, YOU have been more popular than sex!
http://www.google.com/trends?q=sex%2C+you&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0
[edit] See Also
- Hey you
- U
- Stupidity
- Me
- Them
- You Know Who
- Things You Will Never Have
- People that Jim'll Fix it For
- <insert name here>
- Your sex life
- HowTo:Insult Someone
| This article forms part of the series on Scientology | |
| Beliefs | Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Dianetics ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse | |
| Concepts | AT Field ~ Objectivism ~ The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth) | |
| Practices | Kitten Huffing ~ ITASTWD | |
| People | Tom Cruise ~ Katie Holmes ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ John Travolta ~ Beck ~ Superman ~ Chef ~ Will Smith | |
| Enemies | You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley | |
| Four Letter-Words |
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| The A Word • The B Word • The C Word • The D Word • The E Word • The F Word • The G Word • The H Word • The I Word • The J Words • The K Words • The L Word • The M Word • The MF Word • The N Word • The Ñ Word • The O Word • The P Word • The Q Word • The R Word • The S Word • The T Word • The U Word • The V Word • The W Word • The X Word • The Y Word • The Z Word |
John Petrucci | Chaos Infinity | Chaos 7 | Chaos │ ┌───┴───┐ │ │ Amor═╤═Gaea │ Oranos═╤═Gaea / │ / ┌────┴────┐ / │ │ / Arceus══╤══Kronos / Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Nissan Skyline/Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ├────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ clam │ │ │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────────┬─────────┴────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Pacman │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda │ ...And you...
v d e Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┬───────────┐ Amor═╤═Gaea Tyber Zann │ │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea╤═Corruption │ │ └─┐ │ ┌────┴────┐ └─┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo─┘ Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┼────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ │ Universe Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother═╤═Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┼────┼──┤ Carl Sagan╧══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell╧═God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man │ Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ Cecil │ │ ║ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your mom ║ │ │ │ ╟─────┬──────┐ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ ║ Latios Latias══╤══Ash │ │ │ ║ ┌───┼───┐ Mewtwo │ Transvesta Corruption══╤══Mewtwo OMG WTF BBQ ║ ┌───────┤ │ │ ║ ╚╤Harry Potter═╪═════╤Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley ║ │ │ │ │ ║ Me══╤══...And you... │ │ ║ │ ┌────┘ ┌────┴─────┐ ║ King Ghidorah │ Diabeetis Meow Mix════════════════════════════╤╝ ║ │ ┌────┴─────┐ Food ║ Frankenstein Captain Falcon Sam Fisher ║ │ ╟─┐ ╚╤Frankenstein's Monster│ │ │ Gollum Mega Man
